I need help coping with my fathers death.?

Question

My father died in a head on wreck on his way to my house in october. I can't seem to get it through my head that he is gone. I didn't cry at the funeral in fact my OCD kicked in and i was at the church 4 hrs before the funeral was to start making sure everything was ok and greet family and friends hold their hands and make sure they were ok. So i haven't dealt with this, i don't cry about it and it makes me feel bad. How do i get it over with? How do i finally greave?

Answer 1

I loved my father dearly also. I can tell you that the loss never goes completely away. I can sit her now and feel him as close to me as if he was here. He made his transition about 10 years ago.

Time does soften all wounds. Try to think of him in the best of memories.

Answer 2

Just know it is ok to cry, it's ok to sit and be silent, its ok to think, its ok to feel. have you tried talking to a friend or close relative? sometimes it helps to just talk... with no interuptions. some people handle things different some are more sensitive than others and that doesnt mean they feel it more than you. its sometimes difficult to face what happened because everyone else around you are falling apart, its great that you want to be their comfort but they should be yours as well. A friend of mine is going through a similar "stage" in her life. it has been a year, and now she is finally feeling... what she feels like she "should" have felt a year ago, everyone is looking at her like whats going on? you should get professional help but they dont realize that it natural for her to react ... any way, any time ... if she didnt or if you didnt then something would be wrong. Just because you are not crying and sitting in the dark doesnt mean you are not greaving. My suggestion is find someone you are comfortable with and just talk, tell him or her how you are feeling and why you think you are feeling that way. ask them to just listen, maybe by hearing yourself speaking you can figure out what is best for you without seeking so much guidence from others. I'm sorry about your loss... I'm sure he is watching over you and your loved ones... keep your head up and good luck!

Answer 3

I know what you are going through. although I didn't loose my father i did loose someone close to me a few days a ago. I can tell you from what I've been through that yes it's going to take a while to sink in. I didn't cry ether at the funeral, but that was because i wanted to look Strong for my little cousins next to me. The only thing i can say is talk with your friends, hang out, look at old photos of your dad, go into rooms he might have gone into. It may bring back memories of him and help you cope. And if you don't cry it doesn't mean your a bad person it just means your strong and you are able to deal with it. It will be a while before you realize that he indeed is gone. I hope everything gets better .

Answer 4

People go through the grieving process in different ways. Usually the steps are: Denial (this isn't happening to me!)

Anger (why is this happening to me?)
Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)
Depression (I don't care anymore)
Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)

Sometimes people go straight through the processes with no problems. Sometimes people start at anger fly straight to depression and then revert back to anger.

I know this sounds annoying but time will make a difference. Eventually your emotions will catch up with you and you will deal with this. If you are in a hurry to deal with this then I suggest a councilor. Just because you see a councilor does not make you crazy or unstable. However when you have been through the tragedy that you have witnessed (which you HAVE been through a tragedy) you need to talk to someone that can help lead you through your grief which will direct you to find your levels of grievance.

Eventually you will:
T = To accept the reality of the loss of your dad
E = Experience the pain of the loss of your dad
A = Adjust to the new environment without your dad
R = Reinvest in the new reality without your dad


The best idea I can give you is to talk to a councilor or a preacher. Good luck.

Answer 5

I'm so sorry. Give yourself some alone, quiet time to grieve, cry, yell, beg, whatever it is that you need to do. Grieving takes time, and the thing is, that it is SO hurtful that it comes out a little at a time. I think you were in shock at the church, and this happens to many people (I was even in shock over my cat). You're not dealing with it fully because you are in denial- which is a very useful state. It only lets you feel so much. There will be ups and down. It's terrible but you have to live through it. In my state, they have Hospice Volunteers who can help you get through this. They even have groups. Maybe you can look in the phone book under "Community Services" and you will find one. Rest assured that everything you are doing is normal. Again, I'm very sorry!

Answer 6

I lost my mum to cancer four years ago next month, I was away on holiday when she finally got to the end, by the time I got home (thank you BA!) on a flight that day I managed to get just a couple of hours with her before she died. she was so dosed up on morphine and spaced out that I struggled for a long time with the fact I felt I did not get a chance to say good bye and tell her how much I cared. I did not really grieve for her properly until nearly a year down the line when I had figured out in my head that she knew how much I loved her without me telling her, and that if there is something after death then she knew what I was going through and how much I loved her, if there is nothing after death then it was like being in a dreamless sleep and she would not know anything. grief is different for everyone and this may not apply to you but in my experience you have to deal with your own conscience (and guilt) about the loved one before you can grieve for them properly (with tears etc). not sure if the fact that he was on his way to yours is making you feel guilty, but if it is remember he chose to come to you on that day for whatever reason and there was nothing you could have done. hope my experience helps if you are feeling the same as I did. time does heal, 4 years on I am finally getting through the days without constantly thinking of her

Answer 7

I am very sorry for your loss. Please seek professional help. Do you or your mother have an EAP (Employee Assistance Program) that can help? Ask in your local library for community help organizations.

Allow yourself to be sad and recognize the steps that you will be going through in the grieving process. Give it the time it needs and don't feel guilty when you are starting to feel better and even happy again. Keep fond memories and live your life the way it would have made your father proud of you.

Answer 8

Everyone grieves differently. I just lost my Aunt to cancer last month. She was like a mother to me. I havent stopped crying since. But there are people who dont cry right away or never cry. You will do it if you have to. Sometimes you just have to wait for the shock to wear off. When my brother passed it took my sister almost 6 months to realize he was really gone to accept it. She cried for weeks after that.
Whatever step you take to grieve, I wish you well and I'm sorry for your loss.

Answer 9

Same thing happened to me when I was 18. Now I'm almost 40 and still not over it. You are caring a guilt stronger than anything in you. Alone can't get over it. You need a close friend or lover to ease you're pain. You are not able to take care of anybody. Take care of yourself and realize that God oversees everything. It can help you if you ask him.

Answer 10

I know exactly how you feel, I lost my Mom a yr ago next month to bone cancer,And its very hard. Things do get better but there is not a day that goes by that i dont think of her. I have to think that shes in a better place,no pain,no worries. I t seems the best thing that helps me is talking about her to different people. You are in my prayers.