I know I can't control what another person does, and I am so ashamed of what this person has done...?

Question

How would you handle this??

Someone in my family went from blue to green, made it to his normal duty station, he has failed to conform and was recently caught in a lot of lies by his chain of command....Things he has made up, and I became aware of when I received a call from his C/O......

I am very ashamed and embarrassed by his actions...everything that encompasses his duty honor and integrity is ruined by his own actions....

In other words, he looks like he would rather be seen as a liar, than be said he was scared to go to Iraq...to be honest he is my son in law and since this has come to light, it has greatly affected his place in the family..He is looking at a discharge and I agree he dosen't deserve to wear the uniform..

I love my daughter and she too is a victim, I worry about her due to this, but she loves him..., he isn't trustworthy in my eyes at all !
what would you do?

Thanks for all the help!

He is looking at a discharge...

OK, I expected a few anti war remarks..but Yes I would go if they would allow me too, but due to my age they won't...

I'd rather trade a life well lived to allow someone younger to be able to live thiers...

This is America, we enjoy the freedom here everyday of our life ..It means something...but if they ever do allow ppl over 50 to join I'll be right there first in line, and I won't duck and run.....they say the military wants return...well so do I....being a citizen here all my life means something and thats worth fighting for.......

Everyone has a right to their own opinions, and thats what America so great..

So here is mine!!!....OUR SOLDIERS are HERO"S ......

Bleeding hearts have allowed this to happen...turning the other cheek....

We could have the old "Patton" Army ya know...cowards and crybabies wern't an option....General Patton made our boys into Men! ..Oh and by the way...We won that war.....Let the Military do what needs to be done and chill!!

I don't like death either...the fact remains he had legitimate reasons to get out...he just opted to lie and dishonor himself....enough said!

Answer 1

This is a pretty serious situation, and it will affect him the rest of his life. The discharge he's likely to get will be Other Than Honorable due to misconduct. There are a number of servicemembers who try to buck the system, and the result often is that the system ruins them. The type of discharge is a public record, and stays with you forever. There are stories of former servicemembers with bad discharges pleading to come back on active service, and willing to serve twice their original enlistment, just to get an honorable discharge. The reason is that employers will see that discharge, and it's a red flag that something's wrong with this guy.

The best thing this guy can do is to go straight to his commander, beg forgiveness, and then straighten up and do his duty. He can get out after his enlistment is up, and then his discharge won't be a hindrance to him in later life.

I wish you luck in this -- sometimes having a family member talk to the service person turns him around. I certainly hope it's true in your case.

Answer 2

In light of all the talk about the Lt. in Hawaii that has refused his orders, this is a touchy subject. I have actually done some serious thinking on this issue. I served in the Corps from 94-98. During my time it was reletively peaceful. I was deployed aboard ship for two six months pumps. At the end of our first one, ont the way home, we were rerouted to sit off the coast of China near Taiwan. China was "testing" some new weapons, and we were set to go ashore in Taiwan if things got out of hand. We were to the point of three days in a row getting issued live rounds, and being staged to go ashore. I didn't know what was going to happen. Was I scared? Yes. Was I going to go anyway? Yes.

I have come to the conclusion that there are people out there that want to believe they are truly brave. I think that the think they want to believe that when faced with being in a fight, they will truly be be able to face it and get the job done. But, I think some of these people soon find out they don't have what it takes.

I don't know. Do I think that when you make a commitment such as this you should live up to it? Yes. But, I also believe it is better to have them back out at home rather than freeze up when the rounds start flying, and possibly get someone else killed.

I see a lot of people who have not served talking about "they made the commitment, they should honor it". I see these statements coming from people who have not been faced with the possiblility of going into a warzone and getting shot at.

Again, I am not justifying his actions, and it sounds like he reall went about this in a poor manor. But, maybe he thought he was truly brave and could handle this, and then found out he couldn't.

Like I said, I have done a lot of thinking on this issue. Most of us are never faced with the issue of having to go into battle. We would like to think we would all act in the manner deserving medals and being called courageous. But, when the rounds started flying, how many would end up in the bottom of their fighting hole, scared, shaking, and basically doing nothing?

Answer 3

I have to agree with the folks that say you should ask him what he was thinking/feeling/going thru his head. Of course, you should take everything he says with a grain of salt.

He has lied. This means that he WILL lie. In a case such as that, you have no self respect, no honor, and have no respect for your family. He brough disgrace to himself with his lies, and has no honor. While we don't know why he did this, all that matters is that he did it. I wouldn't trust him any further than I can throw him. He has a lot of growing up to do, and a long way to go to prove himself and honorable.

Answer 4

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Answer 5

Sit him down and ask him why he went thru that program in the first place if he was afraid of getting greased in combat. Maybe he was trying to put on a front for his wife, then reality slapped him in the face and his hidden coward came out. You can't know til you ask.

Answer 6

Some how a Psychological blip occured. He needs Some help, Do not hate him or go off the deep end. A recruiter may be able to set up counciling. It happens, not everyone is brave all the time.

Answer 7

Sorry lady, but your son in law has actually realised that he isn't fighting in Iraq for the freedom of Americans but for the freedom of huge US financial organisations to make a lot of money off the backs of Americas naive youth who are willing to join the army.

Your son in law took an oath to defend the constitution of the US and by refusing to fight in Iraq he is not breaking this oath.

You should be happy that he is not going to Iraq and that the possibility of having to stand over his grave and mourn his death may never come.

There is no legitimate reason for your son in law to die in Iraq. The goal of the war was to ensure that Saddam stopped selling his oil in Euros. That has been completed, and wrongly so. The justifications for the war are all wrong and immoral. If you can't forgive your son in law for acting in a moral manner then you are the one who should be ashamed of yourself. If you want your son in law to contribute to the misery of innocent Iraqis and potentially contribute to the death of innocent Iraqis then again you should be ashamed of yourself. Your son has made a difficult choice but a just and right one. God Bless Him. I only wish there were more like him.

Answer 8

I don't know all of the details of your situation, but my reaction is that having your daughter's husband get killed in Iraq is not the best idea for her family.

I am against the war and for the troops and if this were my son or son-in-law I would support him no matter what.

This is not WW2 and it's not looking good for our soldiers over there. Judge not unless you are willing to go yourself.

Answer 9

what did he think he was getting into? we have it so good in the airforce why would he want to go and ruin it? you'll have to talk to him and try to understand the reasoning. he'll have to earn yours and your dauhters trust back. yea soldeirs die in iraq but not so many as everyone thinks. if i had to go i would go, i may not like it but thats why im in the military. im just glad i joined the Air Force.

Answer 10

What did he do? You haven't even stated what he did.

How old are you? You can be an active troop if you're younger then 36, an to join the reserves you can be as old as 45.