My bf (MrE) and i have been 2gether for nearly 8 months now, n before we got 2gether i we both were different - enjoyed partying and friends were very important. now that we're 2gether, we seem 2do everything 2gether bt a part of me misses the few friends iv grown up with. I sumtyms feel bf wnts to keep me all to himself becos anytime i run into an old frend (MrX) who i used to date AGES ago... MrE freaks out and gets insecure about how i feel about him. I understand that he's upset becos MrX and I have a history, but what MrE doesnt want to accept is that over the years, we'v become so close and only see each other as brother and sister because we've helped each other through all sorts of drama... MrE doesnt even want to make an effort to get to know MrX and try to understand why we are so attached to each other...
Iv asked him 2 try a few times, but lastnite it got out of control - we almost broke up becos i'm not willing to let 1 of my closest frends go. am i being ridiculous?
2007-01-10 19:30:32 · 20 answers · asked by cherry-o 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Well its natural for him to feel threatened, so put yourself in his shoes.
Its good to have him as your X as a friend and all, but draw the line on personel stuff you share with him now.
U are in a relationship wth ur now guy, and u say u are closr thn ever, so look to him for advice and confort.
He is now not only your good frend but companion, andhe just only feels outcasted by the X.
Ur relationship remember is very important with ur now guy, and u wouldnt want him to feel as though u couldnt come to him foranything, so show and tell him that he is very important to you, and that the X is just and X, who u feel nothing for romantically.
Talking in a serious but not yelling or excited tone should have ur now guy listening, and not feeling threatened.
So try not to stress too much about it, ur guy just wouldn't want to lose u, u mean soo much to him. ur not being rediculous.
Just dont put ur guy in a spot where he feels like an outcast compared to the X
2007-01-10 19:42:18 · answer #1 · answered by Purple Haze 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Regardless of the fact he is your boyfriend he has no right to tell you who you can and cant be friends with. He obviously has an issue with insecurity and he needs to address that. Probably the biggest issue here though, is that ultimately he doesnt trust you enough. A relationship will not survive when there is a lack of trust and he needs to realise that and do something about his anxiety and insecurity. If you let him dictate to you who you can be friends with next he will be telling you what you can eat, what you can wear, whether you can make a call to someone. One thing I have always believed is this.. NEVER put a boyfriend or girlfriend above your true best friends. If it ends they are the ones who will be there for you.
2007-01-10 19:38:00 · answer #2 · answered by BluesPoint_98 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you may want to learn to put yourself in his shoes and learn to have sympathy for why your boyfriend is insecure about you being so close to another man. Surely you would react the same as he were the shoe on the other foot. When you have a boyfriend your old boyfriends must take a less important role in your life. If you don't respect his feelings in that manner then let him know so that he can make a decision and be accountable to it throughout your relationship.
2007-01-10 19:39:06 · answer #3 · answered by MeHurdu 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop and really think, If you are questioning the relationship now and its only been 8 mths, then what is it going to be like if you marry this guy?. Can you see yourself day in and day out living with his insecurities and not being able to see your friends and maybe your family?. I'm sorry but I think that maybe you need to make a break from his guy now and start living your life again. Stand your ground with him and don't let him control you.
2007-01-10 19:38:16 · answer #4 · answered by Albion 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I know you feel like brother and sister but you aren't.
So if you just talk on occasion.And are not joined at the hip
then there is not much you can do.
You bf will need to make an effort to accept your friends and family just like you will have to his.
Invite your ex BF now best friend to dinner and tell him to bring his girlfriend.That way after dinner you and his girlfriend can talk and he and your BF can talk.
Maybe get them two tickets to their fave sport.
Explain to your BF you love him not your ex.and if he can't accept it then you will have to make that choice.
And if your BF is trying to cut you off from friends and family then that is a BIG sign of an unhealthy relationship.That normally happens before abuse starts.
so be careful.
2007-01-10 19:38:16 · answer #5 · answered by southernbell_1313 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you are not.Get rid of him now you were so caught up in love that you didn't notice he is controlling you and you've no longer got your friends that makes the control freak happy I see a lot of pain ahead for you with this guy. Been there done that Good luck think about what I said and take notice.
2007-01-10 19:37:46 · answer #6 · answered by deb m 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's wrong for being too controlling. You should be allowed to have as many friends as you want, go where every you want to go, do whatever you want to do, but you should also know your limits. You should know what makes your boyfriend uncomfortable or not, and know when he's just being ridiculous. That being said, your boyfriend should not be controlling because that in the long-run would actually hurt your relationship.
Now, reading your story ... this "close friend" of yours who you dated way back ... in 2007 we call that an EX BOYFRIEND. Do you expect him to be comfortable with the fact that you and your ex boyfriend hang out? Hun, all I'm saying here is know your boundaries. I myself would never hang out with my Ex girlfriend because I would never want to make my current girlfriend uncomfortable in any way. Yes, my ex and I are GREAT friends. We talk online a lot, but we never hang out.
Respect your boyfriend and know your boundaries. Going out with your ex-boyfriend and not expecting your current boyfriend to feel uncomfortable is just plain ignorance. You're right, your boyfriend shouldn't be controlling, but hanging out with an ex all the time is just crossing the line.
Also, my ex girlfriend and I have been through lots of drama as well. We are actually quite close. She has helped me out so much and I have lots of love for her. She is truly a great person. She calls me "love" all the time. I am so thankful to have her there for me. I have also helped her out a lot. Do we hang out? No.
2007-01-10 19:55:01 · answer #7 · answered by Nicky_Nolstorm 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well.. It's natural for some people to be this way, the fact that hes possesive means hes obssessed with you.. to be honest I would rather my companion be a bit jealous and possessive.. than just not care at all.
He needs to be desensetized to this thats all, I was, He might just be afraid because he thinks you will find the other guy a bit more interesting or funny, It's not really worth loosing him over though
2007-01-10 19:45:23 · answer #8 · answered by Llama 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, in a way , you are. He is your X and if this is making your new boyfriend uncomfortable then, you should respect that. Let him get to know him (your X)at his own pace or let go of the X so, that you and your new man can have a healthy relationship.
2007-01-10 19:37:26 · answer #9 · answered by airtightreality 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy really does love you, im kind of the same with my girlfriend, although I know she wouldnt cheat on me it just...doesn't feel right. you are not being rediculous, its him, its in our genes to be protective of our lovers i think :)
ask him to be a little bit more understanding, just tell him that you actually need contact with...other people, if that doesnt work (and it probably wont hit him until later) then, i dont know.
but you are fine its him i promise
2007-01-10 19:36:49 · answer #10 · answered by ThisSongsForYou 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋