I really need a funny joke?

Answer 1

There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either died, the other one remaining would try to contact the partner in the other world exactly 30 days after their death. Unfortunately, a few weeks later, the young man died in a car wreck. True to her word, his sweetheart tried to contact him in the spirit world exactly 30 days later. At the seance, she called out, "John, John, this is Martha. Do you hear me?" A ghostly voice answered her, "Yes Martha, this is John. I can hear you." Martha tearfully asked, "Oh John, what is it like where you are?" "It's beautiful. There are azure skies, a soft breeze, sunshine most of the time." "What do you do all day?" asked Martha. "Well, Martha, we get up before sunrise, eat some good breakfast, and there's nothing but making love until noon. After lunch, we nap until two and then make love again until about five. After dinner, we go at it again until we fall asleep about 11 p.m." Martha was somewhat taken aback. "Is that what heaven really is like?" "Heaven? I'm not in heaven, Martha." "Well, then, where are you?" "I'm a rabbit in Arizona."

Answer 2

Two terrorists decide to kill an important government official. At 10 o'clock the next morning, they meet across the street from a building where the president is scheduled to have a meeting, and one of them brings a rocket propelled grenade launcher. Ten o'clock comes and goes, but no president. Then eleven o'clock. Eventually it's noon and the president still hasn't arrived. One terrorist turns to the other and says, "Gee, I hope he's okay."

Answer 3

There's a penguin and his car needs worked on so he takes it to the mechanic. The mechanic tells him that it would be a little while so the penguin looks across the street and sees an ice cream stand. Penguins like icecream so he went over to get a cone.He gets it but the poor little guy has no arms so he gets it all over his beak. The penguin finishes and walks back over to the shop. As he gets there the mechanic walks out to meet the penguin. The mechanic looks back at the car then looks at the penguin and says, "It looks like you blew a seal". The penguin looks at him and says, "no, it's just icecream".

Answer 4

In the girls bathroom, there was a magic mirror that if you told the truth you would get a million dollars, and if you told a lie, you would get sucked in the mirror for all eternity.

One day, a burnette came in and said my name is Sally Parker. she got a milloin dollars and walked out. Then a red head came in and said i have a boyfriend and got a milloin dollars and walked out. a blonde walked in nd said mmmmm, i think..... and got sucked in for all eternity.




A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he can't drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off.



The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again. He is stopped by the same police officer who says, "Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo."



The man replies "I did. Today I'm taking them to the movies."

Answer 5

two college students woke up too late for partying too hard the other night. they realized that they have mid test that they rushed to the lecture hall asap. by the time they get there, they only have 15 minutes left for the test. they beg the professor to let them take the test and extend time, giving him the reasons that they were late was because of flat tyre. the professor agreed and sent them with to different rooms for the test. they unfolded the question paper and it read:
1) (5 points), explain the trigonometri method.
2) (95 points), which tyre was it?

Answer 6

A bear was taking a crap in the woods when a rabbit hopped by. The bear making casual conversation asked the rabbit
"Hey rabbit, do you ever have a problem with poo getting stuck in your fur?"

The rabbit replied, "no I don't think I've ever had that problem"

The bear then grabbed the rabbit and wiped his butt with him

Answer 7

Everyday at the office the same male employee goes up to the same, attractive female employee stands very close to her takes a big sniff and tells her how good her hair smells. After weeks of this the female employee has enough and goes to human resources and files a sexual harassment complaint against him. The human resource manager confused asked how is his smelling her hair sexual harassment she replies.......because he is a midget.

Answer 8

A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink.after few more he needs to go to the can.he doesn't want anyone to steal his drink
so he puts a sign saying"i spat in this beer do not drink"after few
minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying"so did i."

Answer 9

What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?


On is made of plastic, and isn’t safe for your children to play with,

and the other holds groceries.

Answer 10

A rabbit and a bear hated each other, and one day ,they both found a magic genie.He said he that they both get 3 wishes each.The bear wished that all bears in the forest will turn to girls,and the rabbit wished for a car.The bear wished for all the bears in America to turn to girls,and the rabbit wished for gas.The bear wished for all the bears in the world to turn into girls,and the rabbit wished that the bear turned gay,then he rode away in his car.