How do I keep them from killing each other during the wedding?

Question

I do not like my mother. My family says she should be allowed to witness her eldest get married. I was a daddys girl but he has passed. He was engaged to a wonderful woman when he died and I have become quite fond of her. She is my only connection to my lost dad. My mother was cruel to this woman at the time of my dads passing and will never be forgivin. They will both be present at my wedding. How can I prevent a blowout without causing one?

Answer 1

I'm sorry for your loss. I truly understand.

But being a "daddy's girl" doesn't warrant you not liking your mother. There has to be other reasons.
But the fact that she treated your father's future wife as you say, I would venture there is more.

If you are worried about your mother's behavior, tell her you will let her come to your wedding providing she behaves herself. If she can't give you her word, you can get married without her there just as well.

But even is she promises, get a couple of your ushers & really good friends together & tell them of your concerns. I know you hate to have 'bouncers' at your wedding, but by alerting these watchers, they will be able to head off any problems before they get out of hand.
And you will be able to relax and enjoy your wedding without worrying.

Ps. Tell your clergy about this as well.

Answer 2

Yikes! That's a toughie. The obvious answer is to keep them separated. Perhaps honor your biological mom by having her at the head table with you-it sounds like that would be right up her alley, and the step-mom would probably understand not being invited to do so.

If your other relatives are so set on her being there, then ask them to help keep her diverted during the wedding & reception. You're going to be too busy to worry about that.

Can you talk to your mother before the wedding and tell her that she's been included because it's such a special day, and you felt she should be there, but to please honor you in return by avoiding the step-mom?

I hope they manage to stay away from each other on your special day. No bride should have to worry about family members fighting.

Maybe there's a way to be prepared for the worst-case scenario, however, because you know it could happen no matter how you try to avoid it. You could sort of "assign" each of them to a different family member (without them knowing, of course) or other guest who would intervene if they noticed them getting involved.

Congratulations on your wedding!

Answer 3

Try and find someone to occupy each and sort of "assign" this person to your mother and the other lady. Maybe a close family friend, or a sibling, etc. Ask them nicely and even buy them dinner and explain that you would like them to sort of "babysit" during the ceremony and reception. You will be very busy during both, and you won't have time to occupy them at all times. If either of them starts a fight with the other, remember that you have every right to ask both of them to leave, because it is your wedding. Remind them of this, also, it is your day, and no one should take the spotlight off of you!

Answer 4

I agree with this:
Warn them both individually in advance that other will be there. While doing so, remind them that it is your big day and they should both be mature adults and put their differences aside for you. And, obviously, try to avoid seating them near each other during the ceremony and dinner/rehearsal/whatever. Good luck!



But I would also tell a little white lie and tell em an undercover cop has been hired and if either of them causes a disturbance they will be removed and charged.
GL!!!

Answer 5

It sounds like a lot of tension there, and also, some immaturity on your mothers behalf. In any case, if you are close to your dad's fiance' tell her how you are feeling, if she is closer to you, she will understand and do WHATEVER it takes to avoid confrontation on your day. If you ARE ABLE, also talk to your mother about it. It also helps to make sure they are not seated near one another at the ceremony or reception, and it's always nice to have someone who is a great negotiator, be in charge of "having your back" or keeping an eye out so that they can diffuse a situation if it occurs. good luck

Answer 6

First off congrats!!!, second off, have the following items ready and in close proximity to the mother, easy action blow dart, handkerchief, mock doctor, steps, if she starts to act up, blow the dart in her neck or wrist, so it can go to a direct vain, and wait about 5 secs., then say she fainted, have the doctor say shes fine, put the handkerchief over the dart and quickly pull out and discard it, then throw her sorry @$$ out the back door and she will regain conciseness in about and hour. Method #2, warn her that you have security ready to take her out, and make the other lady feel special, really make sure you lay your rules down, and tell her its a privilege for her to come, your mother of course, have a wonderful wedding. and I am serious about the dart, I've heard of its use often.

Answer 7

Give them both a job. That helped with my parents. (Boy, was I terrified...)

Do your best to set boundries with your mom before hand, and make it clear to all involved that any selfish behavior on their part will result in their being asked to leave and they will ruin your day and you will have bad memories of your wedding (Blah, blah )

Then give someone else the job of keeping an eye on them so that you don't have to worry about it on your big day.

Good luck, and congrats on your wedding!

Answer 8

SInce your family feels she should be at the wedding, enlist some of them to see that she behaves herself. And be sure to talk to your stepmother so that she knows that there may be a situation and can take steps to avoid contact. Your job should be only to say "I do" and go on to enjoy your honeymoon. Congratulations to you and your soon to be spouse.

Answer 9

I like molly's answer.

you just need to let both of them know that you wont tolerate anything ruining your big day.

Also, organise with a couple of people to make sure they stay away from each other - and that they need to step in if they see any trouble brewing. This my ba a good job for one or two of your siblings to share.

Answer 10

Warn them both individually in advance that other will be there. While doing so, remind them that it is your big day and they should both be mature adults and put their differences aside for you. And, obviously, try to avoid seating them near each other during the ceremony and dinner/rehearsal/whatever. Good luck!