Planning for the youngest child?

Question

My husband and I both agree we want 1 or 2 more kids, but I'm not sure exactly how to space them and if I want 4 kids or 5 kids. We have 3 girls all 20 months apart. I planned it that way so they could be close. But now I'm going crazy and couldn't imagine getting pregnant again until the youngest is at least 2-3 years old. But I'm afraid that if we stopped at 4 with the youngest 3 or more years apart from the other 3, that he/she would be left out and spoiled. So I feel unless we go on to have a 5th child within 2 years after the 4th, that we would have behavior problems. So should I plan on having 5 kids or should I just have 4 kids? And if I only have 4, should I just bite the bullet and have the 4th 20 months apart like the others. Or would it be okay to have the youngest spaced further apart from the others? Yes, this may sound crazy, I'm a little weird about planning things. I just want to know what others think or would do in this situation or any personal experiences.

Answer 1

With 3 already your plate if probably pretty full. I would wait until you are ready to be pregnant again or you will feel very run down.

Are you wanting more children to "try for a boy" or can you feel done with just one gender? I know - rude question - I have been asked it myself. Our youngest did turn out to be a boy after a couple girls but I would have been happy regardless.

You also have to think about the possibility of having a special needs child. If you got pregnant sooner than your were ready and then ended up with a child that needed special care - are you ready for that?

Answer 2

My kids have a few years between them in age and I love it. They get along quite well, and it is probably because of the age difference. If you don't feel like your body or your mental ability is ready for another child, I wouldn't do it until you are ready. You don't want to be a stressed out mother with too many small children on your hands. Have another one when you are ready. I doubt that child would feel left out if you wait a little longer than 20 months. You will love them all the same. My sister and I are quite some years apart, and we are extremely close. I say play it by ear, and don't think too hard about it. Everything will work out if you don't overthink the years apart and the number of children you should have. As time passes you and your hubby will know the best thing for your family. Good luck!

Answer 3

When you have kids, you want to be able to invest yourself completely into raising them and being there for them. If you already feel like you have your hands full then I would say no, now is not the time to "bite the bullet" and have another. There is nothing wrong with giving a few years space between the next one or 2. Think of how much more you will enjoy the baby once these babies are not such babies anymore. I am for waiting and adding a couple to the mix later on, but it is for you to decide. You are not a baby machine. You do need to focus on you and as much as you might "want" 5 kids, you need to think of the other kids and how much they want you to be 100% for them. Listen to your heart, and do what is best for ALL of you.

Answer 4

Wow. You need to stop worrying about all this stuff. Not everything down to the exact age gap has to be planned out. If you want 5 kids, then have 5 kids, if you're doubting it, then maybe that is too many for you.

It sounds like your body needs a rest. And it sounds like you need to chill out, because by this question, you sound very uptight. Sorry, but it's true. Goodluck with whatever you decide.

Answer 5

If you are going to wait, I'd have a fifth also. I am the youngest and my sister is 7 years older than me and my brother is 9 years older than me. They always ganged up on me and I always felt like the odd person out. Take that into consideration.

Answer 6

I think you are planning too much. Kids do not have behaivor problems because of birth order. Besides that, your oldest is going to be years older then your next one anyway.