Tuesday night we had to call the police because he was messed up and I told him to get help or leave. He was going to leave messed up and take his 3 kids that we have with him. The mother left months ago to live her carefree life. The kids were screaming and begging for us not to let him take them with him. I had to give up so he wouldn't take them. Yesterday he overdosed and we gave all the info to the police/medics. They called at 06:30 this am saying they were releasing him. Childrens serv has been involved since day 1. He now has threatned me and my b/f because his drugs are out of my house and he is not allowed back to see the kids till we go to court. I love my bro but he is going to end up killing himself or one of the kids. I don't want to see him go to jail but I have to protect the kids. Addicts will do anything-I know firsthand and I fear the worst. I'm scared he is goin to show up/4 the kids and his drugs which we don't hve anymore. Need some kind word/adv-plz!!
2007-01-11 04:45:30 · 14 answers · asked by TJ 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Childresn's Services just left my house. They left a statement saying that he cannot see the kids unsupervised or messed up. Are you kidding me??? He spent 30 in a program about a year ago and he never stopped. The mother is a meth addict--I am not sticking up for my bro-I don't want either of them to have them. I am hurting so bad right now that I keep wiping tears just to type. I figured I would get a response, but the words of encouragement are overwhelming. I just keep feeling if I'm doing something so good, why do I feel so bad? Please don't feel sorry for me, I just don't know how we are going to do this w/o money. My b/f is on SSI and I just lost my job. He just got a job that starts in the next two weeks or so. I'm sure God will help us in that department, I won't take handouts. I just needed someone to tell me I'm right. I even em the show "intervention" begging for help. His meds are prescribed, we called and got him cut off so it will all be bad when he gets out
2007-01-11 05:11:30 · update #1
If I tell the story, I believe the whole story should be known. I grew up in a house where prescriptions were a way of life. I've seen mental, physical and major emotional abuse. I could write a book and swear to you it would be a best seller. He is just like my father. He will never change. This is a problem we have had for years. The reason I know first hand is because I am also a recovering addict-after 13 years I realize this wasn't the lifestyle I wanted anymore. I think that's why I have such an emotional attachement to this is because I feel like I'm coloring the kettle black. I have tried and tried to help. I have on or off drugs always been the one to save the day for any problems that anyone had. When my dad beat my mom I thought I had to bring them back together. When my brother was put in jail-I sold his trailer and moved his stuff. I am the oldest of three and I feel the world is on my shoulders, I'm never been good enough for anyone-and that deeply hurts.
2007-01-11 05:34:18 · update #2
you know he needs to stop abusing.
doesn't sound like
just telling him that
is going to make much difference
it's good you're there for his children
and for him, as much as you can be.
talk to him away from your house.
when he shows up, ask him to go take a walk/drive w/you
or, make arrangements (over the 'phone) to go get coffee/cig.
of course,
have this conversation
during one of his most sober times
--and not when he's looking to score.
he'll always be a little high,
but, pick a time when he's most clear-headed.
he wants the best for his children
and for you
and, of course, for himself.
he DOES do the best he can
at this time
tell him...
that you're not trying to make him
stop anything
or DO anything (like go into rehab)
but that, of course, you'd LIKE to see him
slow down
--even if it means getting help in doing so
(he'll be relieved to hear that you're not trying to control him)
tell him
you know he's making the decisions
he needs to make right now.
tell him that you think the children
should be w/you for awhile
(legally, so you can get financial help)
while he gets straightened around
w/job and housing and use-limits, etc.
tell him...
they NEED for him to stay in their lives.
and you know that he WANTS to be there
as much as he can
ask him what HE wants
to happen
w/the children
w/his own plans for his future...dreams, etc..
ask him
how he'd like you to be involved
and what help he'd like from you.
speak real.
ask him what should you do
when he gets high/angry
and comes around and scares the kids, etc.
tell him that you don't want to/or plan on
involving the police
but that you DO have to protect the children and yourself
tell him that he scares you
when he gets out of control
and that you're scared that
he's killing himself.
tell him that you love him
and need him
that you need your brother
that you know you'll all get by this
ask him for help
he needs to feel that he is still of use and value...
and you DO need his help.
you can't run his life.
even if he's ruining it himself.
you'll have this talk w/him
and you'll both make plans.
you'll succeed at some of them.
you'll fail at others.
you'll need to have this talk again w/him.
don't worry.
that's not a bad thing.
stick w/it.
stick w/him.
he loves you.
he needs you.
he's family.
but, he's not your only family.
and he's not your first concern.
YOU are your first concern.
then, your kids.
but, it'll all work out.
it's gonna take time.
most of this year.
don't give up.
make time each day to do things that pleasure tj
g'luck
read your additional note...
are you saying that you called and got your brother's meds. cut off?
if so, that was a wrong action.
it was not for you to do.
you should not have done that.
listen more closely to your guides.
read your second additional note...
you need a break
from the drama
of your personal life.
go visit a nursing home
during visiting hours.
or the geriatric ward in a hospital
during visiting hours.
there are a lot of positive things in your life.
sit down w/a coffee
--even if it has to be in the middle of the nyx--
and make a list.
there are more things on it than you think.
that's a start.
now, make a list of everything negative.
it's not as long as all that.
beside everything negative,
write down everything that is on the horizon to fix it.
ex.
bf no job.....one coming in a couple of weeks.
on another list
write down the negative things again
and beside them, write down your dream fix.
ex.
bro. a substance abuser....clean & happy, w/job & house
(and his kids)
ex.
"me"...depressed, overworked, underpaid...healthy w/a super country singing gig
think...how am i going to get..."there"?
the answers are already in your head.
you're blocking them.
expand your circle.
p.s.
we can't grab the future
if we're holding on to the past
2007-01-11 05:30:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
As harsh as it sounds, jail seems to be the best option for him. You are right to be concerned about the children. My first marriage was to an addict, and the kids are the ones that suffered the most. Have you considered a restraining order? I know he is your brother, and part of you wants to believe that he wouldn't harm you or the children, but you also mentioned that you know firsthand the affects that drugs can take on a person. Get a restraining order, have everything documented. When I got out of my marriage, it was after realizing that the children were the ones who couldn't do anything for themselves, so someone has to. The children need a positive and stable home front, and it seems to me that you are their only chance for that at this time.
2007-01-11 12:55:23 · answer #2 · answered by Michelle W 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi, you are doing the right thing.It is a very difficult situation you are in and you are doing the best for the kids. I hope your brother realizes one day that he has a wonderful sister that cares. Usually addicts have to hit rock bottom to realize they have a big problem and also congratulations to you for realizing that drugs is not the right path and thumbs up I hope you carry on clean for the rest of your life! Good Luck and God Bless!
2007-01-11 17:00:46 · answer #3 · answered by superstar68 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he shows up have your phone in hand and 911 on speed dial, if he starts up call the police in to arrest him. If he seems like he wants to change his life, then talk to him outside the house until you feel he is being serious. He should know that after all that's happened you can't trust him. You are doing the right thing. Keep it up. Good luck and God bless!
2007-01-11 12:52:07 · answer #4 · answered by lilmama 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Lord forgive me for saying this....
Give him what he wants.
He doesn't want the kids.
He wants money. Give him some "change" whenever you see him. $20 here and there. Just enough. Ask him to go get some stamps or something from the store and tell him to keep the change.
This does "enable" him to buy his stuff, but it keeps him out of your hair until the court stuff is settled. After things are settled, that doesn't stop him from coming to your house and nutting up anyway. Sure you can call the police, but he'll be back.
Just give him the money.
2007-01-11 12:55:10 · answer #5 · answered by tbonz 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
wow, i know excatly how that feels my bubbba was a addict as well with kids although he had his wife around but when she left him toi live with our mom we kept the kids away, i know it so tough to do that but it has to be done you just go to your brother and sit him down and tell him hey i love you and that is why i am doing all i can to help you, you reassure him that you are going to be there for him no matter what cuz when he finally does hit rock bottom and want to change his life around then he will need some support you tell him if he wants to see the kids then this is what he will have to do, untill then you will be keeping them away and you just stay strong for the kids and him o.k. and your a wonderful sister for caring... i know what its like i have been there
2007-01-11 12:56:32 · answer #6 · answered by brown_eyedgurl22 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are doing the right thing. I assume you have a lawyer and are trying to get a lawyer. Maybe you should get a protective order as well. It is sad the kids have to see this. Sad that you have to go through it. Sad that your brother uses his kids to manipulate you.
I hope everything works out for you and your family.
Hopefully your brother will eventually get the help he needs.
2007-01-11 13:00:10 · answer #7 · answered by fab 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Contact the Department of Social Services, and get a Restraining Order. Keep the kids away from him until he stops using he goes into rehab.
2007-01-11 12:53:54 · answer #8 · answered by David G 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The only way he is going to get help is if he wants it. You need to try to keep the children away from him when he is like that. Check into some rehabs. You may be able to sign him up for one your self. Really reporting him would be the best thing for the kids.
2007-01-11 12:58:32 · answer #9 · answered by lady bug 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like you are doing the right thing by keeping him away from the kids. What a tough situation. I hope that everything goes smoothly and your brother wakes up to see what he is doing to his poor kids before it is too late.
2007-01-11 12:49:53 · answer #10 · answered by janeannpat 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋