Do you follow a parenting method?

Question

My son is nearing nine months old, and already it's becoming evident that we need to train him to share and not cry when he doesn't get his way. We've heard of Babywise, and to say the least, are not interested in this method of parenting. We have no idea what styles of parenting methods to research... did you subscribe to a method or use God-given intuition?

Answer 1

We are using a parenting style called Attachment Parenting. We have a four year old who is simply a delight and an eight month old who is one of the most cheerful babies ever. I think that more than any type of parenting "style", it's important to follow your heart and your intuition, but for me, attachment parenting just makes sense. It's about creating strong bonds between parent and child in order to give the child the feeling of security they need to develop into a healthy adult. Dr. William Sears is a big advocate of attachment parenting. His website has more information about it (http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/T130300.asp). There's also a fantastic book called "Attachment Parenting: Instictive Care for your Baby and Young Child" by Katie Allison Granju. She's also written a great article on the dangers of using baby trainers like Babywise (see the article here: http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/1998/08/cov_06feature.html). As I said before, however, trust your heart and your instincts to lead you in the right direction. Don't let anyone tell you there is a "right" or a "wrong" way to parent. Listen to your heart and you will be well on your way!

Answer 2

Well you have to balance out what you feel is right for your child and read more than just one book to compare ideas and advice. You have to take into consideration the child's developmental age and stage. To expect a 9 month old to not cry when things don't go his way is too high of an expectation. Especially sharing. Sharing is a complex task that can only be understood at around age 3. Children younger than 3 cannot share because they have no concept of ownership and think that the toy taken away will disappear forever. I would subscribe to the Parents magazine and go on this site below. It offers such great advice and will help you. Intuition alone isn't the way to go. We all need advice because parenting is so complex.

Answer 3

I use God given intuition. Most I would say do as well. If you are tring to change a habit of any sort and teach a new habit, I would be gentle but consistant. I would also practice and take a toy from him and make a game of it. As far as not getting his way. Don't give in because he is crying. When he stops then give it to him. If he doesn't stop crying lay him down. Then go in every 10 to 20 min and talk to him in a soothing voice that you love him. Until he falls asleep or quits crying. HTH

Answer 4

I think what children need from a very young age is consistancy. I did not follow any given written method. I followed my instinct and saw what worked and didnt for my family.
Remember all children are different. For instance scooby was sitting at four month and walking at nine months. While bug wasnt even sitting until eight months.(Scooby and bug are my oldest and youngest LOL)
With scooby even as a young toddler all I had to do was pull her away (positive reinforcement) and talk to her. With bug I had to get a little more aggressive with my tone etc.
Whatever works for your little one be consistant. I always say how very lucky I am to have four very well behaved children. But at the same time I know a big part of it is my parenting.

Answer 5

I think that you have to take the parts of each method you like the best. There is not one "perfect" babyraising method, because there are not any two children who are exactly alike. I like a lot of what Dr. T. Berry Brazelton has to say, and many of his ideas are wonderful with most children. Even many of the "older" experts such as Dr. Spock have several valid points and good information. I suggest taking a parenting class given at a college near you... colleges are generally studying the newest information (along with the basics from important contributers, such as Maria Montessori, Vygotsky, Freud, and Maslow). You can get up to date info (usually for free) and get wonderful developmental information that will help you know what is appropriate and unusual when it comes to your child. At eight months old, it is completely appropriate to cry when you want something, and sharing is not a concept that children learn well until they are near 5-6 years. Understanding basic developmental levels will help you to know when there may be a delay in development, and what to expect from your child when. It will also give you an understanding of what they can comprehend at what ages, which will help to give you tools to work with discipline.

Answer 6

When in doubt I usually reference my What To Expect The First Year book. They promote a variety of parenting methods and options that allow me to consider and choose what works best for my child. According to my book, 9 months old is a bit young to expect the child to understand sharing. They still view other people as objects and don't understand compassion and sharing just yet.

Answer 7

My intuitions have generally lined up with a parenting method known as Attachment Parenting. The main advantage of identifying yourself with a "method" is finding communities of parents who you can ask for advice without getting a lot of unhelpful attacks on things that are going fine for you.

Answer 8

Children under 3years of age are egocentric which means that they only see things from their point of view. This stage of development is ABSOLUTELLY NORMAL and is part of his development. The usual suggested age to start sharing is at about mid 3's to late 3's depending on the child's development. You can start by pointing out how it made the other child feel when he shared his toys. If the child has words than you can teach him to ask when he wants a toy. If the other child is not ready to let go of the toy, its ok . Tell your child to tell his friend to let him know when he is done with the toy so then he can have a turn. This should happen the other way too. If he has a hard time waiting for his turn, acknowledge his feelings by saying, "I know its hard to wait, as soon as he is done he will let you know." and redirect him to another activity. Since children this age don't have a sense of time its a good idea to make up a wait list or set a timer for five minutes. You can also teach your child to wait and take turns by playing games with him yourself (You can start at any age) In your case you can simply roll a ball to him back and forth sitting on the floor. And say out loud, "My turn to roll the ball",(and then when he has it) say, "Your turn to roll the ball." Learning to share doesn't just happen from one day to the other ITS A PROCESS. With babies or infants if you are not doing it already, immitating each others babbles. When the baby says , "aah!" You immidiately immitate , "aah!" and make a game out of it. With out knowing you are teaching your baby to take turns. You can find more activities at your local library or any book store, even the internet. A parenting class at your local community college helped me in getting to know child development.

Answer 9

Every child needs to be "trained" to share to not cry when he doesn't get his way. I don't think you need to follow some "experts" method, just look around you, at your own parents, other parents you know, see what works, what you like, what you don't and do what makes sense to you.

Answer 10

I would never join them. I have done some research and found these systems to range from really simple to stupidly dangerous. Trust yourselves and maybe join a parenting forum on the Internet. They are all parents and we know that only a parent can understand a parent, right?