How do I Tell my daughter that her father left her when she was 2 months old?

Question

He wasnt there at ALL during my pregnancy and labor. He got a DNA test done and called me wanting to see her. He was there for 2 months then split. I havent talked to him in about 9-10 months...

Answer 1

It's not really healthy for your daughter to hear that her father is a terrible person. Eventually she'll realize that he was a no show and obviously a man with no substance. He may realize what a tragic decision he made and want to try to be in her life later, by not making harsh statements about him it will be easier for her to transition and become familiar with him. Just be supportive at all times. If you need to bash this man then by all means do so, just not to her. Be the positive in her life. I know many children who've grown up without a certain parent and not one has ever wanted to hear that a parent was a useless waste of space.

Answer 2

She's not going to ask what happen for quite some time. At first - she'll probably ask IF she has a Dad. And you can tell her yes - but you don't know where he is. (Do you know where he is? I sounds like you don't)

Don't talk bad about him. Yes - he is scum. But - he is her Dad. Her ONLY Dad. She will either have a relationship with him (Relationships with Dads are very important!) or she'll never know him - and she'll figure out on her own that he is scum.

If she asks where he is tell her the truth (which may be "I don't know". If she asks why he left - tell her "You'll have to ask him if you ever meet him."

Remember - YOU are the person who chose to make a baby with this guy.

Does he provide child support? If so - he should be seeing her.

Good luck.

Answer 3

I am personnally in the daughters situation, I am now 22 years old. My mom explained the whole thing to me when I was 12. My mom was always there and let me know how much she supported and loved me, and I didn't really feel too badly about the whole situation because I had never known my dad. I knew that if he had been in my life it would have been harder because he couldn't handle responsibility, and I would have wanted him to be there for me and I would have just been let down. I think as long as your daughter knows you are there for her and you have a strong relationship she will appreciate you even more. I don't think you should explain the whole situation to her until she is older though. No child really wants to hear that a parent didn't want them after being there. Sometimes it does hurt but the most important thing for her now is you!

Answer 4

I will have deal with this exact situation in the future too. I left my ex whilst pregnant. It was not a healthy/safe situation for me to be in, so there was no way it would have been a suitable environment for a child.
He was very controlling and abusive and ended up committing suicide when my child was 9mo.
All I'm going to say when the time time comes is, that unfortunatley he was not very well and he died. I don't think any child needs to know about suicide...I'm not going to say "oh he was an A**hole"etc, because that will only make me look like a sour b*tch. My child is loved and knows it. And has a far better quality if life without him in it.
Don't poison your childs mind with your impressions(if negative) about the father, the child will make up thier own mind about it.

Answer 5

Let's see.. first I do not admire the spot you have found yourself in, but for some reason believe you will do the right thing at the right time.
How old is your daughter? If she is younger than 10 years old, I would wait, that is to say unless she asks you before turning 10.
Be sure to assure her she is the greatest thing that ever happened to you.. Because I am sure she is.
Let her know that no matter how much two people love each other it does not gauarantee the relationship will last forever.
Let her know it had nothing to do with her, make sure she understands that. - Stay close to her throughout her life, and let her know how proud you are to be her Mother.
And lastly, DO NOT EVER BASH HER DAD TO HER..
You do not have to sing his praises, but do not knock him down.
Good Luck to you both..

Answer 6

Well 1st you need to wait for the right age..like when she asks. and 2nd I would say he left "her" say something in the effect that daddy was not ready to be a dad yet but thats okay cause we have each other and I love you so much. Don't belittle the father even if he is a deadbeat dad. In the long run it makes you look bad and she will grow up respecting you more and she will be able to form her own opions

Answer 7

Why do you have to TELL her, wait until she ASKS, if she is happy and hasn't inquired about it don't upset the apple cart. She will eventually want to know I'm sure but be careful how you tell her, you can come off looking like the bad guy. Be sure and tell her that he loved her but he just wasn't able to handle the responsibility of a child....

Answer 8

Wait until she starts to ask questions, and then only give her as much information as she can handle at that age. And don't make it about her, make it about you and him, you didn't love each other like mommies and daddies are supposed to. So many other moms are in the same boat, maybe you can find other moms and form a support group, or find one.

Answer 9

Wait until she starts to ask questions, and then only give her as much information as she can handle at that age. And don't make it about her, make it about you and him, you didn't love each other like mommies and daddies are supposed to. So many other moms are in the same boat, maybe you can find other moms and form a support group, or find one.

Answer 10

Don't tell her until she asks. Beyond the fact that he wasn't ready to be a dad, never say anything bad about him in her hearing. Unless he is paying court ordered child support, he has no right to see her!