Serious help needed...?

Question

Okay, if i dont get help, im probably going to leave my husband. We have been together for a few years and over time i have grown to absolutely hate his mother. She has no repsect for me. My husband sees it but says there is nothing he can do. She has said and done horrible things over the years that make me hate her. This thing has consumed me and I dont know what to do. I want to stay with my husband but i am tired of dealing with this mess. I really want to develop a stronger relationship wtih God but this overwhelms me to the point where i dont want to pray or anything. its all i think about. I just dont want to hate anymore. It consumes me. I cant sleep, eat right, most importantly enjoy my kids. How do i stop this without ending my marriage? Or should i just go....

Answer 1

Your problem isn't with your mother-in-law. Your problem is with your husband's handling of the relationship. Her behavior would not bother you at all if he was being supportive. In fact, there *IS* something he can do about it. His inaction is what's devastating you.

I suspect at this point, she (MIL) is even *feeding* off your husband's lack of support for you. She's getting away with something... She knows it and you know it.

As a Christian woman, tell your husband exactly what you told us... you are prepared to consider ending the marriage over this. He is supposed to leave his parents and cleave to you. So long as he allows his mother to disrespect you, he hasn't hit the first requirement of a strong, godly marriage.

I *really* want to hear how this goes for you. I have a soft spot for marriages. I was married once and it ended badly. I don't wish that for anybody else. Even if you have to send me a personal e-mail, please find a way to keep me (us) up to date.

Answer 2

I will pray for you. I suggest counselling. Can you move away? It sounds like you are kind of close. Have you given it straight to your husband? Sometimes you need to be direct with your husband. Tell him how you feel and ask if the marriage means anything to him. Let him know you married him and the Bible says that is why a man leaves home is for his wife. Hopefully, this will get your husband to the point of telling his mother to back out.

Answer 3

Have you talked to the mother in law? My suggestion with her would be to have a stern conversation with her on how she's ruining your relationship with her son (note: that may be her goal so don't be suprised if it is) and how you may be leaving him becasue of her. If you have children let her know the issues that she is /will be causing for you family.

Also, I suggest you have a stern discussion your husband. Stress to him that if she doesn't stop she is not allowed to come over anymore and how you are planning to leave.

I would also look to a Pastor or a councelor for some marriage counseling.

Answer 4

Have you told your husband that you are considering leaving if the mother in law issue is not resolved? Perhaps if he was made aware of the seriousness of the situation, he may act.

Do not hate. When you hate, who suffers? The person who is hated or the person who carries the negative feeling around inside her?
Your mother in law sounds like a cow. Why should you do all the work of hating her when she could care less?

Answer 5

You're right, you shouldn't hate. That's very hard to do in a case like this though. Remember that you and your husband are married, not also his family. He needs to take a stand a do something about it. It needs to start with him because his mother doesn't care what you have to say. This is his responsibility. He needs to take care of his wife and know that you are his family first.

Answer 6

The easiest way to deal with this would be to ask your husband to maintain his relationship with his mother but cut off yours. If you don't live with her, stop going to her parties and stop inviting her for yours. If you husband sees it, he will probably agree with your idea of putting a distance between you and his mother. She may spread gossip about you, but ignore that. People who listen to her gossip were not your friends to begin with and you are better off without them. Do let him know that at times, when there are schedule conflicts between your events (and she may just try that), he will have to choose between you and his mother.

If you can, move... it's a bit more drastic, but not as bad as leaving your husband. Remember, you married *him*, not his family. It really isn't fair to him/you to let his mother drive you out.

Answer 7

Just Be Patient, Have Faith & Ignore His Mother.
Focus on Raising Your Children & Ask Help From god from The bottom Of Your heart.

Answer 8

You take your mother in law to God,and let him handle her. In the mean time you stay in love, don't let her see you upset. If she does something you don't like tell her in a soft spoken way, that way your husband will see that you are trying to be the bigger person.And try to do nice things in front of your husband for her. You got to do this in love and mean it.Ask god to order your steps and please don't let the evil one come in and destroy your marriage.

Answer 9

my mom has the same problem. my granny has treated my mom cruely ever since she married my dad. she essentially just lets it go now and she never talks to my granny anymore. she takes the pain and then gets rid of it watching tv. the best thing you can do is find a hobby or something to take your mind off of her. you could also confront your mother-in-law, but i wouldn't suggest it unless you want a relationship with her.

Answer 10

I guess you know already your options. That's the good news. The problem is, that nobody can live your life for you. You are responsible and you can´t blame anybody for giving you advise. It´s hard but you have to decide for yourself what you want. If you made your decision than you can ask people what the best way is to achieve what you want. But it is impossible to ask people what you should decide.