how do you forgive people that don't care what they did to you?

Question

i think that's one of the biggest lessons i have to learn in this life. recently i started learning not to get angry at things anymore because it does me no good. like my mom cheated on my dad and pretty much ruined my life when i was 17(i'm 24 now). i've accepted it because i'm making changes in my life to take care of myself, but i want to forgive her. even if she doesn't ever know. i want to forgive a friend of mine for breaking my heart. and i want to forgive another friend of mine for breaking our friendship a couple of days ago for no reason. none of these people care that they did it to me, but i'm ready to move on. so how do i do it? accepting it isn't my problem, it's forgiving them.

i guess i need to forgive myself too, and tell myself that it's ok that i got hurt and angry in the beginning, but i need to let it go.

ps-i am not christian or anything so i'm not going to go to church and what have you =)

armygirl-i won't even dignify you with a response, you should have just skipped the question.

for all the people that mention god, or leave bible quotes, i'm just skipping your answers. that's not what i'm looking for. i'm looking to take real action, not pray to someone else about it.

justthinkin-since i couldn't reply, i wanted to tell you that i did read your answer, i apologize for that. what i was referring to was people who told me god is the only way to go, or the people who didn't even really try to answer, just cited some quotes. so thank you.

Answer 1

i struggled with this also for many years
and i have written quite a large piece about this in a book i am writing
but i will share a little with you xxx

I forgave myself for allowing myself to be hurt in relationships , I forgave myself for allowing people to affect me with their words , and the list goes on.
To my surprise, after doing so , I found that these people started to either appear differently to me or that they themselves actually changed.
I also have to add that in retrospect , I have learned a lot about myself from those that have hurt me most.
I have learned I am patient
I have learned that I am strong
I have learned so much more from the hurts in my life than anything else
Perhaps as you reflect on and begin to find forgiveness in past hurts , you could consider what each has taught you and made you the wonderful person you are today.

Answer 2

If a person doesn't care about how their actions hurt you, then:

a. I am sorry to hear that - I've been there and it's a horrible feeling that you don't deserve.

b. forgiveness will then just be for your own sanity. The person never needs to know you have forgiven them but you are just allowing yourself to move on.

Just keep reminding yourself that you don't deserve to have been treated that way and the people that did those things to you have their own issues and probably don't even realize how messed up they are.

Move on and be a good person. A little Bible reading and prayer wouldn't hurt - just had to put that in there. God is the Master Forgiver and you could likely learn a lot from His example.

Answer 3

Forgiveness is something that happens at a spiritual level. It is very difficult to forgive if you ignore your spiritual self. Maybe an idea would be to sit in a quiet room and say; "God - if you're out there, whoever you are, please will you help me to forgive?" You don't need to go anywhere or fit into any faith..

But yes, forgiveness is a spiritual thing. It's something that happens in your heart that kinda makes you feel like tomorrow is going to be okay.. because you're okay with the world. It's centers you in a place of peace, regardless if anyone else believes you or not.

To move on? You've taken the first step. You want to forgive. You want to forget, right? You may not forget, but you can tell yourself each time you remember that -hey, I'm not perfect either, so I'm choosing to let that go. And if you did speak out to God - you'll soon find his peace filing you.

Answer 4

I am a Christian...just so you know.

Now I belive that when you forgive someone it is really not for them. When I have forgiven people in the past I know It makes me feel better. Now don't get me wrong it does help the other person...but only if they ask for forgiveness or want it.
When you forgive something that someone has done to you it realeses the negative stuff that would otherwise keep on building up, and you benefit weather or not the other person knows or cares.

Also from my Christian point of view, Gods says in order to BE forgiven we have to FORGIVE. Forgiveness is not a feeling it is an action.

Answer 5

Unforgiveness can leave you hurt and bitter for a very long time. By holding onto your anger it is allowed to fester inside you and do more harm to you than to the people who hurt you in the first place.\

I think a good place to startwould be to say that "what these peopel have done to me is no longer going to hold me back"

It's not easy to work through on your own and so maybe you need to talk to someone about how you feel.

Maybe writing a letter to the people who have hurt you telling them how you feel and that you forgive them is also a good idea. You don't actually have to send it but just putting it down on paper can be very therapeutic.

Also your forgiving them doesn't mean that they have to respond the way your would like, often saying to someone "I forgive you" regardless of how they actually feel about what they did takes a lot of courage, but it can be very liberating.

You say that you really want to forgive them and to REALLY forgive them you have to really want to. If you really mean it you will be free of the past hurts and able to move on.

Answer 6

This is a very tough one even for mature Christians. Letting it go is much easier said then done. Without God / The Holy Spirit in your life I'd say it's impossible but with God all things are possible. See, now that I am saved I can see how God is making all thing work out for my good. And, I can look back at my life before I got saved and see how God wasn't in it and how everything did not work out for my own good. The Bible says that all things will work out for the good for those who love God. (We show God love through obedience.) Before I got saved I didn't love God and therefore, God was under no obligation to cause everything to work out for my good. So, it is much easier now for me to forgive people and events because I know that in the end it will all work out for my good because I'm saved and I love and obey God.

It might also help you to know that when we forgive we are not giving a gift to some one else we are actually giving a gift to ourselves.

I heard a line in a movie once, I believe it was Corina Corina, that went something like.... Half of the people you are mad at don't even know you're mad at them and the other half don't care.

Answer 7

First forgive your anger and the loss of faith and trust in yourself.
Do not fall in the trap of hating yourself for detesting actions in others.
You are allowed to dislike people's actions. People do stupid irresponsible things.
To forgive the person is easy once you realize that it was the action of that person that was wrong. The person can still be a good person even though they acted in a bad way.

Answer 8

the bible says
Luke 6:27-28
'bless those who curse you' to bless means to speak well about them
and Mathew 5:45
'pray for those that hurt you, do good to them..' Tell God to bless those people and make it a habit to do this. you might not feel like it at first but gradually to has a great effect on you. you start to see them in a new light a the wounds of past hurts begin to heal and present offences won't bother you anymore.
It works, try it!

Answer 9

its not about going to church its about seeking God and letting him carry this for you thru Jesus. I have a example i was violated for many years by my step father. I was very broken and shamed and had bad dreams for years and held on to this i confronted him after my mom died and he never said he was sorry till I got saved and let it go. yes it was forgivness in my own heart but the biggest was letting it go and let God...I dont carry it around with me anymore. I dont get mad im not hurt. The Lord has changed my heart and hes the only one that can I remind myself every time revenge in the Lords. not mine and its not mine to hold on to I gave it to God alone time ago

Answer 10

Do it for your own self-happiness. Some might call it "taking the high road" - you will be happier with your own life if you forgive those people their transgressions - its one less burden on YOUR mind, even if they don't care. Its really for your OWN psychological benefit. Try it and see - good luck!