If we have to punish our kid, is it important to let him know we love him/her anyway?

Question

Sometimes our kids make us mad. When tehy are being punished, should we tell them we love them anyway and the thing will be over if he/she decides to change behavior?

Answer 1

When punishing your child tell them you are doing it because you love them and you don't want them to grown up doing things wrong. Also make sure they know the exact reason for their punishment. Many parents tend to hit their children without explaining why.

Answer 2

1. Always tell your kids you love them. Tell them every day ,it's really important they know that.
2. If you threaten a kid with punishment and you don't follow through, they learn that you're full of empty threats and will not punish them ever. Don't do this, it's a big mistake. If you say to your kid "You're grounded if you say one more word" and they say one more word, they're grounded. Unfortunately when it comes to discipline, you must be very black and white about such matters with kids.
3. Make the punishment fit the crime. You should not dish out a major whoopin if the kids makes a simple mistake.
4. Make sure you tell them what they're being punished for, what it will take to get out of hack, and what your rules are. Kids are not stupid, they cannot read minds either. Give them the tools to do the job right.
5. Reward them for good behavior on the spot. Positive reinforcement is more important than punnishing bad behavior. You'll draw a lot more bees to honey as the saying goes.
6. And most important, if you loose your temper, walk away from the situation if you can and compose yourself. Showing absolute anger to a child will give them the idea that it's ok to unleash it whenever they want. Show them how to control themselves propperly and it will also keep you from becoming a possible abusive parent (it happens more often than you think).

Parenting is not a science. I've known dozens of fantastic people with tons of expertise in raising and mentoring young kids, but I have yet to meet one that "hit a homerun" when it comes to raising thier children. You're human and will make mistakes, remember that your kids are human too and they're apt to make mistakes, that's how we learn after all. Good luck.

Answer 3

Yes,

you should let him know that you love him. Also very important that you get across to him that HE is not bad but his actions were. Your not a bad person, but you didnt think through your actions, what the results could be, who you could hurt. Now you have to live with the consequences..

If you set a punishment, grounded for a week, no TV, extra chores. Make sure it is completed,do not give in half way through because it seems remorsefull or is painfull for you.
Otherwise, what you get is, Yea, I can do this, they will ground me for a week but I can whine or sweet talk them out of half of it. No big deal... Personally, I like signing them up for some type of community sevice. Three weekend's of working an 5 or 8 hour shift on Sat. leaves an impression. leaving them in their rooms with their ipod and cell phone and all the other gadgets does not seem much of a punishment.

Answer 4

It is always important to let your kid know you ove them NO MATTER WHAT. I am a representative of the school of hard knocks. I think it is also very important to choose your punishments wisely. Pain is a great learning tool. Not like beating your kids (even though a little bit of a belt wouldn't be bad) I am a firm believer in making children do Push ups and sit ups as punishment. Don't even count how many they do, and get creativewith it. You will be suprised at how strong your kids grow to be. Physically and mentally.

Answer 5

At the moment you are punishing him, like imposing his sentence, example..no tv for a week, no nights out with friends for a month, no car use for the rest of the week, and for younger kids, the same thing, like time out, no tv, off to their rooms, your voice and demeanor without shouting and screaming, and any kind of violence, should let the kids know how disappointed you are of their behavior, and this alone will remind them of your constant love for them and that now you are hurt by their behavior..If anything else Your disappointment and hurt should, if they have always received love from you, hopefully change their behavior. You do not need to say "I love You" when they are being punished, I think it would work against what you are trying to achieve.
When times are better and all of this is behind you both, always, always let them know they are treasured and loved > in words and in favors without spoiling them.. the moment you hear comments from their mouths that ring of a selfish and greedy nature, back off a little..
Set Rules and abide by them.. Kids follow through when they know there will consequences for their bad actions and that Mom and Dad will be hurt and disappointed in them. But always listen, there are times when even the best of rules need to be broken but just know that Kids are masters at power-games.
In all love your kids, they are Precious gifts. Take care and God Bless.

Answer 6

You are actually stating the question backward. It is because we love our children that we use correction when necessary. Tell them you love them on a daily basis, not just when punishing. I would avoid cliches like "this hurts me more than it hurts you." It is a true statement, but seems kind of irrelevant to those receiving punishment. Also be sure to temper with praise when the expected behavior is given

Answer 7

Yes, you should. Otherwise they could get mixed messages and think they've done something to make you hate them ((which you haven't)). It's also important to tell them that they won't be punished again if their behavior changes. But as far as the love thing goes, don't be like, spanking them and screaming, "I love you, this is for your own good!!!" :P

Answer 8

After I punish my kids(usually a time out) I give them a big hug and tell them how much I love them,but I just can't tolerate that kind of behavior. It helps cut down on pouting.

Answer 9

Yes definately, you should also explain the reason they are being punished. Explain you want them to change this behavior

Answer 10

If I have to correct their behavior with a time out, I will give them the time out, then when it is over, I will call them to me, ask them if they understand why they were in time out, explain it if they don't and then give them a hug and tell them I love them, but they made a bad choice.

I don't spank. Time outs or taking away toys/privileges works the best for my kids. I think it is counter productive to hit them and then tell them you love them. To me that teaches violence is a form of love, and I don't want my kids to learn that.