2007-01-11 01:47:58 · 13 answers · asked by naughtybaby 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
It's not about how old you are, it's about how mature you are capable of being. That doesn't mean you have to be boring & incapable of having fun, but it does mean you should be able to recognise when you need to take life seriously & when not to take it seriously, and act accordingly! It also means being able to sacrifice your own needs to someone else who is totally dependent on you, something which I think many people are totally unprepared for when they become parents. Bringing up children is hard work but incredibly rewarding, as you watch these amazing tiny people grow & develop under your care & guidance.
I was 21 when I had my first child, although it wasn't planned (if I'd planned it I would have waited a bit longer!!). I really didn't believe I was ready to have a child at all, and I was no longer with the child's father so it was a major thing to have to cope with. But you know what, I adapted pretty quickly, and I think I'm not bad as a mother!!
I think it helped for me that I had got a lot out of my system already; I'd had a few years of crazy partying & doing all sorts of interesting things & meeting interesting people, so by the time I found out I was pregnant I felt like I'd got most of my wild irresponsible behaviour & a good chunk of life experience out of the way!! I had also learnt a lot about myself, which I think is very valuable. The only thing I regret not doing before having kids is going travelling properly. Of course you can go on holiday with kids but it's not quite the same as wandering off around the world with only a backpack & a few friends for company, is it?! But hey, I can always take the kids to interesting places when they're a bit older, and then I can relieve the last bit of my youth when I'm retired!!
I think it would be a good idea to spend a bit more time living together before you have kids, just to make sure you can actually live together without ripping each others heads off, and also to get more of an idea of how you work as a team (after all, you'll have to work well as a team when you're parents!). You've been together quite a long time, so you are obviously commited to each other, but living together is completely different, so give it a bit longer just to get past any "teething problems".
Have a good hard think about whether there's still anything you'd like to do while you're still young & free of serious responsibilities. Having kids does mean you are a bit more restricted in what you can do, so get anything out of your system now that will be difficult when you've got kids to think about. This could be anything from travelling to getting more education or training (it's much easier to study without kids around, believe me! I'm at university, and with two kids it can be quite a struggle at times).
Having kids will definately change you both & change your relationship, so make sure you are prepared for that. Have a chat about how you would like to bring up your kids now, just to make sure there aren't any fundamental points that you disagree on - after you have kids is not the time to find out that one of you believes that smacking children is an effective form of discipline whilst the other considers it child abuse, or that your partner intends to raise your kids as "free spirits" whereas you believe strongly that children need firm boundaries!! Talking about these things now will reduce problems later.
At the end of the day, only you & your fiance can decide if you are really ready for kids. Take a long hard look at your relationship & your life first though, because you can't go back & undo having a child!
2007-01-11 04:40:08 · answer #1 · answered by missdipsy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your not 2 young but you should really think about how much your life will change if you have kids now. I think you should get married and enjoy being married with just the two of you for a while and just enjoy being young!! im 21 as well and although i fell like im old enough/mature enough to have kids theres still lots of other stuff that i want to do first. even if thats just having fun with my mates!! But if you both feel like its what you really want then i say go for it!!
2007-01-11 02:25:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have a fiance, then wait until you are married. I personally think a 21 year old should be out having fun and experiencing life before settling down.
2007-01-11 01:51:58 · answer #3 · answered by KathyS 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No but wait until after the wedding. I've read questions people post about getting pregnant during very long engagemnts (several years long) and it could be a sign that the man isn't really willing to commit if he won't set a date for the wedding. Best of luck.
2007-01-11 01:53:23 · answer #4 · answered by Miriam Z 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm 21 also and I have two children already. I don't believe you are ready by the way you write. So you are not ready. Teenagers only use the "am i 2 young." So no, you are not ready mentally.
2007-01-11 02:04:30 · answer #5 · answered by fourcheeks4 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh dear,your the right age to feel broody, and it would be nice to become a mum, I was at 20. Today is different. Please think things over very carefully, you said you have just bought a flat.
Morgages do go up. Please wait awhile, get some more money into your home first. money troubles can cause splits. so dont hurry. when you do become a mum, its for life, not a few months, What ever you decide, and I hope its good. best wishes.and good luck.
2007-01-11 02:00:45 · answer #6 · answered by welsheather 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As long as you think you are ready, don't listen to other peoples opinions. because they don't know you as well as you and your fiance do!
How does he feel about it? He will be the one who is fathering the baby too!!!!
I was 20 when I became pregnant with my first, and I was engaged... you and your fiance have been together longer than me and my husband were, so you guys are at a time when you would understand each other and everything that has to do with raising a child.
I think if both of you think you are ready, go for it, its the best thing that could ever happen :)
But remember..... its up to BOTH of you.... not just you....
Good luck!
2007-01-11 01:54:09 · answer #7 · answered by mrs. ruspee 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
is your fiance ready for kids as well?
dont rush having kids, all my friends got pregant at 20 to 22 and most of them are single mums, my bf told me last year he is ready to be a dad, and i was so shocked, coke cola came out of my noise, but i didnt wanted to rush, i wanted to wait intill i was ready,
and im starting to feel ready, maybe its coz i dont live with my parents anymore.
i have been with my bf for 6 years, we have been living together for 4 months, and im 25 and he is 28 and we are thinking of starting a family next year,
2007-01-11 02:27:45 · answer #8 · answered by saralouise_uk2002 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im 19 married for nearly 2 years and have 2 kids. if it feels right for you then go for it. even though im too young, i never regret anything. good luck
2007-01-11 02:32:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, have a life of your own before it gets taken over by children, get yourself secure, have some fun, just live for gods sake, just by you asking the question shows that you are not ready, remember, this must be your choice, don't get pregnant just to please your man.
2007-01-11 02:09:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋