How do I politely deal with a relative who constantly pushes fundamentalist Christianity on me?

Question

She is always talking about church and her church friends, and her religion, and the bible,
she gives me countless books about her religion, constant religious e mails and Republican propaganda and even insulted my born religion (Catholicism).

What gives her the right to insult my born religion and try to push her religion on me?
I thought Christians are supposed to feel persecuted? But yet I don't say a word, I am polite and I tolerate her opinions,
but I don't share my own or push my opinions on her because I know she wouldn't be able to handle the arguments, and I wouldn't want to put her in that position, nor do I feel like debating something I feel is so worthless and dumb when neither one of our minds will change and will cause bad blood.

Now, is she a good "witness" to Christ? Or am I actually choosing to be the better one here?

Because I'm absolutely certain that if she knew my true opinions about her religion and my thoughts on the things she says she would be convinced that I am a mouth peice for Satan.

Christians, I wan't your opinion, am I hiding from her that I am evil? Or is she really the a*shole here?

Answer 1

Jane...you do not say her age...if she is older I might be more tolerant like you...but if she was close to my age I would probably not be as nice as you have been.

Set aside the religious issue...we have to set boundaries with people that we do not let them cross. And though I am a Christian and I will love you and pray for you and I may listen to a bit of your feelings...unless its a two way conversation I would not allow them to go on and on about it.

Once in a while you will see in this room that someone just loses it...they may have been targeted or flamed or misunderstood or just tired of the subject. That is what happens when you are in a boundaryless situation such as the one you describe with your relative. (YA is basically boundryless, other than thumbs up and down and reporting...better to get off line if it goes that far.)

No...you are the better "witness"...for whatever you believe and your relative is going way past what is acceptable behavior, even to save a soul which she must think she is doing, lol. Like I said, if she is older...let her do it and just dismiss it...but if not then you need to politely tell her that you have your own beliefs and thank her for sharing hers, then close the subject.

I have a dear friend, we met online in a completely different forum than this one. She is a fundamentalist Christian, though she was born again in a liberal church and was raised in a liberal church. I have been to many different Protestant churches, but choose a liberal church for my heart church. The two of us fight like cats and dogs over religion...or did before she mellowed out a bit. I talked about love, she quoted scripture. I would say, no, we cannot do this or that...she would say:

If your friend is going to jump off a cliff would you stop her. And my answer was always, no, but I would offer her my hand to help step away from the edge.
**JENN

Answer 2

Buy her a gift subscription to the Wittenburg Door:

http://www.wittenburgdoor.com/home.html


I'm sorry; I wish I had a better answer. I realize that your relative is only doing this because she thinks your soul is in peril, and in that sense she's probably acting out of the goodness of her heart. However, she's also making family gatherings unpleasant for you and causing you enough distress that you chose to write about it to strangers like me. Unfortunately, because you politely listen, she does not see the distress she causes you, and so she will probably continue in this vein until you give her back a little of this distress.

I'm not sure if this will work, but I would try something like this:

1) change the subject. To something else she likes talking about, if there is somethng else she likes talking about. Otherwise, to something that makes a pleasant conversation.

2) if she tries to change it back, tell her exactly how you feel about her pushiness, and why you don't believe that her religion is the one for you. Don't hold back.

This won't stop her from _wanting_ to convert you, but if you make it unpleasant enough for her to try (and the truth can be awfully unpleasant for some people), then maybe she'll think twice about trying it so casually.

Answer 3

Tell her, in the most compassionate voice you have, that you have long had an absolutely wonderful personal— AND PRIVATE— relationship with God, one that far surpasses all of the books, email suggestions, and demeaning proselytizing she subjects you to; one that utterly transcends the need to be involved with an outward church.

Make certain you emphasize the personal and private nature of your religious life— that it is just between you and God— NO ONE ELSE. Tell her to please stop embarrassing herself before God, by demeaning and disrespecting your relationship with him, or you will have no choice but to never talk to her again.

Even if you have no such relationship with God or Spirit, if you have the courage and poise to convincingly tell this little white lie, she will not only leave you alone, but may even come to admire you.

And who knows; you just may find that kind of relationship on your own some day anyway.

Answer 4

You can tell her that while you respect her right to believe and think anything she wishes, your beliefs are a bit different - but you choose NOT to discuss them with others. This is your personal choice. You need to put her in her place politely or it will continue until one day you blow up. Ask her please to not give you any more literature, emails or insults regarding religion or politics. Then turn the other cheek if she does it again - but return every email to her with "Please do not send me emails of this nature." Do not accept books, etc.

Or if you just want to totally get rid of her forever, tell her you are joining a cult and moving to a foreign country to await the arrival of your new gods in the big purple spaceship.

Answer 5

Is it polite to lie about your feelings? Your feelings can be expressed with tact and diplomacy. Unfortunately, however, once a boundary to fundamentalist proselytizing is allowed to be broken, the effort to convert doubles ... Consequently, for each violation of such a boundary (which is impolite) the zeal of the Evangelia increases exponentially. You should put you foot down respectfully but with firmness and finality. Not divulging your loyalty to your own beliefs is poor witness to any faith.

Answer 6

Tell her that she is just as Catholic as you are cause she celebrates Catholic holidays like Christmas, Easter, and Sunday Sabbath. All those holidays were adopted into the Catholic Church during the 4th century by Roman Emperor Constantine and the Catholic Church.

Tell her to stop being so ethnocentric and throw this verse at her.

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged." - Matthew 7:1

Answer 7

She is wrong in a situation like this but that doesn't change your need for salvation. Salvation is not earned by works it is a gift from God and it is received by grace through faith. Depending on who it is she is not right to push you so much, but that is probably because she cares about what happens to you when you die. Salvation is a gift not something that can be earned. Next time she urges you towards something, pay attention, learn about what she has to say, then make a decision about what you want to think. You have your own choice and I will pray that you will make the right one.

Answer 8

I would throw a fit in such a way that she would never open her mouth again.

Seriously:
You should write a well thought out email to her that puts her in her place in an intellectual way. It's less confrontational. We had a similar problem with my mother in law and we wrote her an email. It wasn't insulting or mean, but she never mentioned it again.

I'm probably a scarier person when it comes to this stuff though.

Answer 9

Excuse yourself from the conversation whenever she brings up religion.

Return the books.

Tell her if she doesn't stop sending the religious emails you will block her address.

Say that you are very sorry to have to take these measures, but while you are happy for her in her religion she is being incredibly thoughtless, inconsiderate and rude to continue forcing you to listen to her views.

BB

Answer 10

If it were me, there would come a point (sooner rather than later) at which I would abandon politeness altogether and tell her that she is full of it, and that I would be perfectly happy to prove it to her if she were willing to spend the time to listen and the intelligence to understand -- bearing in mind that the latter is, on the face of it, a dubious proposition.