My boyfriend is scared and I am starting to get tired of the emotional ups and down?

Question

We have been together 4mos now and it just seems we have great times then out of no where he acts weird or it seems like he wants us to fight. I have been patient and I set him straight.. he apolgizes then becomes amazing boyfriend... then month later he will do it again.. I am starting to feel warn out and tired of "the scared of relationship thing.. he Used to being alone thing"
I love him and we are great together I just feel scared now because I know he is doubtful... Even though I don't want to if he does it again I am leaving.. is this too extreme?

Answer 1

honey, take it from a girl who made the mistake of dumping the "one" for me, because he acted like that. The true reason they are scared is because they are finally realizing that his heart is vunerable to you. Guys don't want to get their hearts broken, just like you don't. The only difference is, their ego is slightly bigger than ours. He is starting to trust you and fall for you harder every day. that scared the crud out of mostly all men, and they honestly can't help it. That is just the way they are. Believe me, be patient and he will finally realize that you like him for him, and that he doesn't have to run away from that.

Answer 2

Do you as a human being not have issues that someone else could find "tiring"? If you truly cared about a person and loved them would you want that person to lose patience with you and leave because they grew "weary"? Do you believe that you will find someone out there with whom there will be no issue what so ever that will never cause you to have questions or doubts about your relationship? I do not know all the details and I am not there to see you two interact, however are you sure there is nothing that you do to trigger his behaviour even if you are not aware of it? I am not saying break up with him or do not break up with him. The only purpose I have with asking you these questions is because you need to weigh out the pro's and con's of the relationship you are in right now because it's your responsibility to decide if it is too extreme or not. Your feeling of doubt is justified especially if his behaviour is starting to develop a pattern. I would ask you to consider carefully certain things however. For example, change takes time, and you will only have an opportunity to see change once a month, correct? So, once a month see if his behaviour is mellowing out or becoming more extreme. Ask yourself to what extent do you really care about this guy and if it is worth it to you to help walk him through this. I do know if you are able to help walk him through this "issue" that he has and stick it out with him, assuming he gets better and not worse, there very well could be a reward of affection, love, loyalty and so on at the other end. Understand? However if you are not willing to make that investment because the pro's do not outweigh the con's than I guess leaving him would not be too extreme, it's your emotions and no one knows to what extent you suffer besides you.

Answer 3

I have been down this road and I am still with my guy but we did break up for 3 months to figure things out, then he was begging me to take him back, after an 8hr talk I decided to give him a second chance, however there are exceptions now and if they are not met then we are done no questions asked. I can't stand moody men or men that just pick fights for no reason. I would have a serious chat and perhaps suggest taking a break and sort out your feelings whether you truly love each other or not. Good luck but seriously mine didn't start doing that until a year into so my honest advice was if you have any doubts bail while the going is good and find yourself a nice guy that respects you and will be there for you no matter what and a better personality.

Answer 4

From my observations all relationships can be broken down into one of three categories. I have this theory that I use to evaluate all relationships that I am in now and it's worked well for me. Bear with me, it may sound silly.

First lets imagine all people are circles, okay? Now, if you are a FULL circle you have a good sense of worth and good self esteem that aren't reliant on your significant other. People with less than that are only half circles.

Now, if you have two half circles come together to find their cliche "other half" they will be happy for a while. Why? Because they are finally complete and have created a full circle by coming together. The problem within this is that the new circle that the two of you have created one person will eventually seek to dominate the relationship because they are afraid of losing it or for another other number of reasons. The relationship will fall apart and two broken people will be in search of new relationships.

A second type of relationship is when a full circle and half circle come together. When this happens you get the "puppy dog syndrome." The half circle will constantly be checking up on the first circle, finding out where did you go last night, why wasn't i invited, I assumed we would be together for that, etc. The full circle will either try to reassure the person that all is well, or get fed up and leave.

A third type of relationship is when two full circles come together. In this scenario when the two people come together they create a third circle, and entity which they partake in, but are not themselves. For this reason neither will try to dominate the relationship and they will be able to enjoy each others company while not picking out flaws in each other, or feeling threatened by the other.

What I challenge you to do now is figure out what kind of person are you, what is your sig other, and what kind of relationship do you want? Once you know that, do what you need to do to make it happen. Most importantly be honest with yourself, because this is first and foremost about you.

Answer 5

There are many different thoughts to consider here. One of the most important ones though is "Am I happy?" At the end of the day, that should be your strongest motivator.

I've been in situations to which I was the one loving more than my partner deserved, and been in relationships where it was the other way around. As women, we sometimes allow ourselves to "fall in love" too fast rather than letting time create it for us.
Relationships are meant for two people who enjoy each others company to bond and create something special. With that being the case, constant arguing, bickering, and dissatisfaction shouldn't happen often in a loving, monogamous relationship.

All in all, you ultimately have to make the final decision as to what type of experience you want to have. It's totally up to you as to whether you want to stick around for a rollercoaster ride of emotions, or end the relationship and start anew.

P.S. Just some advice, take out a sheet of paper and write down the top 20 things you want in your significant other. After you've compiled the list, compare what you WANT in a man to what you HAVE in your boyfriend. If he doesn't compare to the sheet you have compiled, maybe it's time to move on. If he does, try to work with him to get the relationship to where you want it. This little ritual helped me find my special someone, and I've never been happier! Best of luck, I know you'll make the right decision.

Answer 6

When I met my bf he had been on his own raising his son.He started raising his son when the baby was only 1 day old.The mother was in prison.In 7 years he has never seen or heard from her.When he met me, he was so used to being on his own, that he didn't seem to want a serious relationship.We dated off and on for 6 months.I was feeling more serious about our relationship than he was.Or so I thought.Sometimes when I would stay the night with him, he would say"I love you so much" in his sleep.The next morning I would tell him what he had said.He would just laugh and shake his head.Then one night, out of the blue, he said "do you remember those nights I told you I loved you and you thought I was asleep.Well I wasn't asleep and I really do love you" I was so shocked and so happy.We moved in together right after that and are doing Great!! Maybe you just need to give him a little time.

Answer 7

Here's an answer from a guy who is in the same exact situation.

I been through a lot with women, mainly my ex. To make a long story short, let's just say she claimed to have a miscarriage with our baby but it turned out to be she really had an abortion behind my back because her other b/f (who I didn't know about) didn't want to raise a kid (She told him the kid was his). This has made it really hard for me to trust anyone, not just my girlfriend.

I get scared a lot of the time with her. I'm scared to death of her cheating on me and lying to me. More scared then I have ever been in my life. Why am I so scared? Because she has my heart in her hands. I'm so vulnerable with her it's not even funny. The wrong move by her could hurt me more then I could ever imagine, and I realize this so I'm scared that she will turn out like my ex. I know she's a different person, and that she probably won't but I'm still scared.

She knows I'm scared and I bring it up to her sometimes. We never really feel about it, but we do talk about it. She hates this about me, but she truly does love me so she understands it and accepts it. She helps me through those times, and never gets mad about it. She wants to me show that it is different, and I really appreciate her for this. If you two are truly in love, then you should want to show him that this time it is different. Running from the problem won't show him anything except that you really don't care about him.

Answer 8

Listen honey, I understand what you are saying word for word.... After 2.5 years, my guy still has those days. He goes from "Wonder Boyfriend" to being scared and acting weird in 0 to 60 seconds. No joke. Lately, I was too tired and I literally looked him in the eyes with tears in my own, and began to say goodbye.. "I'm tired of being scared all the time and I'm tired of feeling like you don't care. I love you with all my heart, but I just can't do this anymore..." He took those words into consideration and I let him know that if his sh*t keeps up, I have to say goodbye. We have been better than ever since then... maybe you should let him know what's up?

Answer 9

Girl you are in the right track. If he is complaining about being in a relationship, then why is he with you? I understand that he likes you and all but I don't think it's worth your time to be with someone who doubts the relationship you guys have. So if he keeps complaining, I would say leave him, or at least give him space. If he is really into you, once he sees that you are gone.. we will come back and not doubt the relationship anymore, but if he does not come back, girlie.. you could do better and be with some one who would actually love being in a relationship with you!!!

Good Luck!

Answer 10

People are so quick to say break up with him, dump him. Look he's got some insecurity issues to deal with and sometimes people choose not to deal with the root of the problem until their back is against the wall (meaning time apart or a separation). You'll be relieved at first(start to fell unstressed). Then, If you love him, you'll start to miss him. Hopefully in this time period when your unwinding from stress, he'll be dealing with the root of the insecurity. If he doesn't, that's not your fault and you can choose to move on. If he does, things could be fixed. Just remember people are so quick to tell say things "well if your not happy just move on". Its a mystery why the Divorce rate is so high (sarcastically said). With little effort comes little reward. Reverse to situation, put yourself in his shoes. Good luck and maybe try praying about it. People need God in their lives weather they think they do or not.

Answer 11

No, it's not too extreme.

You're allowed to leave for any reason you like, whether it's shallow or deep. This is pretty damned deep.

See, most girlfriends only have to worry about their boyfriends' personality. You have to worry about two, and you're only compatible with one of them. They come as a package deal, though. If you don't want a relationship with both, you have more than sufficient grounds to bid him adieu*.

Good luck. I'm sorry.


* A flowery phrase from days of yore meaning "kick him to the curb, girlfriend."