Does anyone else have problem with mother not letting go?

Question

I am 22 years old, not living with my parents, just graduated from college. Some decisions that I make or want to make are really hard because my mom makes me feel bad if I don't do what she thinks I should do. I understand that moms know best but I need to make decisions good or bad on my own for once.

Does anyone else have this problem?
And how do you deal with it?

Answer 1

Oh ! honey I just had a flash back as I read your question.
I am the Mother of 2 grown daughters and 3 grown sons. It is so hard to let go completely for a Mother. I hope you will try to have a nice face to face talk with her that will assure her that you will always be there for her, and that you want to now learn how to manage on your own. She needs reassurance I suppose.
My first daughter left home at 19 and became a United Airline Stewardess, made a career of it. We were in Calif.. she was in N.J.. Second daughter left at 22 and has made very wise choices and has a very successful career with an oil co..So I know it can be done first hand, but there was fear for me of what could happen and then after much prayer, I said "Lord take this burden from me and keep my mouth shut and I left it there with him and everything has worked out fine.
We give you a nest to lie in and then we must give you wings to fly. Be patient with Mother & take good care of yourself and
Have a Wonderful New Year~~God Bless You & Mother~~

Answer 2

I am 48 years old, and my mom still makes me feel bad if I don't do what she thinks I should do! I am a mom also, and because of what I have been through with my mother I consciously try not to put my 23-year old daughter in your situation. It is difficult, though. Us moms are very good at laying on the guilt, but it is usually out of love for you and fear that something bad will happen to you. Try to understand things from your mom's point of view, but let her know as kindly as possible that you must make some decisions on your own. Do consider her advice, also. Sometimes she may actually be right, or at least partly right. Maybe after some of your choices turn out well she will be able to start letting go.

Answer 3

Don't talk to her as much about your decisions, don't tell her the details. If she asks and you think she'll have an opinion, answer in a very general way or change the subject. OR be honest with her and say, "You know what, I really don't want to talk about this, because you'll probably disagree and then make me feel bad that I didn't chose the option you would chose. I am trying to become my own person, and you have to let me make some of my own decisions to figure out things on my own. If I'm in SERIOUS trouble, I will come to you for your help." Good Luck

Answer 4

You will always be your Mothers child and she will always try to guide you - but part of being an adult is the ability to make decisions for yourself and not feel bad about them.
Heck - I'm 36 and haven't lived with my mother for 20 YEARS and she still puts her two cents in lol. I just tell her I love her and I appreciate her opinions but I need to make my life decisions based on what works for me.
(And yes many times she was right, and I did fall flat on my face - that's called growing up and it's okay!)

Answer 5

Listen to Susie D. She's your mom. You can make good boundaries as far as your decisions but she'll always be your mom.

I'm 44; same here.

Best part--you'll be doing the same thing to your kids.

Hang in there.

Answer 6

Not yet I dont! lol My son is 16 and has already been accepted into medical school and Im already missing him like crazy! And he isnt even gone yet! I already apologized to him in advance for hanging on a little tighter the next 2 years! She loves you and means well and its all out of love. Listen to her advice but do what YOU feel is best for you. She will get over it I promise you!

Answer 7

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Answer 8

You should take her feelings into consideration but continue to follow through on your plans in life.. If your mother loves you as much as you think she does she should want you to make choices on your own (we all gotta take chances.. live and learn).. She gave you her opinion about how she feels but she should really wanna give you guidance and support because it means alot more..