How do you know if its just wedding jitters or something a lot bigger?

Answer 1

honestly, you have to both sit down and talk.
If it is jitters he might feel exactly the same, if not you both need to decide where you go from there.

Answer 2

I had this same problem many years ago, and ended up being married for five years to a horrible alcoholic man who used to abuse me. My best advice would be to LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCTS. Listen to that little "inner voice", no matter how small and quiet it may be. Why exactly are you scared? Is it because you are afraid of being "tied down"? Or is it because something (no matter how small!) just doesn't feel right, doesn't seem like the wedding/engagement you've always dreamed of? If your fears are more like the latter, then you maybe should consider that your "little voice" is telling you that your fiancee is not "the one". This is what happened to me, and it took many years to figure this out and accept it.

Many people "settle for less" to "settle down". I have met a number of people who have been married happily for many years, and they all said something like, they didn't have any doubts that they were marrying the right person. I have also talked to other people who have been married a long time who disagree with me, but I noticed they also argue alot with their spouses.

I once heard someone say something like, "When the honeymoon is all over, and the passion has been worn out and spent, you better wake up in the morning laying next to your best friend."

I know one thing for certain, it is VERY EASY to get married. It is VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY DIFFICULT to get divorced. If you are really uncertain about getting married, you should at least consider prolonging your engagement to make sure of your decision. Don't get married just because you are 3/4 of the way through your wedding plans and don't want to confront your jitters. That's what I did and what a huge mistake I made! No amount of money spent on a wedding will make it worth an unhappy marriage. If I could go back in time, I would tell my younger self this.

Good luck, I hope you make the right decision, and marry your soulmate some day, whoever he is :)

Answer 3

This is a question only you can answer because only you know how you feel. What I can tell you is that 11 years ago I got married. There was so much pressure on me beforehand with my mum booking the recpetion almost as soon as the engagement ring was on my finger. I felt bulldozed and trapped. I loved the man I as marrying and I truly didn't want to be with anyone else but I also felt I was losing a part of who I was and of my life. I didn't even want to take his name becuase I felt that 'Mrs' person wasn't me. After 2 and a half years we got divorced.

Now I am marrying again and I have non of those feelings. You could say it is because I am older and wiser but I think its more that I am more comfortable with who I am and who my partner is.

The first time I married I thought everything would change that the wedding day was somehow a magic wand and that the vows really would make it all right forever. I was wrong. When I went to the regsitrar to arrange my next wedding I didn't expect it to change anything I thought i was too cynical and already sure of my commitment to my partner but surprisingly it has. I feel so sure, so secure, so chosen and he has been so tender towards me since then. I hope you feel like this too. If not then maybe its time to confront your fears a little - I wish i had the first time.

Answer 4

Hi - dont forget that its a MARRIAGE youre having, the wedding is just, effectively, a big party. If you can see yourself with your man, after the wedding day, doing the mundane cr@p like DIY on a Sunday etc and not be freaked, then its just jitters! If you want to talk, PM me. Ive only been married 5 months so its still fresh in my mind how scared I got!!! xx

Answer 5

You are taking a very big step and not taking it lightly which is quite right! If you are happy with your man and have had a genuinly happy relationship so far then it is probably just the change this big step is bringing that is giving you the jitters. (it is a bigger step then changing jobs, moving etc, and those are big too!)
If you are not quite genuinly happy - this you must ask yourself honestly- then well, then it is your heart telling you DON'T or your instinct telling you it doesn't feel right. Don't count on marriage to fix anything, it requires a perfect rock solid foundation!

Answer 6

Are you afraid of the wedding, or afraid of the marriage?

The wedding is just one day. Lots of things could go right, lots of things will go wrong (they always do). If your wedding went terribly, would you still be happy to be living with your husband? Then it's wedding jitters.

If you have serious doubts about living together (maybe not forever, but for a conceivable period of time, say five years, realistically, I don't think anyone can imagine a lifetime, it's so damn long) then it might be something a lot bigger.

Marriage is a funny thing. You may think it's not going to change anything, but it does. If nothing changes in your personal circumstances, society changes towards you. You get TREATED as married, and that's different. I personally love being married, and I never thought I would. I tell people that I got married by accident (we were living together, and married for the sake of my husband's residency in our country, because we wanted to be together.) I thought nothing would change.

However, things did change for us. For the better. Being married means having someone on your team. It means making a family together that is connected to but independent from your families of origin. It's building a life together. It's having a home together, and facing all the problems that life throws at you together. It's being excited and sometimes bored and loved and aggravated and best friends and occasional enemies. It's love as a verb, not as a noun. Sometimes it's hard work.

I've been married for nearly 9 years now. We didn't vow to be together til death do us part, but I can't imagine being apart.

I guess my greatest piece of advice would be... don't enter into it lightly. But if you love your fiance(e), if you are best friends, if you can contemplate being old together, being sick together, being angry at each other and getting over it, and having fun together doing the boring things as well as the exciting things, then you should go for it. It's natural to feel fear, but sometimes risks are worth it.

If you're really uncertain, for example, if you're not attracted to your partner, or if you feel intellectually unstimulated (VERY IMPORTANT), if (s)he can't make you laugh, if you don't feel comfortable in the silences between things... then delay the wedding. It might be awkward with the arrangements, but this is YOUR life. And your fiance(e)s.

Talk to him/her about your concerns. If you feel like you can't, that's a sign to think twice. If you can talk about it, you can work through it together. Maybe you'll be happier as you are. You don't NEED to get married.

You should do it because you're certain that you want to give it a try. That's all anyone can ask for.

The best of luck to you both, I hope you'll be happy however it turns out.

Answer 7

This is something only you can decide. Sorry but who are we to tell you if you do in fact love hime and want to stay with him forever, who are we to tell you to get on with it and stop being silly.
Why not try getting away for a few days on your own to really think about your feelings for said fiance. Try to imagine your life without him and there lies your answer.
Good luck with whatever you decide. Hope it works out for the best, AND if it does turn out to be the wrong thing for you to get married, don't shy away from it thinking that it's too late to cancel everything and everybody will be so upset, it's better done now than later down the line.

Answer 8

im getting married this year,my boyfriend is really looking forward to it,eveyone keeps asking me if im excited as im supposed to be this blushing bride.
Im not excited as things like this dont get me going(so to speak),although im looking forward to our wedding im not as excited as my mum or sister-in-law.
I suppose this will change the closer our wedding gets,my friend asked me if i was ready to get married because i never talk about our wedding,she too asked if i had wedding jitters.
I dont think i have but if i do(i have not been married before so i wouldnt know what jitters feel like)i will get over them.
I also suppose it depends on how long these jiters last,if i was standing at the alter wishing to be somewhere else and doubting myself then i would have to do a runner

Answer 9

If you are having doubts about whether or not you love him, then it is more than jitters!!!
If you are stressing about being cut down to one guy for the rest of your live, then it is just jitters...

Answer 10

If your concern is something specific - and it won't go away then its more than jitters.

If its nothing in particular its probably jitters.

Answer 11

Your heart will tell you. Can you live without him? is he yoursoulmate? If either of these answers are no it is something big otherwise it is normal jitters most likely.