A co-worker asked me this:
Her boyfriend's cousin is having a Bridal Shower on Saturday. It was mentioned to her in passing at a Chritmas gathering. The invitations were mailed out in early december and she did not receive one. Her boyfriend is telling her that she is supposed to go. She says that she never got an invitation and no one followed up with her to ask her if she was coming, or to tell her if/where the bride to be is registered. So, if she were to show up, or call to ask about it, she may be inviting herself to the shower.
She is fine with it if she was not invited. She also does not want to invite herself.
I agree with her and told her she would be inviting herself. I believe that if paper invitations were sent out and she did not get one, then she wasn't invited. AND if she were invited, someone would be following up on those who did not RSVP to find out if they are going.
Is the boyfriend right, or are we right?
2007-01-11 02:12:33 · 24 answers · asked by Proud Momma 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Is she wasn't good enough to be sent a paper invitation, then the bride-to-be is not good enough to recive her gift.
Obviouly, some people are greedy and invite casual friends and acquaintances "unnoficially"' just so they can get another gift without following the proper ettiquette.
She should not attend if she has not been asked directly by the bride, bridal party or whomever is hosting the bridal shower.
Hear say is not an acceptable way of inviting to a formal gathering.
Good luck
2007-01-11 03:28:56 · answer #1 · answered by Blunt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
With it being mentioned to her in passing at Christmas, it's unclear if that conversation was meant as a verbal invitation. (It is actually rude to tell people the details of an upcoming event that they are not invited to.)
You are right-- she should not invite herself. She probably would have recieved a real invitation or be given directions and such if she were really invited. If the casual mention at christmas was meant as an invitation, then the misunderstanding is not your freind's fault because it sure sounds like it's a poorly planned event.
2007-01-12 12:08:44 · answer #2 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the boyfriend has more information than you do, then he's not sharing it. HOW exactly does he know she is invited. If he has heard this, then he needs to share it.
Otherwise, no invite, no invitation.
Now, if she is close to her cousin, she could call just to make sure whether she is invited or not. BUT if she doesn't want to 'invite herself' a call to HER AUNT might circumvent this awkward situation. Explain to the Aunt (you know, the mother of the cousin) that she doesn't want to "invite herself" and being NOT invited is perfectly fine, but she doesn't want to insult someone by NOT going when the invite may have been simply lost in the mail. Ask the Aunt to "check the guest list" to see for sure. Of course, this depends on her level of comfort in talking with the aunt, too.
2007-01-11 10:22:32 · answer #3 · answered by Marvinator 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You two are definetly right. If she was invited and the invitation did not come and or was not mailed then they can follow up by calling her. When they ask why did she not RSVP, she can say I did not recieve an invitation and was not sure what was going on.
I hope that I helped you out.
2007-01-11 10:21:00 · answer #4 · answered by Charlotte H 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you and the co-worker. I would not attend a shower if I did not personally receive an invite and if she calls they probably would feel obligated to invite her, but I'd feel acqward going in that situation.
2007-01-11 11:03:33 · answer #5 · answered by strtat2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At the Christmas gathering, it was VERY tacky and tasteless to bring up the shower at all, if they knew she wasn't invited.
I would not go and after the shower, if it is mentioned, I would let them know that there wasn't an invitation in the mailbox,in which thinking to myself, will reflect the ($) gift for the wedding.
Hold your head high and proud. Do NOT go where you are not invited and don't hold a grudge....smile inside.
2007-01-11 10:26:00 · answer #6 · answered by All 4 JR 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say do not go, unless you are formally invited. They may not have sent an invitation because they don't know how serious the relationship is. If you go to the wedding that is another thing because you would be going as his date and I assumed he RSVP'd for 2. Therefore, go in on the gift and make sure you sign the card and put in parenthesis, you are such-n-such girlfriend and you met whenever, this way she will remember.
2007-01-11 10:21:32 · answer #7 · answered by notnew2U 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldnt go. I've been the Girlfriend in this situation before. If she didnt get an invitation mailed to her then I wouldnt go. She can send a gift is she so pleases to the couple for thier shower. Thats still ok to do.
2007-01-11 10:22:25 · answer #8 · answered by Brown Eyed Girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Miss Manners says that the boyfriend is incorrect.
She did not receive an invitation therefore her attendance would be considered rude and ill mannered.
2007-01-11 10:23:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Etiquette is invite by invitation only, and she should not invite herself, nor should she feel obligated to buy a gift, case closed.
2007-01-11 10:26:53 · answer #10 · answered by MiMi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋