How do I deal with a family member that talks behind my back?

Question

I have a boyfriend and he lives with one of my mom's best friends of 24 years and her son (I met him through the son).Both of them are like family to me. My bf and I fight a lot. Anyway, my mom comes back to me and tells me that her friend talks about me to her(my mom) and says things like "I'm goin to have talk to (my name) bc she did this and that"as if I AM the problem in the relationship. I never hear that she talked to HIM to see what he did or said wrong to me. So I can't figure out if he's running his mouth to her or she's eavesdropping(sp?) and just makes up a situation in her head that I'm this horrible *****. My question is how can I confront and tell her in a nice way to mind her own damn business?However If I do then she'll know that my mom told me the things she has been saying and it kind of makes my mom look like a snitch right lol.Idk why I think that she is jealous of me for some odd reason she is always correcting me or just plain finding fault w/ me out of nowhere

Answer 1

life is to short to waste on this kind of mess

Answer 2

Wow, sounds like chaos to me.

I think that it is bad to talk bad about someone when they are not there. Yes, it is talking behind their backs. But, what your mom did was, (you're not going to like this), she did snitch....anotherwards, it is called gossiping. If the conversation was between them two, she should have not said anything. If your mom's best friend is saying things about you, then where else is she getting all the information from.....she is getting it from your boyfriend!

So what needs to be done here, is whenever you and your boyfriend have a fight, tell him to keep yours and his business to himself. If you are having these cat fights in her house, then she does have a right to say something about that. She has the right to go to you and him and tell you that your behavior is unacceptable in this house. She has the right to tell you two to leave when you two are fighting. She has the right to do anything because it is her house.

She can't mind her own business if this is happening in her house! If she hears what is going on in her house, it is her business already.

If you are having a problem with your mom's best friend, then you shouldn't be around her, anotherwards, don't go to your boyfriends, meet him somewhere else. There is no use in confronting her, because it is her house. If you don't want her in your business, then stop the fighting and grow up! Or stay away from her house. Or, your boyfriend can move out so he can have his own privacy. I hope you are not planning to marry this guy....if you are both fighting like this. That wouldn't be a good marriage.

Answer 3

I would get her one on one (take her out to lunch, drinks, somewhere) to let her know you appreciate her being there for you and your BF, and letting him live with her. Tell her that you really care about him and that you hope your relationship doesn't cause her any problems. I know you don't want to kiss her a** but bear with me.
I have a similar problem with my BF and a couple of his friends. When we fight they would catch wind of it and it would make me feel like they think I am a huge ***** and I alternated between being angry at myself and angry at them. The reality of it is that our relationship is between him and me. And yes we are going to fight. His friends shouldn't judge me, they fight with their GFs too.
As long as you are respectful of this woman there is no reason for her to have any sort of talk with you. If you show her how you appreciate her for being your Mom's best friend and letting your BF live in her house you can also show her a boundary line she shouldn't cross by messing in your relationship.

Answer 4

sounds like a soap opera!
try to stay away from her, but when you do have to be around her say something like " I heard that you were seen with so & so doin" whatever" or " I was told in your youth that you did ________ (just fill in something)
this will take her mind off you and when you leave she will still be wonderin' who told that to you.

Answer 5

One word to bring all this to a conclusion = CONFRONTATION.

If you want this to end, wait until everyone is in the room together and bring it up.

Good luck with this.

Answer 6

Ignore it...If she comes to you to tell you how you are suppose to be, then tell her to bug off...Then she will not know your mama told you what she said....