it feels like i'm hitting the bottom of a well and i have no strength?

Question

i know i should move out....but i can't. i don't want to feel this way but it really hurts. and i still can't accept that my three year relationship is probably over. how do you move on? and how can someone not want you anymore when you've shared things together? i can't make myself to pack my stuff!!! i feel so freaking unlovable and unwanted. i feel like i;m the lowest of the low.but i don't want to feel this way.

Answer 1

Of course you're hurting, and it's difficult to accept, and hard to deal with. That's a natural response to your partner ending your relationship.

There's no easy answer to how you move on. Some suggestions are to make sure you fill your time with other people and things: friends, family, work, volunteering, etc. Do something new or different, or if there's anything you couldn't do while with your boyfriend, make the most of having your independence back and do it! Think about all the crap stuff he did - from leaving the toilet seat up to finishing the milk and not telling you, to eating YOUR chocolate!

It is hard to understand how all that tenderness and intimacy can be replaced with coldness and distance, but I guess that it doesn't happen in the other person's heart overnight, it's just that they hide it, or don't admit it to themselves, so when it finally comes out, it's a sudden shock to you. In the future, hopefully, you will both look back with tenderness on some memories of what you shared; but even though we care about people, we don't always keep them in our lives - haven't you ever lost touch with a friend, or not visited an elderly relative as much as you should? If you need answers, ask for them, but otherwise try to accept that sometimes these things just happen and it doesn't mean you did anything wrong.

On a practical level, I assume that you moved into "his" place? If you bought/rented it together, you have an extra aspect to sort out. If it's his place, I suggest two possible ways to make the packing easier:
1. Pretend that you're just having a big ole de-clutter, making way for something new and exciting in your life. Shut off any memories or feelings and pretend you're acting a part. It might just work, though obviously isn't a long term strategy.
2. Get friends/family to come over with boxes/bags/cars and just grab your stuff and chuck it into any available container and shift it out of the place. This is quick, and you get support, but you may feel stressed soon about how disorganised your stuff is.

I know this hurts - my sister recently went through a break-up with her boyfriend, and it was the reason for my joining Yahoo Answers, to ask advice on how best to help her. I have looked at when you joined, and the first question you asked. From all the information you have given us, I think that your relationship - even if it was to continue - would be bad for you. I think part of the reason you are hurting so much is because he has damaged your self-esteem, and you find it harder to believe that you can cope without him, or that anyone else will want you. You HAVE to believe that you CAN cope, and you ARE lovable, and you DO have a future.

Remember, lots of other people have been there, too. Your friends and family love you, and will be there for you. You will get through this. Hope the support here on Yahoo is helping.

Answer 2

I really do sympathise but common sense does tell you that you have to move out. You will never feel better, or feel able to move on and get your life together, all the time that you are staying in a place where you are not wanted. Think about it - if this was a friend's problem, you would answer exactly as I, and the others on Yahoo, are answering now. It's over, you're desperately unhappy, but - for your own sanity - you have to move on,
Think back to a time before you met this person - you were probably happy then. And you will be again, when this is over and done with. Time really does heal. But you will never feel loved and unwanted all the time that you are staying in a place where you no longer feel secure or wanted.
I'm truly sorry you feel like this. But you know what the answer is - get your courage (and a few friends) together to pack your bags. Walk out of that door, leave the key behind. Make sure that you have some good friends to help you through this and listen to you scream and cry and wail ....
It will get better, but it does take time and good friends. Good luck, we're all rooting for you. I wish I was there to hold your hand ..

Answer 3

Sorry to hear you're feeling like that. I know there's no worse feeling in the world. From one who has been there I can tell you that things do get better. I met the love of my live 6 years ago. We went out for 3 years but his mother ruined it (or should I say he allowed her to ruin it). I was distraught when we split, so much so that I took an overdose. Luckily I'm still here to tell the tale but I found the whole experience draining and it took me a good year to get over it.

A couple of years on and I've had another relationship in between but I'm single now and have been for a while and to be honest, it doesn't bother me one little bit. I think the break up made me stronger and although it's hell at the time, you will come through it a more confident and stronger person. Try to stay positive and focus on what's important. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Good luck and be happy.

PS someone once told me that when you're feeling down you should sit on the floor for a while because once you've finished being upset there's only one way to go, and that's up.

Answer 4

Well tell ya, first thing is time dulls the edge. First, time can dull love, which is why ppl move on from relationships that might have meant a lot to them at first. Second, time dulls pain, so it will take ya a lil while to get over this.
If you and your partner have already talk till there's nothing else to talk abt, just pack and move out first, after all that's just abt the most practical thing you could do first, no? If the leaving each other thing was rushed and impulsive, talk it over. But, please remember to be reasonable and practical.
Well, when i broke up with my long-time bf a year ago, i was like you, ya know, messed-up. But after months, I realised I was slowly recovering. It doesn't feels so painful anymore. I put all thoughts of love outta my head and lived my life full. Then i could think of our time together and smile instead of cry. 1 month ago, i realised that we were not getting back again and decided I wanted my freedom and happiness back. So i threw away all the old stuff that reminded me of my bf (Maybe it's a lil extreme... But I believe in going all the way ^^") and then it was like a load off my heart. I didn't realise that clinging onto old memories of my bf and being sad was dragging me down. Thinking of my ex-bf still makes me a lil sad, but I learnt to look at my past experiences as happy memories and lessons learnt.

Oh no i'm being too long-winded... But i hope that my experience might help ya a bit ^^". It takes a lil while, but you learn to move on. Meanwhile, heads up and cheers!

Answer 5

I am going through a break up myself and understand that feeling of being unloved, sixteen years and two kids. Difference is I have asked her to leave because I had had enough of putting myself through a relationship which was one sided, she doesn't love me. Don't worry, don't drag out the inevitable, get on with it, move on. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but you will only find it if you move in the right direction. Pick yourself up, by a new outfit, change something in your life anything but the same routine. Good Luck

Answer 6

For a start, you need to stop feeling bad about yourself, It hurts, I know, but it does get better. Being in the same house is going to make it harder for you to heal, but you have to start thinking about you. Releationships breakdown with faults on both sides, no one is pefect we all make mistakes, dont shoulder all the blame. Unfortunatly over time people do drift apart, you cant make some one love you. There will always be special times you shared together, these are your memories and no one can take these away. You have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get out of there, go through the mourning process, get yourself sorted, and start by beliving in you, you are a wothwhile person, other people will come along dont waste yourself by hurting and hiding and feeling low, move on find someone that can treat you right and loves you in return.

Good luck

Answer 7

Mavie , chin up ! you are wanted and are loved.lots of people out there do care and i`m one of them(not a sammaritan ) but some who has just come out of a similar situation.First it was depression ,then anxiety,my doctor helped me first by listening, then advising, prescribed an anti- depressent then more listening and a mild sleeping tablet presciption to help me overcome the anxiety .You have taken the first step to resolving the problem by chatting here,believe me you will beat this ,i felt just as you feel now ,work helped and doing voluntary work gave me a sense of being appreciated,hope i`m not sounding like a born again christian ,keep in touch , John Boy

Answer 8

then stop feeling like that!!! i know it's hard and you feel like you're going to die, but you wont! you need to respect yourself because all your ex-boyfriends feels for you is pity. seeing how you can't bring yourself you move on. guys can be cruel. put yourself in his shoes, what if it was you who had ended the relationship wouldn't you want him gone, so you could move on. it's time for you to see things for what they are. it's over and you need to accept it. now pack your things and start over. buy need clothes, dye your hair, or cut it, do anything that makes you feel like there is hope. keep busy and hang with your friends. DO NOT BE ALONE!!! you'll just feel worst and feel more lonely.

good luck!!

Answer 9

once you get the strength to pack and move out, you really will hit rock bottom! but then the only way to go is up. you cant make someone love you if they dont want you, but you have got to love yourself! you will, in time meet someone else and be happier then you have been in this relationship, but your never going to find that person and happiness if you dont get out of this situation!

Answer 10

He really has rocked your confidence hasn't he. You must move out and move on. Don't waste your precious time, it can never be recaptured! I know-I did it. Wish I'd had the benefit of all this advice when I was going through it. You WILL recover and be happy again.