my mum has got together with this man ages ago i liked him at first but now i hate him i found out with his ex wife he used to let his mates sleep with her while he watched he makes me feel sick i dont know what to do my mum has been through enough my dad used to beat the living poo out of her and i am scared i just dont want her to get hurt also any tips on finding my real dad
2007-01-11 01:24:30 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Well honestly I think that you finding out about your mom's bf's past was really more than you needed to hear, how did you hear about that? It is sick, but that was his desicions and his past, and this is your mom's relationship, not yours, I'm sorry but the only thing that you can do is just make sure that he doesn't fool around on your mother, do not tell your mom about this information as it probably embaresses her if she knows, or if she didnt and you are the one to tell her, just watch out for her, as for your dad I believe you could look at a phone book or online, or try and go to places that you know he would be more likely to go, does your mom have child support supposed to be coming in? if not then what she should do is report him and they will find him sooner or later, SS# then she could probably have enough information to do a credit check on him online and see what places hes bought from or places hes rented from, even video stores, so you re more likely to find him yourself, good luck I hope that you do have a better year this year, again good luck :)
2007-01-11 02:49:11 · answer #1 · answered by Summer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where did you get the info from. Its not the sort of thing that comes up in general conversation. Your Mum is a big girl and should be able to deal with anything like this.
As for contacting your dad, you dont say the reason why you want to do that. If he had a bad relationship with your mum you may not be doing the right thing by bringing him back into your lives.
I dont know how old you are. You obviously love your mum and dont want her to get hurt. Go out somewhere nutural (a cafe will do) and talk to your mum. Tell her how you feel, but before you accuse him of something be sure your facts are accurate and you have proof.
2007-01-11 17:40:26 · answer #2 · answered by KATE M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly I'd like to know how you found out that this guy did this with his ex-wife? Sometimes grown ups do things that they are not very proud of. It is in his past and if this the only thing bothering you about him enough to make you hate him then you need to sit down and examine yourself. If he is good to your mom and you then you should not judge him on something he did in his past. My kids no nothing about my past and the things I have done in my past I regret. If they did find out that does not reflect who I am today. I would hate to think my kids would hate me for something I did years ago. You said your real dad used to beat the poo out of your mom? Why do you want to find him now? If you find him he might hurt you as well as your mom again so until your older I would leave that one alone.
2007-01-11 09:35:56 · answer #3 · answered by Lucinda M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do his previous sexual liaisons have anything to do with you? You have judged him on his past girlfriends comments about him and obviously he can't be that bad if you liked him to begin with. You've listened to rumours instead of taking him at face value and letting him prove his-self. As for your father..he beat your mum yet you are willing to give him a second chance by trying to find him, yet the new guy has done nothing of the sort (from the info you've provided)and you hate him! I think its yourself you need to concentrate on, you seem really mixed up.
2007-01-11 13:13:39 · answer #4 · answered by Chill_Out 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1) Don't bother to find your real dad - if he used to beat your mum up hee is not worth it.
2) get your mum to go to assertiveness classes - I think this new boyfriend might have spotted someone vulnerable in your mum. Say you want to go but you need someone with you to give you confidence. hopefully she will learn enough to stand up to the guy if he comes out with any funny stuff.
2007-01-12 12:15:28 · answer #5 · answered by D B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you had a serious talk with your mom? if not, start there.. Tell her how you feel.. Sounds like you mom needs counseling..She is in a cycle of choosing the wrong men.. Have you talked to a counselor? If not, maybe you should.. You can't change someone if they don't want to be changed BUT you can learn to deal with how it affects you. Sounds like your mom has been through alot..
Finding your dad..start by asking family members, search his name, do you know his parents(your grandparents). Good luck......
2007-01-11 09:34:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
tel your mum what you heard and tell her that you don't want a repeat performance like you did with your dad, why do you want to find your real dad after what he did to your mum? tell the boyfriend what you heard and tell him if he tries it with your mum that you'll get some male members of your family to come and have a (little) word with him....or if you are old enough....look for a place of your own...i don't think your mum will allow this man to do to her what he did to his ex...just tell her that you are unhappy and do not like her choice in men....
2007-01-11 10:41:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i kinda no what your going on about because my brother hates my mums boyfriend and my dad used to hurt my mum!
just be strong, try taking to her and letting her no how you feel! but remember that she is hurting to! i told my brother the same thing and he just puts up for my mums happiness! sometimes it better to just live with it!
just think your not going to be at home forever but your mum is and I'm sure that you want her to be happy!
good luck with everything my brother goes to an amazing councillor to talk about stuff like that maybe you could try something like that
stay strong
xx xx
2007-01-11 09:37:16 · answer #8 · answered by nik naks 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First does your mom know this thing about him? If not tell her get the ex to come with you if necessary. She does not need this man in her life. You can practically find anyone over the internet. Try intelius, I've used this site b4.
2007-01-11 09:52:18 · answer #9 · answered by momseekinganswers 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hunni try talking to your mum, not so much to tell her what you've found out, she might just think you're trying to cause trouble but to voice your concerns and if that doesnt work ask a relative you're close to to see if you can stay with them for a while and maybe if your mum still wont listen ask this relative about your dad!
babes if you dont ask you wont find out!
good luck hun and i really hope it all works out for you!
xx
2007-01-11 09:38:34 · answer #10 · answered by pinkjessie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋