Am I being too Harsh???

Question

My 12 year old is LD gifted. She has a learning disability but is gifted on top of it. If she does her school work she makes "A's". Her grades are not good becasue she doesn't turn things in and refuses to do assignments she thinks are stupid. That is the background.

My family (Mother, Sister, and myself) is planning a trip to Tokyo in April. I told my daughter that I'd bring her along (Not that I can afford it) if she obtained and maintained a B average. Her Semester grades come out in 2 weeks. She is not going to make her B.

Am I being to Harsh for not letting her go to Japan?

This trip has been in the works since August 2006. School started at the end of August she has had an entire semester to make the grades. She could easily get the grades if she just completed assignments.

In response to Melissa saying that my daughter is not recieveing help. She has an incredibly detailed IEP that she refuses to comply with. She is in the 7th grade and she has to learn how to do these things on her own. Her Learning disability is minor and it is more of an orgainization thing that anything. When a child refuses to do assingments because she feels they are beneath her then why should I reward her for not doing her best. If she was trying, then I'd be more compelled to take her with me regardless of her grades. She is not putting forth even an attempt at effort.

Answer 1

No because you set her goals, she chose not to work towards them. She knows right from wrong and it appears as if she is capable enough to do the work- whe just chose not to.

Stand your ground and dont give in. let her know if she really wants to go she better be breaking butt to fix those bad grades by turning everything in and doing extra credit.

If you give in now, she wont take you serious later.

Answer 2

I think you are being too harsh, and it sounds like a convenient excuse for a trip you can't afford. To come on and ask a bunch of people who have no experience living with or teaching a child with learning disabilites THEIR opinion is doing your daughter a grave disservice.

She has a learning disability and isn't receiving the help she needs to succeed. My son also has an LD, and the school was required to help him LEARN how to be organized and how to turn things in. I'm certain that she's refusing assignments because she already feels like she's a failure, talk about self-loathing that will last her entire life! Call an IEP meeting, tell the teacher she needs a resource teacher help teach her HOW to be a student instead of assuming she'll pick it up. Just because she's gifted doesn't take away the affects of her disability.

It's kind of like telling a kid in a wheelchair he can't go if he doesn't just get up and walk. You are having unrealistic expectations of her. She will not be able to do it if you DO NOT TEACH her how to turn stuff in and be organized.

Answer 3

I would say no, I don't think so from what I've read. My parents withheld stuff from me and my siblings for bad grades, I don't think they did wrong. The only way it would be wrong is if the child is not able to pull off the grades you are expecting, or if this learning disability means she needs help to make a b grade. but if she can do a b grade all by herself she just doesn't want to do the work, then that falls into her just being stubborn or lazy, and yes, taking away priviledges helps teach a child that priviledges, not rights, have to be earned. If you don't teach your child this lesson in life, you will wind up with a child who takes life and "extras" for granted, especially you and any priviledges you might consider giving your daughter. Keep strong and remember, priviledges have to be earned, they are not a right as a human on this earth. Being a good mother takes strength to do the tough stuff, and it sounds like you do. It's easier to give in to your child and not make them suffer the consequences, but then, you're only spoiling your child, and in my opinion, not being the best mother you can be.

Answer 4

You told her that if her marks stayed at what you expect and she didn't comply, then don't let her go to Japan. You can't break your word. How else will she learn that good things come out of hard work. You are teaching her a valuable lesson in life. Stick to your word and tell her that she cannot go. It seems harsh but if you give in, she will do whatever she wants, lose motivation to succeed and slack off. This is a consequence of not turning in assignments or doing the required homework. She is 12 and knows what she is doing. Tell her that she needs to pull up her grades or else she will lose big privileges. You want her to be prepared for the adult world. In a company, they just fire you if you don't do as expected. 12 year olds just live for the next day and cannot predict future consequences. It is up to us to teach them so they don't struggle later on in life. Stick to your rule. Good luck.

Answer 5

You answered your own question, you told her nothing less than a B.

You cannot maintain your integrity and let her go with anything less.

Not only can you not afford to let her go, she cannot afford to go either. Seems to me she has a lot of work to do, and she had better get busy if she wants to get good grades for the year.
Too bad she will miss the trip to Japan, maybe she will feel differently about her responsibilities in the future.

Answer 6

She is 12 for christ's sake. You're being more than too harsh--you're being a beotch. Are a 6th grader's grades really going to matter?? 20 years from now, is she going to look back and say, "Wow, I'm really glad mom didn't let me go on that trip to Japan with my entire family that would have been an awesome bonding and cultural experience because I didn't get a B in my LD class when I was 12." I doubt it.

Answer 7

My ds is the same way. If you get a magic bullet to figure out how to get good grades out of your child, PLEASE let me know.

Will she miss school if she goes? We took a trip before Christmas and took my son out of school for six days. i wouldn't have done so if I'd known how bad his grades would be when we booked the trip. It seems to me it would be logical consequences for her to miss the trip if it would take her out of school.

In any case, you told her she wouldn't be going if she didn't keep her grades up. One of the things I'm working on is to follow through with threatened consequences. So the trip would probably be very educational and all that ... but in your situation, I wouldn't take her.

Answer 8

No I dont think so..but going to Japan would be a wonderful learning experience that she would remember forever. Its good to follow through on your discipline but Japan would be awesome for her at this age. Maybe have another consequence..like make her keep a journal or something of the trip. Good luck and have fun on the trip.

Answer 9

NO... You are teaching her that her actions have consequences... What a huge thing to miss out on... It is not your fault at all she will miss this. You gave her the opportunity, & she p*ssed (excuse my language) it away. Maybe next time she will think about what she needs to do in life to earn the respect & opportunity & privliges to do such wonderful things! (ie. traveling, having $$$, etc.) She blew this privelidge not you! You will be doing the right thing in following through with what you said. Be firm & consistent! Good Job!

Answer 10

No, I don't think you are being too harsh. She has to learn that sometimes in life, we have to do things that we absolutely don't want to do and that we otherwise think are stupid. Maybe it will teach her a lesson to do the things that we have to do to get ahead. Since she has had ample time to bring up her grades and has not, then yes.. I think the "punishment" fits the "crime".