Do you believe you children should be seen and not heard?Part II?

Question

A posting earlier today got me thinking about a rule in our house.I am a mom of seven kids five of whom live at home, they are 14,12,5,3&17months.My husband and I believe evening/night time to be an adults time for this reason our kids go to bed early.17months usually in his crib by 7.00pm,5&3 go to bed at 7.30pm.The older two are both in bed asleep by 9.30ish during the week.The rule is that once the kids have had their dinner (my husband&I eat later),bath etc.they have no t.v,phone,ipod,video game rights&we go by the saying they should be seen¬ heard(w/in reason).When all3babies are in bed my husband myself&the older2watch t.v for around an 1hr until I start moving the older kids towards bed.During this hr the 12&14yr old are expected to use an "indoor voice"&are only really asked to talk if my husband and I speak to them,its winding down time for them not a time for idle chat or hyping up.If they wake the babies they will be spanked/sent to bed.We do spend a lot of time with them

so is it unreasonable to ask for the evening to be quiet time?Do you have a similar evening syetem?Please answer.Thank you in advance.

I know my parenting methods are different but don't get me wrong. ispend loads of time chatting with my kids finding out about their day interacting with them, I'm only referring to late evening time,when loud chatter and giggling gets them hyper before bed...I know this from previous experience with my kids. And if ym son listens to his ipod for bed he will NEVER get tp sleep he is music mad. I love my kids but my theory is not just to pack them off to bed at half seven with the little ones allow them to stay up but with responsibilities to their younger siblings.
I have raised and am raising seven kids,I guarantee you I am no idiot.

my husband is a stay at home dad and I am home by 5.30pm. We sit at the table together and chat we just don't eat together

Answer 1

Yes We have these same type of rules in my house
I have 8 children and we have had to have this quiet hour or so before bed time. I or one of the other children read the others a bed time story--of late it has been a chapter a night. We encourage the children to have what they need for the next day to be set out so that there is not the crazy rush to find something that you cannot find--like what to wear or where are my shoes. Everything has its time and place and quiet time before bed is mostly respected by all.
Thanks to see others doing the same thing and about the same time. _ I however believe in everyone eating together we learn much about everyone day this way and it does not drag out the cleaning of the kitchen and the rest of the nightly chores.

Answer 2

I personally don't believe that children sould be seen not heard, I encourage individuality and assertiveness in my son. Of course you have to have rules and structure and with more children that need increases. I agree with early bedtimes although those would be a little too early for my household. I think by age 12 & 14, children should be given more options as to what they do in their downtime. I understand that it is important for them to be quiet not to wake the babies but by that age they need to develop some independence. Maybe allowing them to do some other things of their choosing during that time like telephone or ipod if they keep it down and letting them decide if they need winding down time. I know from experience that children from households that were very strict have a hard time adjusting when they get out on their own. Many college freshman suffer from this. So while structure is important, too much is just as bad as not enough.

Answer 3

The heading is a little weird, but I'll answer with my own opinion. As far as bedtime goes my 6 and 4 year old are in bed by 8pm most every night. My dh and I both need time to talk, cuddle, watch a movie or make love without children running around from the time we wake up until they fall on their faces at night. I think it's crazy, I mean when do you have personal time to connect with your spouse if children rule your day and night? I think it's smart if you have a set bedtime. Children need to get a certain amount of sleep to be alert especially if they have school the next day. I just can't do it, I love my kids but I also enjoy my "me" time or the "our" time, and you honestly can't do that with kids crawling up your butt. Kids really don't know what time is best for them to go to bed and most of them get really cranky and nasty when they are tired, I know I do. I also know when to put myself to bed if I am very tired, a small child doesn't...most of them are afraid they will miss something. So I don't see anything wrong with what you are doing. Heck I think if I had more than three I would be doing the same thing. Makes sense to me!

Answer 4

Wow! Bless your heart (and your husbands) for having seven children. If your system works for you then do it! Not many people can judge you because they don't have seven kids. They wouldn't know what to do.

For us, we always eat together. That is a rule in our house. I never had that "normal" family experience so I always wanted to do that with my family. My kids take a bath, watch a short video, then we read to them before they go to bed. My oldest will stay up a little later "reading" in his bedroom. He will usually fall asleep with the book still in his hand. It's really cute. I guess in a way we kind of do have the same system.

As for having adult time, you are 100% correct on that. It is so important for a couple to have time to themselves.

Answer 5

You still spank your 12 and 14 yr old? Wow that's different. I think you have good bed times for all the children. But the only thing I do different from you is I don't expect children to stay quiet and only speak if spoken to. I like hearing my son's voice, I enjoy speaking to my children, I enjoy listening to what they have to say. I think my children are intelligent and important people in my life and I accept them for who they are quiet or not. My kids are much more important to me than tv time. I do get what you're saying about not waking the babies but when my children were younger [all four of them] I didn't make the older ones be quiet. My babies learned to sleep through noise. It's not fair to put some childrens needs above others.

Answer 6

I did not have quite so many children but all mine were boys and it was imperitive to make the evenings quiet so they could wind down from their active and busy days -- I never set a bedtime or curfew for them but usually just being quiet, and reading or doing puzzles or listening to music they soon were ready for bed and slept peacefully most of time. Even as teenagers they seemed to naturally head off to their rooms and their beds around 9:30 everyweekday and weekends rarely were still up after 11. I had very easy sons to raise -- I was very lucky.

Answer 7

I probably like your system more than I do your title. With such a large family it's important to have a strict routine. I only have 2 kids and I love them to have a say in things. They have really good imput even though they're 9 and 4. They like to try to negotiate with me and I think it's cute. It's an important skill to learn as long as it's not taken out of line. I still have the final say and they still have routine but I like them to be able to have an imput.
What time do your kids get to chat with your husband if when he gets home from work they're on strict silent time?

Answer 8

I wouldn't call it "children should be seen and not heard" but I do think it is good to have everyone settle down before bed. After all the chaos that the day can bring, we all need some time to wind down and relax ... even the kids need it.

Answer 9

With that many children, I'd say your method sounds perfect. And as for the older kids waking the babies... I don't blame u, I would never be able to keep my baby asleep if other children were around. It's so frustrating getting them down finally and someone waking them up again.

Answer 10

I have 2 children ages almost 9 and 41/2. We have them go to bed at 8:00p.m. At around 7 we start the mellow down where we put on a children's movie that is not all hype. It tends to calm them down. Usually it is a Veggie Tales movie. At bed time they are almost asleep or asleep already. It is a gentle walk to bed.

My mom gives them warm chocolate and a little bit of popcorn with their movie at her house. Knocks them right out.