I need some advice about my relationship with my boyfriend.?

Question

We have a 7 mo. son together. So that's why I'm asking in this forum because ya'll (or most are parents). MY boyfriend is laid off and has been for the past 2 or months. We can not afford to pay our bills, they are way behind. His mom gives us money to help buy groceries etc. And I'm so thankful for that. My family helps out a lot too, but I feel like I shouldn't ask them for anything (his mother either) because I feel that he should be doing more to get bills paid. He goes out frequently, to the casino, and he says when I get upset about it, that the money he wins goes to paying bills, but it really doesn't, it's paid one $39 phone bill. He goes out a drinks, stays up until 7 am and then sleeps all day and (i feel) most of the time starts the whole oredeal over again. If he's not at the casino he is downstairs on his computer playing games and drinking, but he does do that after our son goes to bed. What should I do? I'm thinking about leaving, I'm tired of it.

I'm going back to school now to get my nursing degree. I'm scared Sh**-less to leave.

My sister lives an hour away, my parents and other brothers live 8 hours away. I really don't have any one real close to me to help. I don't know anybody where I live. I have talked to him before about it, and I'll try one more time and if things don't change, I'll leave. The thing is he is so full of pride and stubborn, if I give him an ultimatum to straighten up or I'll leave, he'll let me leave because he hates ultimatums (with any given situation).

Answer 1

Hmm does the problem lie within him or you?
Just hear me out on this first.
Most people are going to tell you to leave and I would say with 99% accuracy you have already come to this conclusion on your own and most likely not just now but probably about a month ago.
So the question really is "Do I have the guts to leave"
You have a baby and you dont want to go to your family and admit the relationship has failed or that you made a bad choice. But guess what they already know. So let your pride down and go to your family and see if there is someone you can stay with.
And then make the best of the situation and go to school. There are tons of programs that help single moms including Pell Grant, Job training partnership grants, state aide and HUD that you can get on long enough to get a degree.
I think once you get a degree and realize that you have the potential/ability to support you and your son your standards in choosing a male partner will rise quite a bit.

Answer 2

I feel alot different about things than other people do, so here is my opinion. There is no guarantee in life that someone will provide for you and take care of you. It's good that you are doing something about your life, rather than sitting around waiting for someone to hand you a degree and a good job. You are going to have to stand up to him and if he thinks you are wrong then you have every right to leave and take your son to provide a better life for both of you. Family handing out money is always nice, dont get me wrong, but I am sure they want the bills to get paid! Women have been doing things on their own with children throughout the years and have made it just fine. You shouldn't have to sit back and watch him drown in gambling and drinking. They are both an addiction and very hard to break. I have seen many people letting their families go down the drain just so they can go to the bar and gamble. If you want to leave,and you feel like nothing is going to change, then do it! I hate seeing someone in the position that you are in and especially when the men turn violent. I hate to say it but when bills start racking up and babies need things, alcohol causes depression and they need a way out, they will start getting aggessive. Especially if they are losing the money that can feed their habits. Just make sure whatever choice you make is something that you can live with. If you do decide to leave...just remember, there are people out there that will help you and from experience.....there is a man that will think the world of you and your son and treat you like a princess for life when you are ready for it. Good Luck!

Answer 3

If you have already talked to him before about getting a job and straightening up his act and he still hasent changed, then I say leave. You cant keep waiting around for him to get his act together. You have a baby to worry about feeding and taking care of. Your probably better off on your own anyway, he's only holding you and your son back. Your son and yourself are the people you need to be worrying about right now, not your boyfriend. He is obviously showing that he doesnt care enough about the relationship or his son to even have a job. Not to mention he's gambling and drinking on top of all of it. If later down the line he striaghtens up then maybe, if you want, you could take him back. Sorry your in a hard situation. Hope this helps.

Answer 4

your boyfriend needs to grow up. He sounds like an alcoholic as well, and may need an intervention. Give him an ultimatum to shape up or ship out. A father should not put his family in that situation ever, there's just no call for it.

What would he do if you left him and went to stay with your parents. Would he get the hint? It may come to that, you may need to show him the meaning of losing you, even if it's just for a couple of days.

There was a time when I was mean to my wife. Not violent, but some of the things she did around the house and around me I couldn't deal with, so I'd not be very civil to her. We have 3 small children at the time. I still feel I was not in the wrong by being angry, but she went to her mom's to "spend the night" but forgot to tell me. I still remember that and never want to feel that alone again. We've been married for 19 years and now when we don't see eye to eye, we talk it through.

Make your statement soon and don't let it get worse. Once he starts sliding down the slippery slope of alcohol, drugs, and depression, it's going to be difficult to get him back.

Answer 5

You are in a difficult situation. You need to sit down and make a list of what is good and what is bad in your relationship with your boyfriend. You also need to think about is; he looking for a job or has he given up on himself. How was he before he was laid off. Is this a drastic change from what he was to what he is now.
I wouldn't presume to tell you what you should do, only you can make the decision. From the sounds of it, you have some serious thinking to do. I know you are scared to leave but if you decide that is best for you and you son then it will be. If you decide to stay you and your b/f need to do some serious talking with a family counselor to mediate. Good luck

Answer 6

You can't live like that. He needs to be responsible and get out and get a job, not play at a casino. He has a child to feed. He obviously has a problem that he isn't ready to face. Until he is ready to face his gambling problem, and drinking problem, your life will not get any better.

I think you would be better off to leave. He may be depressed because he has "failed". I would sit down and talk to him first about it. Have a sincere honest heart to heart talk. If he doesn't put any effort in getting him self a job, or straightened up, in say a weeks time, leave. You know him better than anyone. You have your son to think of first. I would probably leave anyway. That might open his eyes quicker than anything.

Hugs to you. I will be praying for your inner strength and courage. You can do it. You have your family to support you in this time.

Answer 7

I am sorry, I am not a a parent, but I can tell you my thoughts.
It sounds to me like you are in a difficult situation. If it is exactly as you are saying, then your boyfriend is acting EXTREMELY irresponsible! It's a difficult situation indeed, and harder still because you have the wellfare of your little son to think of, which I am sure you are doing. : )
I would try to find out why your boyfriend is so unmotivated to bear his responsibility to take care of his family. Do you work (not that I really think that is ideal - esp. since you have a baby; but in extreme situations...)? Is there any way you can motivate him to want to care for you and your child more; to get him motivated, etc.?
If worse comes to worse, perhaps taking the child and leaving temporarily, to go and stay with your folks might be an answer. It might give him the reality shock that he just might need.
Good luck! You sound like a caring young mother, who deserves a real man to care for her and for your child.
God bless you!

Answer 8

I beleive the best thing to do is , is list the things that he is doing to you and your son that are harming your relationship. See if listing them in paper will help him identify that these are problems he'll have to change if he wants to continue this relationship. If you are cared to talk to him or you guys argue and don't talk these problems ou, get a mediator to help deal with these problems. So first communication , second acknowledgement, third change. If he is not willing to listen, you will probably be better off leaving and, I'll bet after you leave he'll be willing to at least try.

Answer 9

It is very likely that he has another problem that you may be unaware of.....drugs? I think that sucks you are having to do the work of being the only responsible parens...If your parents and his are willing to help they might help when you leave him so that way you can get a job while they take turns watching your son for you, and he can waste his own time; and you won't have to take care/worry about two children.

Answer 10

Read your paragraph. It seems so obvious. You made a bad choice in picking out your baby's daddy. You will never get anywhere with him. Leave him now, get some job training and make your own future. YOU OWE IT TO YOUR BABY. Get a court to order child support but don't ever expect him to pay it. He won't. It is just in case he hits that "jackpot".