You are on the golf course having the worse game of your life. Can you write an amusing paragraph or 2 or more

Question

that includes these phrases?
1. No, really....WHAT's your handicap?!
2. I did NOT get a 10...it was a 9....sheesh.
3. Has anyone seen my 7 iron?
4. Please...continue talking....I'm only trying to concentrate!!!
5. If he tells that story of his hole-in-one ONE MORE TIME.....blah,blah,blah.
6. ♫ It's whiskey sour time,da da da daa dada♫

Answer 1

Glenn is a very good friend which is strange, as he and I are diametrically opposites. You see he is a black cab driver, in fact he is white but that's what we call London Cabs or to be more precise, Hackney Cabs, and I was always taught in my early training days at police college, that they were the lowest of the low. However, he has a heart of gold.
We arrived at the golf course at the usual time, 8.30am and decided on the Upper Course. It's quite hilly, which causes him to lose his breath and also as he is an exceptionally long hitter, he usually has a blow-out on a couple of holes which gives me a chance. We both play off a handicap of five.
'Now Glenn' I said to him as I mounted the first tee 'no speech play, no throwing clubs and watch the bad language, OK'. 'Don't worry Pad' he answered with a knowing smile on his face 'I am right on form and fancy a sub-par round today. You're in trouble my son'.
A couple of practice swings later and I was about to tee off when much to my annoyance, Glenn was having a conversation with another golfer. He was doing his amateur 'professional' lesson which he is inclined to do. 'No, really.....' he said to the other fellow, 'you're stance is all wrong. What's your handicap?'. I watched as the stranger bowed his head and muttered '28'. Glenn had managed to spoil the others game before he had taken even his first stroke.
'Please.....continue talking' I scolded them 'I'm only trying to concentrate!!!'. 'Get on with it' Glenn retorted 'the green is clear'. I hit a straight shot, right up the middle, about two hundred and forty yards and beamed a smile towards Glenn. 'Come on' he joked 'there are no cameras on you'.
He then began to have about twenty practice swings which he knows only too well that it gets my goat up, but as the day was turning into a beautiful sunny and warm one, I said nothing. As usual, he hit a slight slice over to the trees on the right, and about 310 yards. 'Don't worry' he said 'I am not going to get excited'.
A five iron to the green gave me a putt for a birdie whilst Glenn once again sliced to the right of the green. He made a fine chip and I gave him the putt. I rolled my ball up but it lipped out. Fours each for a halved hole.
On the next tee, a par three, we had to wait for the four ball who were waiting there. Once again, Glenn went into full flow. I thought to myself 'If he tells that story of his hole-in-one one more time I am going to tell them about the fifteen he had on the eight two days ago'. After all, the ace was the biggest load of old rubbish I had ever seen on a golf course. It was about six months ago now, and he had thinned a shot off the tee on a par three, topped it down the fairway, through a bunker which luckily for him slowed the ball down, ran across the green as if it was going to run through, struck the pin, jumped about three feet into the air, flopped down and straight into the hole.
'It's not how' Glenn had boasted as he danced around on the tee, 'It's how many'. He was right you know, scorecards do not have diagrams on them, merely score numbers. I had to give him that, he got an ace whilst I have never had one in my thirty-five years golfing.
We continued the game with Glenn holding his temper and me holding him to all square. On the dogleg sixth, I pulled my shot into the trees whilst he hit a brilliant shot, clear over the trees with a beautiful draw which took him around the corner towards the green. I took a drop and got back into play with a masterful five iron. Straight to the heart of the green. Glenn had no more than ninety yards to the pin, but my luck was in. Not only did he fluff his chip, but he had a double-hit. He eventually made it in four. A look on his face showed that he was simmering, not quite yet up to the boil.
We continued after he made his putt and I missed mine. Still all square. The seventh was uneventful but when he hit a disasterous hook on the long eight, I knew that I was going to be in front by the time we got to the tea bar beside the eight green.
Glenn had to chip out of the trees on the left, over done it and put himself in all sorts of trouble. Two more shots and he was level with me. I hit a beautiful three wood to the apron of the green whilst this time, he sliced it onto the lower course fourteenth fairway.
I saw him throw one of his clubs and his temper was once again up in the clouds somewhere. A chip and a putt for a birdie put me one up. Glenn was still struggling and as was his wont, he insisted on playing the hole out in order to keep a score. As we made our way to the tea-bar, I casually said to him 'A big ten, eh'. In actual fact I had no idea whatsoever what his true score was but I was going to wind him up even tighter than he already was. The gist of his reply, ommitting the expletives, was 'I did not get a ten..it was a nine....sheesh....some people can't even blinkingwell count'. From that moment on I knew I had him.
After a smoke and cup of tea we made our way to the ninth tee. It is a lay-up and we both usually play a seven iron.
I was just about to hit off when I heard another string of choice swear words 'Has anyone seen my seven iron?' he shouted back to the three ball following us. In actual fact we had to stand aside and let them through whilst Glenn made his way back down the other course fairway where he found his club. It was the one he had thrown.
Needless to say, but the game went completely downhill from that point onward. On the tenth tee, and I swear this is true, after he skied his wedge teeshot to the par three, he actually used his wedge as an axe and chopped the wooden tee marker in half with it. I began to walk away and said 'No, you've gone over the top this time Glenn, that's it, I'm off'. I have never heard anyone being so apologetic before or since in my life. 'I am really sorry Pad. I'll never do anything like that again, please.........'. I looked around and there he was with the two pieces of the marker, trying to stick them together with spit.
What could I say................... We just played a casual stroll for the remainder and by the time we reached the eighteenth fairway, Glenn was back to his old self. He was even singing 'It's whiskey sour time, da, da, daa, dada'. He was already looking forward to the next game tomorrow.
Live in hope, that's our Glenn. A man who is capable of beating everyone on the course, including the professionals, if he could just hold that temper of his........................

Answer 2

1

Answer 3

We were just hitting off the 8th tee in the middle of the worst game of golf of my entire life when suddenly I realized I was missing a club. Hastily I checked my bag and asked, "Has anyone seen my 7 iron?"

Ralph, who was in his backswing on the tee immediately stopped and turned to me and said, "Please, continue talking... I'm only trying to concentrate."

Bob, who was hard of hearing thought Ralph was encouraging him to tell the story about his hole-in-one and immediately launched into the excruciating details. Which prompted Ralph to say, "If he tells that story of his hole-in-one ONE MORE TIME...blah, blah, blah."

Well, just at that minute Jim walked back from relieving himself and heard Bob saying, "7th hole about 10..." and thought Bob was saying that he(Jim) had gotten a higher score on the last hole and immediately said, "I did NOT get a 10... it was a 9... sheesh."

Answer 4

Why not?