Am i overreacting or is this truly unfair?

Question

My father was married to my mother for 10 years and left my mother for his current wife. He was never there for me after he married this new woman because she wanted him to have no contact with his "past". She gets mad when i call my father even today. Now her and my father have three children together and their oldest is about to graduate and my father is going to pay for this child to go to college. I had to get pill grants and live off of roman noodles and work a minimium wage job to get through college. His other daughter is going to get her college paid for her. Am i overreacting or is this unfair treatment? She has had "our" father her whole life i had to do with out because of her mother not wanting me in my fathers life.

I have tried to sit down with him and tell him how i feel but he just says your a grown woman now i can't do anything about the past except try to be there more in the future. He still is not being a father to me even after we had this talk. I have four kids and my kids are not allowed to see their grandfather because this woman has told my father all i want is money. All i want is my father and for him to be a grandfather to my kids. Stop ignoring the fact that he has four kids and not just three.

Answer 1

I think this is unfair also, but look at it this way, you have four children, you went to college, earned your way, and got through life without a father figure, you are a strong woman, sure it does hurt when you see what your father didn't do for you, and what he's doing for his others, don't let him see how much this has bothered you, this woman is pretty much nothing but a jealous money hungry B----H who is looking out for noone but her daughters and herself, what you can do is just let your father know about how you feel, and just let him know that you feel like you were neglected and abandoned, while you had to work and earn your own way, she gets help, let him know, and if he says something smart again about you being a grown woman, then say, well shes 18, graduating, isnt 18 considered an adult? tell him about this situation, chances are hes not going to stop paying for her college, but to be truthful you can't let things like this get to you, your father is the problem, not the lady though, she may have stirred the pot, but he handed her the spoon, I suggest you just be the better one and let your father see his grandchildren, dont let them become victims in this situation like you were because of your fathers actions, anyways dont pay any mind to what your step mother says in her own little sneaky ways, blow her off, she is intimidated by you, otherwise why wouldn't she have wanted any of his "past" to have contact with him, stand up and be the better one, good luck I hope this has helped. :)

Answer 2

that is truly unfair. my dad is also like yours, worse. he a multi millionaire and spends money on his kids, new 3rd wife, even waitress like no tomorrow and I'm starving hungry, got health problems and everything. He wont give me no mo. even when I asked him. I got framed and went to court for 7 months facing the prospect of minimum 7 years max 20 in the penitentiary and I asked him for 5G for a lawyer and he said "I wouldn't worry about a lawyer, I'd worry about the 40 holes your going to get in your back. Because when you get to prison all the guys are gonna line up and take it in turns at pinning there favorite playboy poster in your back and fukn' you up the azs." That was the last I heard of him cz it upset me so much.
Anyway, that is cruel what your father is doing and you are not overreacting you will be upset with this for as long as you let it though.

I only get through my pain through listening to and writing music.
There is one song that is a new release, a club song, with the lyrics that go "Might as well get over it(*4) fighters will get over it(repeat). I dont know the name of it.

Don't think you are doing or have done anything wrong. like thinking you are overreacting. you not.

Answer 3

I know what your going through. I helped a good friend go through a similar situation. You have every right to be mad. Your father was pulled out of your life and focused his efforts on his new family, neglecting his old family. Is it unfair, most definitely. Are you over reacting by getting angry and mad, I don't think so. After all, it sounds to me that all you ever wanted was your father to be a part of your life.

Answer 4

Yes that is So unfair but the thing is with your success...you have the last laugh, you did it on your own they did it with it handed to them. You'll respect yourself more later on for this and feel more fulfilled. I know it's tough, been there......BUT you can't let it bring you down because the regrets you will have later will be you spent too much energy focusing on acceptance than actually getting it done!! It's hard and I am sorry he is like that but again HE will not be the reason you are successful it's up to you!! You will be the better person. We can't make someone Love us...but we can Love ourselves! Good Luck and I'm sorry!

Answer 5

You have a right to be angry. However, you cannot change the way a person is.
There will come a time in his life that he will regret how he has lived his life.
Keep sending him pictures of his grandchildren with a letter about how they are doing. Keep it informal, and keep all the feelings out of it. Just the facts Don't ask him to see them, don't accuse him of anything.

Maybe one day soon he will realize what he is missing.

Answer 6

It is unfair. It is unfortunate that your father has allowed this to happen. Unfortunately, this is the way things are. Don't let them get you down. Everything I have done in my life, I have had to slave and reach for. It is a great source of pride for me. It should be for you too. It is unfortunate that your father has attached himself to someone who is heartless. It isn't fair, and you aren't overrecting by saying so. It would be overreacting to do something silly because of it. Let it go and be glad that be happy that you have done so much, despite the fact.

Answer 7

That is completely wrong. A fathers first priority should be his kid then his new wife. I'm sorry you have had to deal. He'll regret this is the long run. I suggest you try moving on. If he doesn't want to see you, there's no reason for you to give him that kind of respect.

Answer 8

u have a right to be hurt, wasn't enough that he left your mom for this woman, but he hurt his first set of kids and did everything for the new wife's children. has every thing to do with the new wife, her wants, whatever she told him to do, he did. your dad needed to stand up to her, and didn't do it happened this way for my daughter also, the new wife made all the decisions, she wore the pants in the family. leaves the one who was treated unfairly hurt, sometimes forever.

Answer 9

From what you say, your reaction is totally justifiable. Clearly his current wife is somewhat insecure after all, your dad left your mum for her. Who's to say he won't do the same again?

I admire your strength and determination in keeping in touch with his dad. He is a very weak man indeed and should be very proud to have a daughter like you. I hope one day he finally "gets it"

Answer 10

It's unfair...but it's your dad's fault. He CHOSE his new wife and family over you. Of course, there is nothing you can do about it now and worrying about it isn't going to help. Just remember, when she drops out of college because she doesn't understand how lucky she is, you will still have your hard-earned degree.