My future Mother-in-Law seems to be an expert at the verbal abuse sneak attack, always sliding cutting remarks against her own daughter into almost every situation. The following is a perfect example. We are at Olive Garden when my fiancee orders a pasta dish, my MIL then leans over and loudly tells the waiter my fiancee will actually have a salad instead as she has been eating "much" lately. I sit there in shock as my MIL has no right to "correct" my fiancee in such an embarassing manner! Then the MIL goes on telling my fiancee when to sit and when to go to the bathroom and how to use her fork during dinner.
Later my fiancee tells me she just puts up with it knowing that her mother must have a control issue and that she tries to appease her to keep the peace.
How do you eternily apease a crazy abusive controling woman when all you want to do is drop kick her out of a window?
2007-01-11 02:57:51 · 6 answers · asked by Wes 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Wow, it is so amazing to know that there are other MIL out there that are really evil other than my future one.
My MIL is, well being nice, a witch, liar, drama queen, lives off her adult sons and the State, selfish, and the list can go on and on.
My MIL is also verbally, emotionally, and mentally abusive also. Since I had tried for like 9 yrs. now tried to become her friend, I realized the past year that it was never going to happen, that I cannot be like her sons and just "let it go", I have now become what she calls me, a *****.
If she says something wrong and offensive, I put her in her place, when she comes over to butter up to my fiance, I ignore her and do something else, so when it comes right down to it, I give her the medicine she deserves and make sure that she knows she will no longer get away with anything when it comes to me.
The other option you both have, let your MIL know how you feel and if she doesn't change nor accept how you both feel, maybe you both need to shut the door on her until she does learn that her attitude and all is not respectful and you both will not tolerate it.
2007-01-11 03:32:22 · answer #1 · answered by !?! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I sympathize with you. She definitely has a major control issue. I have a mother that is very similar, and I made it clear to her when I was about 18 or 19 that I was through putting up with her crap. The longer your fiancee puts up with it, the worse it will get. There is no reason she needs to keep the peace when her mother acts in such an outrageous manner. I repeat, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO APPEASE THIS WOMAN. She needs to learn how to treat people, especially her own family.
If your fiancee will not stand up to her, or if you cannot move far enough away so that she can no longer be a part of your lives, you might as well call off the marriage, because you will live to regret it.
One other option is to lay down the rules yourself to your future mother-in-law, with your fiancee's support. Otherwise, your marriage will be a disaster.
2007-01-11 11:23:25 · answer #2 · answered by Sally G 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thankfully, I do not have this problem. My MIL is the thread holding my marriage (what passes for one anyway) together.
I would just ignore her, and when out in a restaurant, state to the waiter that she is "having problems today". Since most of the wait staff in this country are used to elderly people with various diseases, they will not think twice about it. Maybe after a few times of that, she will catch on.
I have to wonder about your fiancee though. WHY would he take this treatment from his mother as an adult? He needs to stand up to her and quit allowing himself to be treated this way by her.
DONT you start letting her get away with this behavior to you. Who cares if she likes you or not. You are marrying her son, not her.
2007-01-11 11:23:21 · answer #3 · answered by siriusblackpearl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your fiance needs a little counseling, have you had premarital counseling yet?
It would be a great idea, that way you can get the problem out into the open with her, and maybe she will see that this needs to be resolved.
It's going to continue onto you and possible children later if she does not learn to control her actions now. If she cant see that her mother is abusive then maybe a professional can make her see it. She is going to have to stand up for herself, and make her mother respect her.
2007-01-11 11:15:39 · answer #4 · answered by saragiguere 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you marry this girl, you're gonna have to move with her to the other side of the world! And be prepared to sometime tell this woman that she needs to back off.
2007-01-11 11:11:56 · answer #5 · answered by kiwi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may not be able to tolerate it, but seems as if your future wife has no problem with it. If she hasn't spoken up for herself to her mother, then you should stay out of it unless you are asked to step in.
2007-01-11 11:07:08 · answer #6 · answered by Premo Mom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋