was w/ a guy for almost two years, although it was long distance, he seemed almose perfect, but fell in love even with his flaws. We spoke everyday and night and saw each other as mush as possible. He professed his love for me all the time. But he kept a secret from me that he had a child with a one night stand before we met. This caused him so much pain that made him feel suicidal. He didnt want a child w/ some girl he didnt respect or care for. Now that I helped him come to terms, he met his child & in a matter of weeks he decided to leave me to be with the mother. I helped him sooo much with his suicide situation, I thought it was a mistake, thats what he made me feel and I know he felt that way. But whats worst is he showed no regret and was very cold to me. Doesn't he realize who was there for him, I am the one who told him he should be a part of the childs life, I helped him come to terms with everything and I can't believe he did this to me. How can someone be this way ??
2007-01-10 16:07:11 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You are a rare breed... don't rob someone else of the good that you have to offer, by worry about this bloke. He got what he needed, and regardless of the outcome what he needed was YOU at a VERY important time... you served your purpose, and he served his purpose in your life... To teach you that you can GIVE without receiving. It REALLY sucks, but the truth of the matter is Karma will bite hard next time round for him... try not to let yourself get caught up in it, and be at peace with how great you really played it all out...
it's going to take a great deal of time to get over the coldness he showed, but it will pass. He will remember, and he'll feel like REAL CRAP later on.... trust in that.
It boils down to
1. he wasn't worthy of having you long term.
2. you are worth more than what he had to give.
Most importantly, don't give him the chance to say ANYTHING else bad to you about how much "better his life is now..." or whatever. YOU decide what the last word is going to be and make for damn certain that you make it REALLY hard for him to contact you unless it's for something positive. You're better than that crap.
**btw, this "you wish the person you love the happiest..." is crap. we don't all have that type of energy after having put so much energy and yourself into that person only to be dropped. SCREW THAT... just get yourself in order and decide what you want... it'll probably be best to just cut it off completely on your own terms. Not EVERYONE can be a "shiney happy person" especially when you're the one who feels seriously screwed over...
but like i said, don't let those feelings get TOO comfortable in your heart.
2007-01-10 16:17:40 · answer #1 · answered by TVSPBT 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
people come into each others lives sometimes for a reason, season, or a lifetime. do not view this incident as a regret. you've helped someone during a tough time. there is no coming back from suicide. be proud that you could be there for him. his coldness towards you can be a defense mechanism he put up in order to try and do "what he deems right" even though it may not be what he wants. after all that time he's spent with you, i'm sure not a day goes by that he doesn't think of what you've done for him. you will reap what you've sown because no good deed goes unrewarded. kudo's to you. keep your head up and don't get depressed or feel down. know that you've done a great thing. keep your heart open, prince charming is right around the corner just when you least expect it.
2007-01-10 16:20:01 · answer #2 · answered by sunshyne 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hhhmmm..he was suicidal for what because he didnt want a baby? How is he all of a sudden with her if he didnt want a one night stand or the baby? He may have been unhappy because he wasnt with her the whole time because that doesnt make any sense to me. Are you guys married? Did he have sex with you already? And if so did he use condoms to make sure you didnt get pregnant? How long did it take him to tell you about this secret? He may not have wanted the baby at first, but once he saw him or her it changed his mind. But he can still be with the baby without being with the mother. Thats why his motives for suicide sound questionable. Why didnt he wear a condom for the one night stand? Men kill me with that crap!
2007-01-10 16:15:07 · answer #3 · answered by Wisdom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's okay sweetie. I know it hurts, but you did a good thing. And if parents of a child can be together, it is also a good thing. You have a good heart. I think this man should be thanking his lucky stars for a friend like you. It's unfortunate that he doesn't appreciate it. Don't try to understand how someone can be like that because you would have to think like him to understand. And that would be a waste of the beautiful spirit you obviously are. You give yourself a big hug and hold your chin up. And give yourself a little smile and a wink in the mirror. Cause you deserve it!
2007-01-10 16:14:24 · answer #4 · answered by sweet_wretch 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont feel its bipolar like many are announcing. Bipolar has highs and lows (mania and despair). An episode of mania or despair can final months, however doesnt vary inside mins or hours. Can be an imbalance precipitated by way of hormones and/or vitamin. There are many elements to take into account with a purpose to uncover out what precisely is mistaken. Best factor to do is talk in your surgeon and spot what he/she indicates.
2016-09-03 20:17:32 · answer #5 · answered by pax 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you really truly love someone from the deepest depths of your heart and soul....you wish them the most happiest and healthiest life, that means complete sacrifice. You did that when you wanted him to see his child...you were thinking of his and his child's happiness. You did the right thing. He sacrificed his love for you for the longing and desire to be the father to his child...who isnt responsible for parent's mistakes. He is trying to do the right thing. I hope it works out for him and I hope you understand it might have been God's plan that you did this for him. Bless you...perhaps there is a reward in store for you love.
peace.
2007-01-10 16:15:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know, things happen for a reason. Maybe this isn't what you wanted or thought was best. for you for for him.
But maybe it is best for that child. And maybe its you that made that happen. Yes hard for you, but there might be a day in which that child comes to thank you for giving them their father.
And a person who is so supportive like you are will find another great person im sure. :)
2007-01-10 16:13:58 · answer #7 · answered by sociald 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is not stable to begin with, but can you really fault him for trying to be a good father to his child. Trust me when I say this, you did the best you could for him, that is what love is. He made a choice which was not to your liking, that's what being vulnerable is. He had a past he could not overcome to be with you, that is what being human is. You can do better, that is what reality is. Move on, some good guy awaits you in the future who will return your love.
2007-01-10 16:13:46 · answer #8 · answered by Roll_Tide! 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Good thing you found out the real him. You did what was the right thing to do. He's a jerk so don't waste anymore of your time on him. Close the book on this chapter of your life and move on. You deserve better.
2007-01-10 16:14:46 · answer #9 · answered by tagara 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be so hard on yourself. You did the right thing getting him to have a relationship with his kid. You are obviously a nice person and will meet a guy who deserves you. Hang in there, keep your head up, and work on getting over him so you can move on.
2007-01-10 16:14:05 · answer #10 · answered by mjsmiles365 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋