Why do my children treat my husband differently?

Question

My husband works long hours and is an obsessive clean freak! When he comes home from work he complains the moment he steps in the door about petty things...(toys, crumbs on the floor, etc...) Anytime he asks our two daughters, ages 6 and 4, to do something or disipline them, they scream and cry,run or totally ignore him. They tell him they hate him or wishes he would go back to work quite often. I know their behavior has hurt my husbands feelings and I've told them their behavior is unacceptable but it still continues...My husband rarely takes the time to spend time with the girls but does make it a point to spend time with our 3mo. son. I wonder if this has made the girls jealous and if this is the reason for it, but it was this way before my son was born it's just gotten worse. I want my kids to have a good relationship with their father but I'm not exactly sure what I can do to help make the relationship better. I would appreciate any suggestions.

They are his children, not step children.

There are so many good answers! Thanks for sharing all the personal experiences also!

Answer 1

WOW! I never thought I'd meet another person with a husband the same as mine! My husband is an obsessive clean freak as well, and the same thing, he comes home and starts complaining the minute he walks through the door, I barely get a hi how are you out of him, before his eyebrows cross and he gets a disgusted look on his face, and sais.. What is that doing there.. blah blah blah! on the other hand, my husband generally has a good relationship with our kids, when he's on a cleaning rampage, or in a bad mood, my kids avoid him too, and I respect the fact that they don't want to be around him at that time. However, My husband recognizes his behaviour is not right, and he is currently in counceling, do you think your husband would be willing to seek help for his obsessiveness? if it is affecting your kids, then he obviously has a problem. I don't think that forcing the kids on him is a good idea, I think it will make them resent him even more, I think that it would be a good idea to let your husband see what effect his behaviour is having on the kids. And realize that he needs to get some help. He loves his kids, and maybe knowing the fact that he is having this effect on them, will motivate him to seek some help. Does your husband have O.C.D? sounds like it, but I'm not a dr and cant make that call. I hope you find the answer you are looking for! GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 2

Sounds like you need to have a serious talk with him. Children grow up so fast and he is really missing out on some wonderful times. A few crumbs on the floor will mean nothing when your children are grown-up. Try getting him to focus on being a part of the family and doing fun family activities, the cleaning can wait.

He doesn't sound very fun to be around, I can't blame the kids. Speak to your husband alone, not infront of the kids. Tell him how you feel.

Good Luck!

Answer 3

Sounds like you may have a "do as I say, not as I do" policy going on in your home. Ever heard the expression "lead by example"? There is no excuse for your girls to be rude or disrespectful in any case, much less to a parent but that can only be traced back to how the two of you are 'letting' them behave. There is also no excuse for being absent from your family for extended periods and favoring one child over another or others. (Do not think for one second that I am calling you bad parents, that is not the case, I do not know you and I highly doubt you'd go to the trouble of asking this question if you didn't care about the well being of your family.) If Dad spews negativity the minute he walks in the door where do you think daughters get it from? If Dad makes no effort to spend quality time with them, what makes either of you think they'll welcome him with a loving attitude when it comes to anything he has to offer? Has Dad asked himself if toys left out or crumbs on the floor are more important than an healthy and meaningful bond with his children? Are there consequences other than a "talk" about their behavior? They should be punished any time their reaction to a situation is unacceptable, whether it be a time out or standing in the corner or a favorite toy taken away. Maybe if Dad was home more often and they were able to interact with him on more of a regular basis, they'd be more receptive to constructive critiscm when it's appropriate as long as he's sure to praise as often as complain. Sounds like everyone needs to take a step back and evalute what they are or are not doing to add to the situation and modify their behavior accordingly. Best of luck with this issue.

Answer 4

It is the relantionship, unfortunely the child aren't getting the fatherly attention they want so when he tries to act like a father they rebel against it.

Think of it this way if all you knew of a person was someone who complained, never spent to much time with you, would you value their opinion as much as someone who is caring towards you and treats you nice?

Your daughters resent the fact that he does not treat them equally. This is something that needs to be fixed pronto. A don't know how long these situation has been going on, but if it has been a while I would suggest family counseling all of you.

Answer 5

Would you want to hang around a person that complains, ignores you, and disciplines but doesn't show you love or play with you? Would you stay married to him if he treated you like he treats those girls? He needs a huge reality check. And I'd be very pissed if he paid more attention to the boy just because he's a boy. He needs to start acting like a father and taking interest in his kids! All of them!

Answer 6

Hey...I thought MY husband was the only one this way...and now there's another one! My husband too works long hours...and is...what I would call OCD! He too complains if there is one crumb on the floor...or toys strung all over...and I tell him...what do you expect...these are small children?! Children are bound to make messes. The way that your husband and mine differ...is that when my husband asks the kids to do something...they RUN and get the job done...when I ask...they basically laugh at me! I believe that my kids are afraid of my husband...and I see nothing wrong in alittle fear toward the parent. This keeps the kids in line. However...your children...are not afraid to stand up to their father. Your husband not spending quality time with your daughters will make a BIG difference on them later in their life...and not only that...your husband will regret his decision....when the kids grow up and move away! Your husband needs to lighten up alittle...as does my husband. Your husband spending most of his free time with your son...will make the girls hate him...and resent their brother...who has done nothing to them! I would try to have a calm and rational talk with your husband about how you feel...if that doesn't work...then maybe if you both went to therapy...that might work.

Answer 7

it is posible that they feel that way because instead of trying to spend time with them as soon as he gets home he starts to yell and disiplen them. That always has a negitive afect on children for they crave love and attention. Maybe if he could come home and over look the signs of children and play with them more they would want him home more. He needs to understand that with children those ages there are going to be messes no matter how much he wants it to be clean and he needs to get over it and try to show his love to them. As for him showing more attention to your son that too could be why they have gotten worse now they see and understand more then most adults give creadit and it probley does hurt them. Try asking him why this is maybe he just doesn't know how to handle playing with girls and has that mocho ego about boys I don't know I don't want to put your husband down I am sure he trys his best. Try having him play and forget the messes though that is my advice I hope it helps and makes sence LOL.

Answer 8

This isn't your daughters fault!
Don't blame them for how they act toward him!
My step dad was incredibly horrid when he got home, never spent a minute with me,and wa salways nit picking the petty stuff and disciplining me - i acted toward him the way your girls are acting toward their dad - it's called resentment!

Maybe if your husband just chilled out and spent some time with his daughters there wouldn't be much of a problem. Kids leave tpys about and if you don't want them out and know it's going to cause a problem teach them to put their toys away when they are done playing with them. Kids don't learn by being yelled at, they learn by nurture.
Seriously, crumbs? That's going a bit far. I'm the biggest neat freak around, but if my daughters spill crumbs, i vacuum it up! No big deal, kids aren't clean or perfect and you shouldn't expect them to be.
If you want the girls to have a good r'ship with their dad then you need to step up and tell him to back off and that toys can be put away, crumbs can hoovered up, so go send some time with his girls. Ask them how their day was, what they want to do.....
Thyis isn't your girls fault.

Answer 9

Why do my children treat my husband differently?

Answer 10

Is it possible to loose 1 Kg in a day?