Help with 3 yr olds attitude problem!?

Question

My son is 3, very intelligent, sweet and caring, however he has a major attitude problem sometimes. I was hoping he would outgrow it but its getting worse. He is very well behaved at daycare and i always get compliments on his behavior, but as soon as i get there he does a 180 and wont let me get his coat on..goes limp as i try to get him out the door, screams...so loud they had me remove him from the room once. Ive tried everything, time out when we get home, walking away from him which instills a reaction of his screaming and running after me only when i stop he goes back to his attitude. I dont know what to do! Its not just at school either, at home he refuses to listen half the time, when i punish him for not listening he slams doors, hits walls, hits himself, has even hit me..then he stops and turns back into this loving child again. What should i do?

Ok all the people who are considering answering with spanking him, please save your time and mine, i will not spank my child, i want him to listen to me out of respect, not fear.

Answer 1

Normal 3 year old tantrum stuff. he has learned that if he keeps it up long enough you will give in. Now you have quite a fight on your hands. The best way to get through this is to create a very strict schedule, and stick to it. IN others words, you pick him up, have dinner, play time, bath time, book, bed. everynight for awhile until he is over this. Kids respond to schedules, they know what to expect and that gives them comfort. i eat, i play, i tub, book, bed. Now when he throws a tantrum. You can not give in, set rules and stick to them. He is going to cry and scream for quite some time until he learns you make the rules, not him. If you get home and he screams to play or he does not want what you are cooking, just put him in his room. Without dinner if need be. If he calms down and is willing to sit and eat fine. He wont starve by missing a meal. If he hit's do not accept it. put him to bed early, take something away. The key is a daily schedule and consistancy in your actions. You give in once, and he will revert right back.

Answer 2

You need to watch the Nanny show! You will learn what you are doing wrong and how to correct it! You cannot allow your child to hit you, slam doors and throw a fit! When you walk away from him at school, why do you turn around? Walk out the door, and let him run outside after you. Then you can put him in the car and punish him when you get home. Explain why you are putting him in time out and leave him there for 3 mins. If he gets up, put him back and keep doing it till he stays the whole 3 mins. Then make him say sorry for his behavior and give him a hug. Don't let him up, til you get the sorry. If he throws a fit, put him in time out again. You have to be consistent with it. Watch the show, you'll be amazed at how well their methods work and you will learn how to get your little fella under control. Better do it ASAP as it will only get harder for you and him the longer you let it go!

Answer 3

Sorry, I have to dis-agree with the spanking. 3 year olds do not know how to express their feelings very well. Talk to your son when he is not having one of these fits. Explain why this is not right and how it makes you feel. Ask him why he acts this way. Explain to your son that there will be a punishment, no treats, tv or timeout if he behaves like this again.

I have 4 boys and only my youngest pulled these fits. Once in a grocery store, he threw himself on the ground and spun around like Larry from the 3 Stooges. It was horrible. I did not go back to that store for an entire month.

Answer 4

Have you tried positive rewards for good behavior? I have a kiddo who has the same issue, spanking dosn't work with him, time out works (only if you have the time to physically hold him in place and the ability to let him scream), but I have found that when he does do something right praising him and telling him how happy that made you and giving him a lot of love and attention for it and occasionally a small material reward. So far it's eased Joseph's tantrums 110%.

Answer 5

It sounds to me, like you're dealing with a lack of respect. Don't take this personally, but in order to get respect, you have to give respect. Try active listening. Let him know that you understand that he is frustrated, but leaving is just what has to be done at that time. Also, delayed time out is not a concept that a 3 year old can grasp, so I would not recommend it.

You could use the Montessori method at home, and give him 2 choices, the most attractive one being the one that you want him to choose. For example:

"You can either sit down nicely and enjoy your dinner, or you can sit in your room for 5 minutes."

I believe that if you consistently practice the active listening, that you will see great results, and it will help your child in later years, dealing with frustration then.

Good luck!

Answer 6

Does he act up around the dad? I think spanking only when he hits or break things. putting him in quiet time for other times, like his room or a corner with a chair facing the wall. he can not be allowed to move from this area until he agrees to listen to you. Like you said he is smart young man and I think he is requiring a little more your attention now. try to reward the good behavior and good luck

Answer 7

As every new psychology student learns, punishment is not as effective as positive reinforcement for instilling good behavior. When your child does good, reward him with praise and privilages.

When he's acting out, do your best to ignore the bad behavior. Children will feed off your frustration. Giving the kid a timeout is good in this case to burn off their excess fussiness.

The experts on the television show Nanny 911 also publish books on dealing with unruly children.

The sooner you fix this, the less likely your son will be required to take a drug like Ritalin come schoolage.

Answer 8

I am an experienced mom who once had the same problem.I decided to let my children choose from two different chooses.The choices were not always far for example when I was ready to leave the park and they would cry.I would give them the choice stay here alone or you can come with me.They soon discovered they didn't want to stay so they decided it was time to go.I would also give them choices when it was bedtime stay in the living room with the lights out or go to their bedrooms for bed.I always gave my children choices and tried to explain to them the consiquences of their actions.They are now reaching their adult lives and find these life lessons important.They decide what they want to do opposed to friends making these choices for them.

Answer 9

They always say terrible twos, but I say terrible 3s. He's angry at you for leaving him. That's all. He's just expressing his anger in the only way that he knows how. What you need to do is to try to redirect his anger into more acceptable methods of expression.

My youngest also had anger issues...even as an infant. The best advice I ever got was to carry a "mister" around with me. When she would get out of control (much like your son) she often simply couldn't turn it off. She would have to exhaust herself in order to calm herself. Instead, we introduced the mister. I kept it full of cold water. Whenever she started to get out of control, I misted her with cold water. It would immediately redirect her attention from her anger and allow her (if she wanted to) to calm down. When she got a little older, we used a "punch pillow" that she could hit whenever she felt angry.

On a plus, all the children that I know that have had this problem at a young age have turned out to be truly "gifted" children. Mine is a wonderfully well adjusted teen...captain of several varsity sports teams and constantly near the top of the honor rolls. Her GPA is amazing, her psat scores were in the top 1% and she has a huge group of friends.

Answer 10

Hi,

There really isnt enough room to put into words on how to deal with this. There are so many avenues and changes, so I searched on line for you and found this site to be very helpful, hopes it helps you as well.



http://www.womenexcel.com/pregnancy/temper.htm


Note: It says a child can act this way when excited, you mentioned it happens mostly when your around, I would say he loves you very much. I would try a different approach when you pick him up by recognizing he is excited and teach him how to handle that emotion.