he is addicted to porn. he says he wants to stop looking at it, and i want to help, but whenever i think about him doing it, it hurts me so badly. i dont know how to help him or what to do... any suggestions... people with experience in this?? please help.
2007-01-10 17:05:45 · 24 answers · asked by caseyrae 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
i am not "nagging" him either... he asked me to help him...
2007-01-10 17:17:23 · update #1
That sounds like such a hard situation. I was in a relationship like that. I would always try to ask him not to do it and he would go periods of time without it but then start looking at it again.
I believe the person must have a want to stop. Be there for him, but if it is affecting you and hurting you, he must know that and that must affect him. He needs to understand that loving a person is doing things that he shouldn't in order to not hurt that person.
If you guys can set up a way of less temptation for him, that may help. Such as, if he looks at it on the computer, maybe giving up the use or access of your computer in the house will be a good idea for awhile. If he has magazines or videos getting rid of those may help him. He may feel controlled if you do not give him the option to do it on his own, but you also have to understand that for him to truly commit to you, he has to be in a position to have enough control not to hurt you.
If he cares about your feelings that much and has that much commitment to you, he will find a way to stop, just be there for him.
If time passes, and he does not stop, you may try to help him by suggested talking to a religious leader.
If that does not work, reconsidering your relationship would be the final option. Hypothetically speaking, if he does not ever stop, that could be a red flag for what other things he is willing to compromise in order to protect your feelings.
You two are not married yet, and being engaged is a time of trying to find what will or will not work for a marriage. Be careful and think of what you truly want.
2007-01-10 17:14:17 · answer #1 · answered by souplane21 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How to avoid porn addiction on the Internet
1. Consider installing porn content filtering software( Strongly Recommend NetDog Porn Filter,you can get it from www.netdogsoft.com ) on your computer. it will help to protect you from stumbling into pornography by accident, That's important.
2. Do not try to guess what the address of a Web page is. Many pornographic sites have similar addresses of respectable sites. For example www . whitehouse . com is a porn site. The real address is www. whitehouse . gov
3. Never click on Web site addresses that you receive in an unsolicited email.
4. Do not open attachments that come in email that are unsolicited.
5. Use filtered search engines or reputable directories to find the information you need.
6. Do not search for terms like girls. Think before you enter a search term.
Stick with reputable sites.
If something looks questionable, don't let curiosity get the best of you. Delete it or close the window.
Internet Porn Filter Resource:
http://www.netdogsoft.com
2007-01-11 20:16:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a boyfriend that was addicted to porn once.
I know exactly how you feel, and how much you must be hurting right now.
If you are religious I think you should definitely speak to your pastor or priest about this. Often, they will have had prior experience w/ this.
You can also have him go to sex addicts anonymous. Someone I used to work with has gone to these meetings for years. He was also addicted to porn.
Perhaps you could help him throw out his magazines, movies, and for a while you will probably have to keep him off the computer, or fix the computer so that his account doesn't have access to adult sites.
Let him know that this is an addiction, and that you are there to help.
2007-01-11 01:13:41 · answer #3 · answered by Brittany L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's normal for guys to look at porn a little every now and then, even if they are in a serious relationship. Don't take it personally. He may not be "addicted" but just says he is as an excuse. Tell him he HAS to stop cold turkey and see how he acts to determine if he is actually addicted or if he just likes it.
If he is actually "addicted" in that he seriously cannot function normally without looking at porn on a regular basis, then he should seek professional help.
2007-01-11 01:10:35 · answer #4 · answered by red_necksuck 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Porn can be devastating to a relationship because,it is an addiction. The person is pretending he's the star in that film and wants to imitate the moves and the role playing involved. It could be that he wants you to perform the acts he sees and you may not be willing to do that because of your belief's. Nevertheless, if it is putting a strain on your relationship tell him he needs to seek help immediately! There are support groups available for people with this addiction, and remember it is an addiction!
2007-01-11 01:17:20 · answer #5 · answered by saturn man 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is so scary. Try to convince him to get help from a psychiatrist or psychologist. This addiction is very powerful and it has the potential to tear your relationship apart. In fact, I strongly advise you to not marry this man until it is absolutely certain that he has this under control. It can drag you both down. If he refuses to seek help, you'd better find someone else.
The people who tell you it's okay to look at porn are absolutely wrong. It is addictive. Think about what you would do if you found out that a loved one were addicted to alcohol, drugs, or gambling. Then do the same thing you would do in that situation. Don't listen to people who try to claim that it's not a big deal.
2007-01-11 01:14:48 · answer #6 · answered by drshorty 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you. I'm in the same position. I am not religious by any means but I did tell him it goes against God, it is a sin and he will go to Hell for it. Better yet, leave him because a person that is addicted to porn has no control over their sexual desire and will ultimately cheat on you. He probably already has and will continue to. Have no respect for people of such nature. I am out of the relationship, how about you?
2007-01-11 01:23:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people actually have a disorder where they are obssessed with porn. Sometimes it destroys people's lives. Ridiculous as it may sound, there are men who have a disorder in which they have sex with thousands of random women and can't stop on their own. He may need pyschological help if it is that serious. Evaluate the seriousness of his addiction and decide whether or not he'd need to consult a specialist.
2007-01-11 01:15:13 · answer #8 · answered by Alicia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most every man shaves his carrot regularly. You could give it to him 5 times a week and he's still gonna do it. Don't take it personal until he turns you down.Or spends money on it.
Its self pleasure with no hassles. If he doesn't watch porn, he will just get the JC Penny catalogue, and spank it to the undergarment section.
What if he didn't look at porn and just did the 5 knuckle shuffle. Would his thoughts that get him to orgasm be too pornagraphic for you ?
Please don't marry him. There are still some cool chicks out there who are not insecure about themselves. Tell him good luck from me.
How do you get a woman to stop having sex with you ? Feed her wedding cake.
I'm married with children, 15 years, never cheated or loved another. My wife is the most beautiful flower in the garden.
2007-01-11 01:17:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Most guys are visual, most women are emotional.
Porn is a predominantly male thing because it satisfies our need for something "visual". Some women like it as well but tend to go for more of the "story-line porn" and may even act it out to spice things up at the ranch.
Would it better for him to cut down on it because he has more immediate visual stimulation? At least he is not out on the strasse looking for REAL visual stimulation, right?
2007-01-11 01:12:13 · answer #10 · answered by wolf560 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋