My soon to be husband's sister is terrible...her own family thinks she is a backstabber...she is rude..butts into business that is not hers...We have been together 4 years and at christmas this year she stoood up in front of his entire family and said my name and "oh is that your name?" Her husband seems to remember who I am.Should I invite her to our wedding since she can't seem to remember who I am?
2007-01-11 08:57:55 · 34 answers · asked by bunnaewabbit 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
yes you should invite her as painful as that is going to be. My future sister-in-law didn't even have me participate in their wedding and she doesn't like me for some reason but she still invited me. She isn't going to have a role in the wedding but I am still inviting her even though she just isn't nice to me at all!! But it is Your wedding, so you do what you think you should do. Isn't this a somewhat stressful ordeal! I mean totally worth it but stressful! Good Luck, ;)
2007-01-11 10:39:10 · answer #1 · answered by rachdezigns 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow, this is a sticky one. I have been married for 20 years, and I can't stand my husband's family. BUT, you will be stuck with these people for the duration of your marriage. Why are you making this decision on your own? What does your prospective husband say? I think this is a decision you two should make together. And do be careful. That saying about blood being thicker than water is SO true. Believe me, I've had 20 years of this family crapola.
Let's think about this for a moment. You already know your new sister-in-law is "terrible". O.K. -But what can she really do to you by being another guest at your wedding? She'll eat food, drink stuff - and maybe be annoying, but really, how much power do you want to give this woman? Of course, I don't know the particulars - or how far she might go. If she is going to light the place on fire or knock over your wedding cake, then no - - do not invite her. If you just really, really dislike the woman - - so what? Why not consider this: Make yourself look really great by being what a friend of mine calls "surface nice." You have nothing to lose. Just be really formal and polite with her and don't let her into your life/personal business in any really meaningful way. And you don't have to tell her anything, really. Just fake it till you make it. Why start off your marriage on the "wrong" foot now? If you invite her and she acts up, then SHE will look bad. Not you. But if you don't invite her . . . well, you catch my drift.
Good luck. (By the way, sorry to say: the family never gets any better later on.) I hope you look before you leap into this family. I think if you are going to have a successful marriage, you need to have a heart-to-heart (and be REALLY HONEST AND REALLY OPEN - CARDS ON THE TABLE TIME HERE) about what you are going to do about his family. Like over the holidays, where will you go - will you be expected to play host to his family, including his sister, or will your husband go along with what you want? It would be so much better if you work this stuff out now - because after you are married for a while, you'll find that blood is thicker than water stuff really is true, and you want to get your husband's support NOW. Also - get what his expectations are in the future and see if you can work it out BEFORE you get married. I'm really sorry I did not do that. I could have set some ground rules (you might want to even write them down, so later on when he does not remember agreeing - you can show it to him.) So, its better to nip it in the bud now - later is not better, I assure you. There is also a book, I think the title is "101 things couples need to talk about before they get married." It was on Oprah a long time ago, and I wished I had read it and discussed all the stuff in there with MY husband.
2007-01-11 09:15:31 · answer #2 · answered by Alice laughing 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes invite her she will be one of many guests, Maybe have some friends or other relatives to keep her busy, try to ignore her, visiting and talking to everyone. Don't be rude but you do have to talk to many guests. What does your future husband say and think, remember she is still his sister and sometimes blood is thicker that water. When you write the "Thank You's" you can always write her name wrong, or leave the names off the card. Good luck and if your husband is not behind you all the way you will really need it, it hopefully will be a long marriage and you will have to put up with her for a long time!
2007-01-11 10:00:25 · answer #3 · answered by joan 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Did you ever see Gone With The WInd? Remember Mellie, Ashley's wife? Well, when the word got out that there was something happening between Scarlett and Ashley.... the gossip started in. Word got back to Rhett, who then made Scarlett put on her scarlett red dress and then forced her to attend a party she was too embarrassed or ashamed to attend. Why? Because she knew she was going to be judged. But look at what happened once she arrived. What did Mellie do? (smile) Mellie acted with grace and dignity. She rushed to Scarlett's side and helped her---basically daring anyone to say a word in her presence. Mellie was like that to the day she died....
You asked if you should invite your future s-i-l to your wedding. What is the graceful and dignified thing for you to do? Remember, this is YOUR wedding and the memories you make that day/night will last you the rest of your life. HOW you chose to handle things will also be remembered.
In my opinion, I think you should not only invite the woman.... But! I also think you should act Mellie did.... Anticipate her arrival and welcome her when she does. Let her know, by name, that your happy she could join you. And let everyone else know, they'll answer to you if anyone gives her a hard time. Be a force to be reckoned with.... and for goodness sake's....Be a Mellie....live with grace and dignity!
Just my 2 cents worth... Hope you don't mind.
2007-01-11 19:14:13 · answer #4 · answered by Brenda 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
two wrongs do not make a right, invite her then don't worry about her and enjoy the whole wedding process, people put some much energy in having the "perfect wedding" they forget what the whole day is about. your fiancee parents should be told of this feeling then kindly ask them to keep her in control during the wedding day, let all your really close friends and relatives know about her so when they experience her first hand they won't react so defensively on your behalf, it's always fun to have someone to laugh at like that, makes all the others loosen up and have a common statement to get to mingle more, the more people mingle and have fun the better the wedding day/night
2007-01-11 09:07:11 · answer #5 · answered by mohvictor 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Accept the fact the your future sis in law has problems. She's jealous, little, and likes to inflict hurt on people.
Can you imagine HOW miserable it must be to be her???
Invite her, otherwise their may be more trouble than what you bargained for. Just get a couple trusted friends to babysit her. If she heads in your direction during the wedding they can head her off & keep her away from you. Or if she tries something they can eliminate the problem before it gets out of hand.
This way, you can relax & enjoy your wedding.
2007-01-11 09:18:10 · answer #6 · answered by weddrev 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Leave it up to the hubby. Family is there by default. You shouldn't feel pressed to enjoy their company just because they are related to you. They are, after all, people too. If this was a co-worker, or family friend, I'm sure you would be quicker to decide that they should stay away. This day is for you and your husband to enjoy. Don't stress about what others will do. You have your reasons to not trust her.
2007-01-11 09:10:41 · answer #7 · answered by DevonChaos 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is YOUR wedding--not your family's, not his family's, not your friends'. If there is someone you don't want to invite, don't. You don't have to put up with someone being rude, insensitive, nasty, and crass.
Don't play into "social norms" or "social pressures" (or pressure from soon-to-be in-laws) to try to please anyone. You and your husband-to-be want and deserve a wonderful, happy day with people who want to be around you and celebrate YOUR special day.
If someone asks why your husband's sister wasn't invited, explain that you want only people in your company who love and respect you and your union in life. All others are should not be and are not welcome.
Congratulations to you and your soon-to-be husband. May you have a long, healthy, happy life together!
2007-01-11 09:10:46 · answer #8 · answered by Peter S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should invite her if only to keep the peace. She sounds like the kind of person who would go shooting her mouth off if she wasn't. It really isn't worth the aggravation for you to have to hear about how she wasn't invited for the next 30 years. Incidentally, I have an Uncle, who has known me since birth, who never calls me by my correct name (if he even acknowledges me at all) and I find it very humiliating when he does this. This year he sent my parents a Christmas card addressed to them and "daughter." I told my mom I will wear a name tag at my wedding that says "Bride" in case he isn't sure which one I am. Good luck honey!
2007-01-11 09:09:49 · answer #9 · answered by MelB 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think if you don't invite her it will put a bigger rip between her and the family. You need to be a bigger person and put the past in the past, maybe she's needing someone to reach out to her, maybe there's stuff bothering her and she's hurting and just needs someone to be there for her. I say invite her and leave it up to her if she wants to attend or not. Some times people act the way they do and you just need to look past that and love them in spite of it, I'm sure you're not all smiles and loving all the time either.
2007-01-11 11:01:49 · answer #10 · answered by Kitikat 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋