what would you do?

Question

I was thinking o should take my name off the birth certificate. I am not the father I had a DNA test done. My ex's mother says I can't because I signed the birth certificate and I have been there for the baby since its birth. The baby is 2 now. I do care for the baby but I do not want to be financially responsible for something that’s not mine. I don’t want to have to pay the mother money. That’s all she wants me for anyway. I bought diapers clothes every piece of baby furniture in that baby’s room I did every thing a father was supposed to do and my ex only told me that the baby wasn’t mine because she was mad I wouldn’t give her money directly. That’s when I got the DNA test done. The real dad is in jail the mother knew I wasn't the father but told me I was because she knew I was more responsible. I know that if i keep my name on then the mother of the baby won't let me see the baby unless i pay her directly. what would you do keep paying for the child or break all ties?

Yes the real father knows he don't want nothing to do with the kid he's in jail for a long time.

Answer 1

Tough question. But follow your heart...do you want to continue being the child's father, whether you are biologically or not. That's all that really matters.
My X got this little young girl PG. And I told him the same thing, but before the child was born. So he didn't know and wouldn't know until after the birth if it was his. I told him, all and all did it really matter, he wanted children, and no one else was stepping up to claim this child. If he wanted to be daddy then be daddy, no matter what the results may turn out to be. But if he was going to do it then do. If not then walk away for good. Regardless he needed to make up his mind and go with it...because changing your mind in the long run will only hurt one person and that person is the child. And that would be the real tradegy.
He has a happy and healthy son.

Answer 2

Sorry honey but since you signed the birth certificate and have been caring for that child since birth you are obligated to be (financially) reponsible for it. The simple fact that you cared for the child as your own burdens you with this responsibility. There's no way around this - talk to a lawyer to be sure but I'm 99% certain. As far as her demanding you pay her directly, I would avoid this situation entirely unless she gives you reciepts for ALL the money you give her. She could later claim you never gave her a dime if you don't have records. I assume there is a court order requiring you to pay her a set amount each month and in this case it would be in your best interest to have payments go through your local Family Support Registry; you can find everything you need to know at:

http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/programs/cse/extinf.html

If there is no court order obligating you to pay her child support then I would try to get your name off the birth certificate ASAP, if that's even possible to do. That way if she takes you to court later demanding child support and you prove the child is not yours you MAY get out of it. I say MAY cause the fact that you cared for the child as your own since birth and have developed a relationship would bias the courts to say you acted as the child's father and as such are responsible for it.

There was a case recently in CA where a guy found out after 10 yrs or so that he was not the father and went to court but ended up obligated to pay child support anyway cause he acted as her father all that time. He wanted to keep seeing his "daughter" cause he did love her but he didn't want to pay the mother cause he was cheated. But that doesn't matter to the courts. The main reason child support laws are enforced is so both "parents" financially support the child so the states don't have to.

Answer 3

First off do yourself a favor and don't listen to those people who say just because you are involved in the child's life you are responible and will have to pay child support. That's just not true. If that were the case people could sue the step parents for support, and that's at best what you are. You do not have to pay for this child. You can have a birth cert ammended. You'll probably have to go to court. Bring in the DNA test and show the judge if you are not the child's father you don't have to pay. This mother is just trying to use you. Get to court, have your name removed and tell the judge you are NOT the father. You don't have to pay for other people's children.

Answer 4

You've got alot going on - on a lot of different levels. But I think it's going to boil down to what your prirority is: Developing a relationship with a child that is not yours or not paying the bogus child support. But it's unlikely you will be able to do both.

If your ex is requiring child support payments in lieu of visitation rights, your father/child relationship can only be being built on the facade that you are the biological father. Without this, you have nothing. Establish in the court system that you are not the biological father, and you can not pursue visitation rights. ....Well, you can, but you'll lose.

But keep in If you keep things as status quo and start paying the child support, your ex can, at any time, deny your paternity and pull all visitation you have established. Piss her off once and you're done. It won't matter whether you had been paying child support or not.

My advice, go see a lawyer.

Answer 5

This woman sounds like a manipulator and do you really want to have to continue dealing with her and her demands? You should hire an attorney, show them the DNA results and go to Court to have your name removed from the birth certificate. Break all ties completely. No little sting-a-long phone calls or checking to see how she or the baby are doing. In a situation like this it is best to make a clean break or else you will be paying for this child beyond it's 18th birthday.

Answer 6

"I do care for the baby but I do not want to be financially responsible for something that’s not mine. I don’t want to have to pay the mother money."

This says it all. Cut off the relationship now before the child becomes more dependent on you emotionally--and then the money won't matter in comparison to how you will hurt the child when you finally do leave.

Answer 7

What a sad thing to go through. You need to cut ALL ties with this child before like the other people have said will get more emotionally attached to you. I would not pay her anymore it's obvious all she wants is the $$. Pretty sad that kids are used as dollar signs.

Answer 8

Not really I think You should be a dad to this child but if you don't want to I'm not going to tell you you do but if the DNA test said that you are not the daddy you dont have to be the daddy but since you have been there and eventho you signd the birth citificate you dont have to but It would be nice if you would be a daddy to the child I would also keep paying this young child thinks your his daddy if you stop this it would brake his heart nowing that his daddy didnt want to be his dad anymore(as in you )

Answer 9

If you really care for the baby and want to be a part of his/her life I would talk to a lawyer about your rights, but since you are not the father I don't see why you would have to be financialy responsible for the baby, unless you adopted. But thats just my view on it. I would go talk to a lawyer.

Answer 10

your either in all the way or not whatever you do wean yourself away don't just disappear...I do recommend seeing a lawyer and figuring out what to do maybe also because you have acted like a father for so long you may have visitation rights to that child but really decide if you want to cut all ties....