The overriding suspicion, of course, is that his mother supports him. He doesn't live with her. He lives in a house that "he" claims he paid cash for. He added that "it's not important where the money came from." Hasn't worked in 4 years. Prior to that time, had a low-paying career and says he stopped working to help out his mother. He is not a full-time caretaker, simply eats dinner out with her several times a week and spends many evenings with her watching rented movies, in addition to talking to her on the phone every day. In other words, it's not a 24/7, or even an 8/7, situation. There appears to be time for him to have a job around his "caretaking" responsibilities. But he doesn't work nevertheless.
If you were thinking about dating somebody like this, wouldn't you want to know where the money is coming from? Is it not important? None of my business? Selfish of me to even consider asking?
2007-01-10 17:44:03 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Yes, it's important because knowing a person's relationship to money and skill with finances is important for deciding whether you want a serious relationship. You could just say something like, "I've noticed that you don't have a job and I wonder how you support yourself... tell me more about that."
And, by the way, I'm kinda worried about a guy who hasn't had a job in 4 years, unless he's on disability or something. Maybe he's not dating potential.
2007-01-10 17:49:07 · answer #1 · answered by drshorty 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Very difficult situation indeed.....I know that I would wonder exactly as you do about this. I don't think it's selfish.....it's matter of determining character. If this man allows his mother to take care of business it would lead me to believe that he has a total lack of respect for her, no gumption, is lazy and would wave a mighty big red flag in my face. Whether it's your business depends on the amount of time you've dated him.....if it's been a year or more then go for it, bite the bullet and ask. If it's casual and a short time period then you might restrain your curiosity. I think at the end of the day however his "it doesn't matter where the money comes from" says it all....but it's so up in the air....the fellow could be independently wealthy from a lottery win a few years back, hard to tell. Go with your gut instinct. Not knowing you, him or the circumstances I'd have to say "run, don't walk away".
2007-01-10 17:52:36 · answer #2 · answered by Justlookin 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Obviously he is hiding something from you when he says "it's not important where the money comes from." So, that is a problem with in itself. I think that may be a true thing that could be bothering you. First of all, there needs to be an openness in a relationship. I would need to be able to know a person well enough, and I think that is a thing to know. You could be patient with him, but I would not get too close until he is able to tell you something like that.
2007-01-10 17:49:30 · answer #3 · answered by souplane21 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
LISTEN...if you've known him for four years, and he's still telling you it's unimportant.......yikes!!!! Run girl, seriously, who cares he's a liar and by the sounds of it, he's a friggin momma's boy who has never been cut off the tit or the apron strings....you can do better, friend or not, some friendships aren't meant to last a lifetime ya know......
and no, not selfish at all, after all, it's your life invested to some degree or another...you should be told the truth and if it can't be done now, dont' think dating this shmuck is gonna bring it outta him... lose lose
2007-01-10 18:00:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It really should not matter unless you are planning to get married. He may have inherited money or received it from a settlement and not want you to know. It is possible he has a lot of money and does not want that to be the basis for your relationship with him. If his mom is supporting him, then that is their problem and not yours. As long as you are splitting costs in the relationship (you both pay for dinners, taking each other out) and you are not constantly paying for everything, then it is not for you to worry about right now.
2007-01-10 17:50:07 · answer #5 · answered by bashnick 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you think it is important, which obviously you do, then ask. Be direct too. It is your business because his answer could determine whether or not you date him, or think he is a scumbag. Selfish? Why waste 3 months trying to figure it out, and it ends up being something sleazy? It would be selfish not to ask!
2007-01-10 17:50:50 · answer #6 · answered by Dave ! 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If I was in your position I would want to know to. I mean, he could be doing some chady stuff and possibly get you involved. I mean, you are not asking for any of his money, but it is natural to be curiouse. Let him know that you do not wish to judge him, you just want to know. If he continues to refuse to answer your question I say you drop it until you sense that there might be something shady going on.
2007-01-10 17:54:26 · answer #7 · answered by pan2fly 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't push the situation. Maybe the money came from a hurtful situation? maybe someone close to him died and left him millions? If you really want to know when he's ready i'm sure he'll tell you.
2007-01-10 17:50:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it is important and your business if you are going to date him. You need to make sure that his means of support are legal. Besides no one wants a jobless man who depends on his mother to take care of him. and you don't want a man who will mooch off you either.
2007-01-10 17:51:53 · answer #9 · answered by go1dn 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to know what he does for a living for your safety, you don't want to be sitting in his house and have the police running up in there w/ guns.
2007-01-10 17:58:00 · answer #10 · answered by Got Curves? 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋