my son was was assulted by two boys out of a group of 10, the police brought him home, my son wants?

Question

revenge, he is 14 and feels humiliated and scared, what should I do? i dont want to encourage him to fight, but he feels threatened by these boys who live in our area. the boys who punched him are smaller boys(same age) than my son, but always hang round in a large group. the attack was unprovoked, and my son has since told me the boys have made snidey remarks in the past which he has ignored

i cant undestand why some people(steekyjim) finds this funny.... the police got one of the boys, my son didnt 'grass', but a member of the public saw the assult and later pointe the boy out to the police, the police told us the boy was being taken home and it was up to my son to press charges, they said they would ring us the next day, but true to form they didnt

the boys dont go to the same school, and although these boys are known to my son, he doesn't really know them

Answer 1

Don't encourage revenge, that is definately a start!! It is not worth it!! If your son goes out and attacks one of these lads it is likely that the group of friends will take revenge and he may get beaten up worse! next time!! Explain to him that these boys are wrong for what they have done, and that by him retaliating(?) will make him no better than these lads!! it is natural for him to want to get revenge as they have obviously hurt his self-esteem and pride, but give him time to calm down and explain the consequences if he were to get revenge. These lads are low lives with nothing better to do then to provoke/attack others in order to boost their own sense of self esteem/worth as they have nothing else going for themeselves. Explain this to your son! And find out if it is possible for him to avoid them in future!

Answer 2

Hope your son is OK.

Please, please do NOT seek revenge!

I am suprised that the police that brought your son home did not refer you somewhere, and/or did not let you know that you can press charges against the youths and their parents or guardians.

Since you say that the other boys live in the area I'm going to presume that they all go to the same school, and at 14yrs. old that is probably a middle school.

If this incident happened on school grounds or on the way to or from school this should be a suspendable offense for these youths.

Contact school officials. (Whether or not the other youths go to the same school) This will alert the school staff of this gang. Most schools have a policy against bullying and harassment of any sort. Even if the particular incident didn't happen on school grounds your son feels threatened by this gang, and they are all members of the school community.

Also, many schools have police oficers in a special Juvenile Division assigned to cover specific schools. School officials should involve them. Ask to talk with these officers.

Also, many schools have a mediation program that can voluntarily involve both sides in a dispute, if you are interested in that. In many instances this type of program can prevent further incidents.

Wishing you well!

Answer 3

A lot has to do with where you live. Is this at all gang related? Sounds like it may have something to do with that. Biggest problem here is that if he does seek revenge on them what do you think they will do? It will become a cycle of violence that doesn't stop and possibly someone gets killed.
I really don't have a good answer except to say that getting revenge will not solve it. Sure it sounds good and will probably feel good. But again they will come after him and the more it escalates who knows who will get hurt. So I would say check with your police department especially if this may be gang related. See what options they may have. Your son doesn't need to possibly ruin his life over some loser punks who think it is fine to terrorize others for kicks. If possible press charges on those boys. Yes you still have the problem of those two boy's friends coming after him.
Again check with the police and see if they have any help. There may even be other community orginazations in your neighborhood to that can help. It really is a tough time for a teenager now.

Answer 4

This is a serious matter and you must be very worried. An incident like that can destroy a boy's confidence at a very critical age. You have to be very supportive of him and also do everything to keep him safe, even though he wants to take revenge. That would be the wrong thing to do as, rest assured, that gang of ten will have big brothers and older mates.

You should consider bringing charges agaisnt these boys. You should also alert the school to the situation as you may find his work rate falls off slightly over this. They can keep an eye on him and a close check on attendance. Although it happened outside of school, there could be some overspill into the playground and the school are legally obliged to keep children safe from bullying.

It may also mean arranging lifts for him to and from school and clubs and so on for now, till all this blows over and he feels less anxious about it. Meantime, he could take some self-defence classes to restore his self-esteem but I would urge you to dissuade him from seeking revenge as I think it would serve no purpose and may make things worse.

Good luck and I hope someone else gives those little b*****ds their come-uppance!

Answer 5

I would speak to their parents and look into laws that may protect your son. In the mean time you should boost your son's confidence as much as possible so he can handle it better. Make him feel like he's better than the bullies, all bullies are cowards at heart. Another option is for your son to tackle the bullies one at a time by confronting them individually. I don't mean beating them up one at a time, simply getting them alone and saying, 'what's your problem?', will put them off guard. I think bullying is an awful thing and there is no real remedy to it. Why not put your son in for self defence classes. They will be skills to not only defend himself, but to learn about self preservation, which can make him less likely to want revenge.

Answer 6

I agree with the previous writer. If he can learn to defend himself by learning a sport such as boxing, karate etc he will become more confident in himself.

Should he be picked on in the future by dealing out some of what he has received on this occasion the others supporting the bully will run. The type of individual who behaves like these have done are of a cowardly nature or otherwise inadequate.

Answer 7

Bully factor...ugh! File a complaint about his and get your son some kind of counseling or sport to get into to redirect the same anger that has caused these kids to do this to him, and you do not want him to retaliate as this would be feeding into it. Just talk to him and say I know it does not make sense now, but we have to find another way to deal with this other than revenge. They will move on if not more charges can be brought!!!! But talk to police and see if they can talk to your son to, keep him safe and good luck!

Answer 8

This happened to me when I was 15 and I was devastated and humiliated.

I suggest ensuring that he gets a social life outside of this environment with a sporting group or martial arts as it will build his confidence and help him control his responses which can inflame the situation. People do try less to test someone who trains in martial arts because they fear the response even regardless of whether there is one.

Failing that ask the police for advice as I am sure that they will have answers.

Answer 9

I would press charges. No way would I let this go unpunished. When I was young there was two boys who beat me every day on the walk home from school. They'd make me walk ten steps in front of them and for every ten steps they'd beat me up. They even would ring our door bell and tell my mom lies and of course she beleived them so I got beaten again. Trust me the only way to handle these types of kids is with the law. If your son fights back they might decide to press charges.

Answer 10

my son (16) went through something similar, and it happened at his school, while playing fooball, another boy tackled him nastily. so he walked towards himasking him to stop playing so violently, and the boy punched him so violently in the face that he lost consciousness, had two broken teeth, and worse, partial loss of memory. only one violent punch caused all this damage. the boy was excluded from school for a week, and said he hit him because my son was "invading his personal space". in football, talk about personal space. go play golf or tennis tehn. anyway, my son went to hospital, it was the first time ever this was happening to him. he is a strong and athletic boy, but i have brought him teaching him that violence is not a solution and is a no-go as far as i am concerned. he would never hurt anyone, but he was so hurt in his pride and his feeling, he was only thinking about revenge. After taking care of his health, i called the police and pressed charges, and the case is at prosecution level. the other family never even bothered sending a card or calling to say sorry. they are trying to say their son was right to defend himself (but defend against what, someone standing in front of you and talking to you?).
One thing that was incredibly helpful, was the advise and talks he had with the police officers. they were incredibly helpful in explaining to him what to do, how to behave, how to stay out of further trouble and also comfort him in knowing that the matter would be dealt with as an assault (crime). they explained the consequences as well in case he revenged and showed him it was not a way to go.
I, as a mum, also had long talks with him, about the fact that it was better to keep silent and especially not listen to his schoolmates who would push him towards fighting the boy. to keep his head high and know that we were dealing with the case as civilised people, not like animals, and that he will still be very much respected while the other boy was going to have his exclusion for violence on record for all his life , as well as criminal charges against him at a young age. I also promised him I will never drop the charges no matter how long it takes or if we need a lawyer/sollicitor, i will not allow him to be hurt and not do anything. But it would be bad to go down the violence way.

But again, I know it may be difficult, but trust the police, talk to them, they can come and meet your son, it will be a good change, and in this case, it may be easier for him to relate to other men than their own mum, they are teenagers after all.

Good luck, talk it through and give him maximum support.