What do I do about my dad?

Question

Hi all. I'm getting married in August, and I'm so sad. My mom and dad have been divorced for years and my father is in a different country. I was thinking that I would walk down the aisle by myself, but I don't know who will give me away and I don't know what to do about the father and daughter dance. People tell me to dance with a uncle or with my guy's dad. I just don't hink I would feel anything that way. Some people say skip all that, priest will not ask who will give me away, and I don't dance with anyone. But I want to! And the other day when I went to download the wedding march, I burst out crying. I can't even watch a wedding on TV without crying. I am so sensitive on this matter. I want to be like all other brides. Have my dad there...I can't get in touvh with him, that's out of the question...
Do you have any suggestions?
Thanks a bunch.

Answer 1

Well, one thing first of all that you need to do is realize that your statement: "I want to be like all other brides. Have my dad there" is not only not true, but is causing some of your problem. There are many many women out there facing their wedding without their dads either because they have left, passed away, etc. Yes, it nice to have him there, but you are not going though a situation that is unique, and plenty of women have wonderful weddings without:) It will only hurt you to compare yourself to women who are not in the same life situation as you are as there is nothing you can do about the situation itself anyway.

So - concentrate on what you can do - first of all, there is no rule that says your dad has to walk you down the aisle and give you away - it can be any person who is important to you and has been there for you. Have your mom do it, or a best friend, etc. Yes - it can be a girl, lol. My best friend had her godmother walk her down the aisle and it was lovely.

For giving you away - another option is to have the preist say "Who gives their consent that these two be united in marriage" and then have your mom and his parents all say "We Do" together. Or, have him address the parents asking for their blessing "Do you give your blessing to this marriage? Do you agree to support, love and cherish both (names) as a couple, to respect their marriage and the vows they take her today" to which all the parents say We Will. I also remember on wedding were the priest first asked the bride's parents is they consented and would accept the groom into their family as one of their own - and then asked the grooms family the same for the bride.

Father/Daughter dance- in truth, this one is better left out, since dancing with someone else will just remind you and everyone else that dad isn't there. Instead - have a dance were he dances with your mom, and you dance with his dad:)

Answer 2

I think you should walk yourself down the aisle and meet your mom at the end. When the minister asks who gives the bride she should say "I do" Or "Her Loving Family" or something like that.

As for your Father/Daughter dance how about this, I saw it done once and I and the other guests just thought it was the sweetest thing ever. It was a mother/daughter dance. It started off with the bride making a small speech about how much her mom had meant to her throughout her life and it ended with her dedicating her bouquet to her mom, then they got on the dance floor and were surrounded by the grooms family and her brother and father and they danced around the outside of them as the two danced in the center. It was such a hit and so unique. Maybe thats something you could do. Plus it gets rid of the dreaded bouquet toss, which I have only seen done well in the movies. Most girls HATE the bouquet toss.

Answer 3

From now until August is a nice long time and although it seems like you can't get in touch with him right at this minute, try and keep trying until you can.

You left out the details about the relationship between your father and the rest of your family, including you, I mean, if he came back to where you live would he want to give you away at the wedding or are you estranged to the point that he would refuse the honor?

I would try to get ahold of him...we live in an age where tracking him down shouldn't be too difficult unless he changed his name or took to the wilds.

If you do get ahold of him before the wedding and he can't make it, be sure to videotape a message to him and include his name when names are read. Keep it in your mind that the video is for him and that might ease your longing for him to be there. If you don't get ahold of him, do the same. Make a video and save it for the day you do find him.

You didn't mention whether or not a step father raised you. If yes, you might could consider him giving you away.

Although it might not be traditional, you could even ask your future husband's father to walk you down the aisle. I know it wouldn't be the same but it would speak volumes as far as family diplomacy and I bet it would mean a lot to him.

I'm sure you have many people that love you and care about you and unfortunately you might have to rely on the dance with an uncle or another male relative.

I'm sorry to hear about your predicament but since the wedding is well over 6 months away, I bet you could track your father down if you really put your mind to it.

You're blessed as it is and I bet you if you took a step back and put things into perspective for yourself you'll start seeing things that you DO have and not focus so much on what you DON'T have.

I don't think there would be anything wrong with your mother giving you away either....and if the wedding means this much to you I'm sure your mother knows how special you want this to be and would be flattered and honored to be the one to walk you and hand you over. It would probably mean a lot to her to have that chance.

In any case, I would still prepare for a video. When you pick it up, ask them to m ake another copy so on that day you do find your father, you can give it to him and let him know that even though he wasn't there physically, you wanted him to have the tape because he was there with you in the bonds of love.

Now stop crying and whisk away that cloud that's hovering over the ONE day you should be happy about.

Good luck and I hope you find your daddy.

Answer 4

I am sorry you would like your father to walk you down the aisle but that doesn't seem to be an option in your case.
And I understand you wanting tradition but why not make your wedding truly your own? None of this is written in stone so you can add or eliminate whatever suits your needs.

There are many brides who walk the aisle by themselves. Some have their mothers do it; or another beloved male relative.

Or you could walk the first half of the aisle & have your fiance meet you halfway and escort you the rest of the way. It's really cool.

Answer 5

Use your mother. She can walk you down the aisle, give you away and do the dance. My friend's dad died when she as 17. When she got married, her mom did it. It was beautiful. I know that is not necessarily your situation, but it would work for you also.
My dad is not in my life and I walked myself down the aisle. AND, you will be like every other bride... unique. Honey... it's your wedding.. not everyone elses. Do what will make you and your fiance happy and don't worry about the rest. Good luck and best wishes.

Answer 6

I'm very sorry about your situation. I understand how hard it is. When my husband and I got married, it was hard for us because his sister died 3 years ago, so we were one less person who we really wanted there. I think that you should plan according to how you feel. If it is too much for you, you are not required to have anything such as a father-daughter dance. It is your day and you make it how you want it. My husband's parents still have a hard time dealing with the death of their daughter, so for our wedding, we simply honored her by having my husband's sister (who was my maid of honor) carry a small bouquet of flowers down the aisle, once she reached the alter, or minister simply stated that my husband and me wanted to remember her, so his sister passed the bouquet to my husband, who placed the flowers on an empty chair.

If you would like to do something, think of someone very important to you to fill in. Maybe have mom or a close friend or relative do the honors of giving you away, maybe someone who has helped you a lot in dealing with the pain of your dad not being around. Whatever you choose, remember to cheer up a bit and enjoy your special day. Be happy you will be marrying the love of your life and keep trying to get in touch with your dad to let him know of the joyous occasion. Good luck and congrats!

Answer 7

do you have any brothers?? or maybe your mom can walk you down the aisle and give you away and have a mother daughter dance to like "in my daughters eyes" by Martina McBride.. something like that just a suggestion I have the opposite problem I am very close to my step dad I feel like he is my dad and I want him to do all of the father daughter wedding stuff with me but my real dad is still kinda in the picture calls me a few times a month nothing big and I don't feel like his daughter but I am his only daughter and I don't want to take it all away from him I kinda feel bad but at the same time I want my step dad to be totally in the wedding as my dad I am his only daughter too I do not know what i am going to do :s congratulations and good luck to you

Answer 8

Your mother can give you away. It's done all the time and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that! As to the dance, do you have any male figure in your life who is special to you? He doesn't have to be related, but should definitely be close to you. You could dance with him. If not, just pass this by and have the first dance with your husband. It's YOUR wedding. You can arrange it to make you and your fiance happy. Stop focusing on the negative and think of all the things you can do that will make it special for you.

Answer 9

Is there ANY man in your life that has meant a lot to you, been there for you, helped you thru hard times? Pick him.

Have your mother walk you down the aisle....and SKIP the father/daughter dance. It will only make you sad on the happiest day of your life.

Answer 10

Have your mom walk you down the aisle and give you away, get a locket and put your dad's picture in it, that way he's there. Not sure about the dance, what about just dancing with your hubby.