Why does my 9 yr old cry when playing with her stepdad???

Question

My daughter and husband are laughing and playing around, joking around with eachother but when all is said and done, my daughter ends up crying at the end. And it pisses me off, My daughter
should'nt be such a cry baby, and my husband, he's like a child, he knows that she will cry but he still persists...Then he gets mad at me, we argue and don't talk for like a day or two. Example:my husband put his arm around me, and my daughter wants to get in
the middle of us, and they play around laughing, pushing eachother cause they both want to be near me but what happens, she starts crying... My hsuband says i should put my foot down, but to who, my daughter or him.? i don't understand it. I feel hurt because i feel like i have to choose, i feel like yelling at both of them.....please help...

I have been with my husband for 7 yrs and we've been married for 3. So he's been around since she was 2 yrs old. She see's her father through court order everyother weekend and we communicate well. My husband believes if someone hits you
(play hittings,softly) , you do it back. if they hit harder, you hit harder too....well, that pretty much is another example.... my daughter starts the hitting, and ends up crying. She knows she should hit, but continues untill it isn't fun for her anymore and starts crying...

oops i mean she know she SHOULDN'T HIT..

Answer 1

How long have you been with her step-dad? Were you married to her father or does she have a relationship with her father?
well you have been together long enough that not having her father living with you should not be an issue...Is his behaviour above board and appropriate with her?
My ex-husband also had the same mentality wrestle and hit and it would get harder. This makes for a tough situation! My son adores his dad but this behaviour has made him excessively rough in playing with other kids. He often got into trouble as he wanted to play with others (rough-house) as he had been played with. It took along time to curb this behaviour and is inappropriate for it to get so rough. Children need to learn boundaries and positive ways to play. My sons counsellor said that the way my ex played with my son could be considered child abuse. Although your man may think it is acceptable and fun he needs to be the adult and set boundaries when it gets rough he needs to stop it. Not you. It is hard to be in the middle of that situation you want a good relationship between them but it must be a healthy one. Your child should be your first priority and your man should realise boundaries must be set he is an adult not a playmate.

Answer 2

Your husband needs to learn to control his behavior. A 9 yr old doesn't quite have the logic capabilities to project likely outcomes of certain actions - those thought processes don't start developing for another couple years. Therefore it should be your husband's responsibility to avoid putting your child into potentially unhappy situations. I'm not saying that he should stop playing around with your child - he should limit it to 1 or two exchanges (she hits him, he hits back, she hits once more, and that's it), and should always let her win the 'game'. He needs to be the grownup here.

If that doesn't help, then your daughter is probably over-emotionalizing to create an argument - she wants to know that she's #1 to you, and creating conflict between you and your husband reassures her of that. I know it's hard, but try not to yell at either of them. If it happens again, just leave the room, and refuse to get involved or choose sides. Make the two of them work it out.

Good luck!

Answer 3

It sounds like - even in play - your daughter feels that she needs to compete with step dad for you. Somehow all three of you need to stop this little game of "who loves mommy more". It also sounds like your husband needs to grow up and stop trying to compete with a child!

Answer 4

Explain to her that she should not always be in the middle and sit in between the two of them so that they can each be on a side without having any problems. Hope this helps.

Answer 5

this is the easiest question ever,,,
your husband is immature,,,acting like a child

and your daughter is spoiled,,and since u feel bad for having a step dad instead of a dad,,,,you let her get away with everything

Answer 6

my husband and my step-daughter do that any time i am trying to talk to him she will come up and start yelling at me because she wants her dad we try to tell her that we are talking. then she gets mad because i tell her that she needs to go play until we get done talking. then she gets mad because i got on to her about her misbehavior. it usually ends up that we wait until she goes to bed to talk. we have tried to talk to her. we have also tried to let her know when we are done that it's her turn to talk. we have started to spend time with her right after work before we do anything else. she has stopped trying to keep me away from her dad

Answer 7

Is something being said to hurt her feelings? Does she feel that you are choosing him over her? There could be a lot of reasons for her crying. Please don't just blow it off. Try talking to her privately. Ask her what the problem is.

Answer 8

Get rid of that husband, he knows what is going to upset your daughter and he gets a thrill out of it.