Beginning to lose patience with my 3 year old...HELP!?

Question

My 3 year old is for the most part a pretty good kid. Lately though, when he does not get his way sometime (often when he is tired) He throws these awful fits and just crys and screams, and there is nothing you can do to stop the fit. I have tried spankings (my husband has as well), Putting him in his room, time out (time out is the usual form of punishment I use on him for everyday things). Yet it does NOTHING....He does this evil scream and he will go on for a long time until we have to give in inorder to get him. After the fit we always talk to him and let him know it is wrong and unacceptable, and make him apologize and he does. I read a technique of throwing a 1/2 cup of cold water in his face during the fit and I tried that with him today when he was refusing to take a nap, and waking up my other 2 children. So I left his room, came back and threw water in his face...It did stop the fit, after he cried from the shock of it, but I felt really bad. Is that really wrong to do

Answer 1

calm down! spanking and throwing water in his face is wrong. Ignore him and he will stop eventually. I have 5 kids they all throw fits and it is normal to test us parents. When you and your husband get mad then he is getting what he wants. I think when a parent hits when they are angry at a child shows the child to hit when they are angry. Give him attention when he is good and tell him what a good boy he is but when he is being bad just let him know you don't like the way he is acting and walk away and ignore him. Good luck!

Answer 2

Well, I would have to say a cup of cold water is less harsh than a spanking. It actually sounds like a really good idea, especially for crying/screaming fits and emotional stuff, as spanking doesn't tend to work for that stuff and neither does time outs. I think i'm going to keep that idea around for future use, thank you. You can't have done anything wrong, because you used a technique to help snap him out of it, and there is no harm can come from cold water!!! Throw a cup in your face when all kids are sleeping and see if you still feel bad afterwards. The main advice i can give, If you choose to use a disciplin, stick with that one and one only for that certain issue. That is the best advice i have ever received, and it's the only thing that works with my kids. Certain behaviors or actions get certain types of punishments, and i stay consistent with my choice for the different types of behaviors. consistency with one disciplin for an action works best, helps to teach consequences, as well as doesn't confuse the child. For example, If my son does something that could destroy someone's property or hurts his brother, he gets a spanking and goes to the door for a timeout. On the other hand if he is treating me badly or constantly doing the same actions over and over again with the above treatment, then i go to the next choice of disciplin. the main thing is sticking with one disciplin per "category" of bad behavior. I think if it worked, you did well, cuz there's no way cold water could hurt him emotionally or physically. Just stick with it, cuz the next few times he throws a fit he's likely to test your buttons so you'll get rid of that disciplin and try another. and if you do that, he wins.

Answer 3

In my opinion that was completely the wrong thing to do, it actually sounds pretty cruel. 3 year olds throw fits, they don't take naps on command. Let him throw his fit as long as he isn't physically harming himself or others. Try talking to him even through the screams and cries. If you spank him it hurts and he will cry worse. Maybe he just gets too tired and feels so bad he screams and cries. I know it's hard but hitting or throwing water in his face is wrong. You have to let him know you love him no matter what and that isn't the way to show it. Good luck, I hope things get better for him and you.

Answer 4

A three year old will do what seems from his perspective to "work". If you don't like what you are seeing, you need to change what you are doing. His behavior will change. Then you need to analyze and modify your behavior as necessary. I believe you were right to try drastic action to stop a "fit". Hopefully the 1/2 cup of cold water did the job, and you won't see them again. I would not hesitate to use that treatment to stop that level of unacceptable behavior again, if necessary. He needs to learn that the cure for the awful tired feeling is to take a nap. The problem is when you "have to give in". If you reward anti-social behavior you will see more of it. "Time out" is a strange idea. It will work for a few children, if it is presented in the right way... "What you did is socially unacceptable, so you must be by yourself. Think about why you did that, and why we don't appreciate it, and you may re-join the family when you can do things peaceably" Many children do not receive proper training from this method (for various reasons). You need to keep your actions socially acceptable (avoid child abuse) and figure out which actions of yours will cause good reactions on the part of the child. Three years old is very late, but consistency should bring good results.

Answer 5

I have a 3 year old daughter who is an "angel" at pre-school, and as soon as we get home - she throws fits and screams exactly what you are describing. I have tried ignoring her - and have had neighbors come to my door to see if everything is ok. (embarrassing to say the least!!) I have tried talking to her like a big person - no luck. I had tried just about everything I could think of to quiet her, and finally I flipped her in the mouth with my finger and told her to be quiet. It actually worked!! Yes, she cried - more out of shock than anything. But now all I have to do is put my finger close to her mouth & she will stop screaming instantly.

I haven't figured out how to get her to stop throwing things at me though - it's usually her shoes, so I can't exactly take them away from her, or throw them away.
Are all 3 year olds this irrational??

Answer 6

OK just don't pay any attention to him when he does it , it had a 3 yr old who seemed to do the same thing, just walk out of the room even if you are down the street don't pay any Attn to him, you have done the right thing by telling him what he has done wrong at his level in a calm voice, don't pay attention to the fits it may take a week or so but once he realizes it gets him no where he will stop fast as at the moment he is using it as a attention seeking tool on your and your husband
good luck

Answer 7

I'm sure you feel bad honey but you found his weakness now stick to your guns and when you say something mean it after awhile he'll learn and out grow it remember he's got your number and your the boss just use the water as a last resort and spanking doesn't work it makes them resent you more then the water and also make sure when his in his room make him stay there and maybe treat the other children for them behaving and soon he'll hate that. and always remember its better to throw water then a fist

Answer 8

The problem is, he is over tired. What needs to happen is his nap time should be scheduled earlier for when he is not exhausted. If he gives a fuss about an earlier nap time, tell him you will read his book if he lays still and closes his eyes and then stick to that. After the first time of walking out and shutting the door, he will understand and want that book read to him and take naps. I have three children who all go to bed early to get books read to them.

Answer 9

yes that wasn't a very good thing to do and i have no idea what kind of person would advise that. I have 5 childrean and a 3 year old boy. He is also a terror, You just have to give your time to know that you will not stray for what you say. He will learn but have to consistant. I certainly wouldn't advise to throwing water in his face again. Is not teaching him well.....Good luck i know that have a 3 year old is a challange

Answer 10

First thing....don't give in. If you give in to him, then he learns that "all I have to do is throw this fit, and they will give in.) I don't think throwing water in his face is a very good option...my 3 year old would probably fire one back at me. I took my daughter to a children's center one time, and they told me, when they throw these fits, to sit on the floor, cross their legs under yours and their arms acrss their chest...where they cannot move. Tell them that they are going to stay like that until they stop throwing the fit and will listen to you, or until they fall asleep. The first time, they will probably fall asleep....whatever you do....do not let them up. I know it takes a lot, but it works. After only doing this 3 times, my daughter started listening and the fits were less and less until they finally stopped....now, when she gets in trouble...I tell her to get in the corner, she does, and that's it. I haven't had any trouble with her in awhile. A lot of people don't think this approach is right or humane, but I do. And if you are desperate enough to do the water thing, this will be nothing!!! Good Luck.