How I feel?

Question

I am 22 years old. I work all the time at a fast food job that i totally hate. I'm trying to go to school but it is so expensive. My mother killed herself when i was 18 and before then I had a very abusive and neglectful childhood. I constantly dream about it. I don't feel like gettting up in the morning. I drink at least 8 shots of vodka a night. I was able to stop smoking but in turn caused me to gain weight. I don't have the money to go see a doctor. I can't even hardley pay bills and pay for school. I feel really depressed all the time. My apartment is a mess because I don't want to clean it and don't feel like it. I have thought about what my mom did. Maybe she had the right idea. I can't help but thinking like that. I feel like just sleeping all the time but I can't because my dreams are horrible. I flip out when people touch me. I constantly hear her voice and just really want to feel better, but I"m so alone and don't know what to do.. please any kind of advice would be good.

Please don't be rude in the answers i do not have the strength to deal with it. I appericiate all who give advice.

I don't think i could ever stop drinking. I say its the last time but it never is. Its better than SI.

One more thing. I do not like the phone and am sitting at the computer reading the answers. Thank you all for the answers I would appericiate if anyone is on yahoo messenger to give me an IM if they have time. I just want someone to talk to.

Answer 1

I think you need to get checked out. Always hang with friends and make sure that you treat yourself well. I hope you get all the help you need.

Answer 2

HI,
I am also 22 years old and it is a hard age. I just recently got diagnosed bipolar so I never really feel stable so that is really hard but I try to think that there is always going to be someone worse off than myself so in many ways I am blessed just like you are. I think some advice that you should take is to see a mental health professional/psychiatrist and you can see these for free or at a very low price at mental health clinics. They should have one in your area (if not call one that is regular priced and tell them your situation and more than likely they will give you a discount). This is something bigger than yourself and that is okay, but you just need help from other people to feel better. I also know what it is like to like the alcohol. With any mental illness it is very easy to let alcohol be a self medication....meaning that you are using it to help treat your mental health which is not good. In the end, it does not work and makes you worse. The day after I was to drink alcohol I would feel worse every time so I just stopped drinking alcohol all together. But please just get help.....your life is far too important to take.

Answer 3

It sounds as though you would benefit from counseling. Depending on your location and where your are going to school, counseling might even be free. Some schools have free or low cost counseling for students. Also, some communities have "free clinics" for the working poor.... You might want to look into either of these options.

Having a first degree relative in particular a parent commit suicide definately puts you at risk and from what you have written I can't help but wonder if you have had some sort of abuse in your past [my dreams are horrible. I flip out when people touch me].

You are doing the right thing by reaching out for help, I just think you need more than what Yahoo answers can provide.... If I knew your location I could be more specific in resources... Like I said, many are free or very low cost depending on where you live....

The following site looks like it might provide some help and support.... although I still think seeing someone in person would be your best option.


http://www.afsp.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=home.viewPage&page_id=FED822A2-D88D-4DBD-6E1B55D56C229A75

Answer 4

I really feel for you. I am so sorry you had to endure what you did in your childhood.

I'd like to offer this; first, stop drinking the vodka and thinking that your mother had the right idea, she certainly did not, second, I would like you to contact someone regarding your depression (a counselor for talk therapy), third, if you continue to have suicidal thoughts please contact the suicide hot line at once.

You are a valuable person and had some tough breaks in life. There are a lot of people in the same boat that over came their past and moved on and made themselves a better life. I can say I am one of those people. When I needed help, I reached out to a great counselor who helped me to get through the nightmare. I also have a very strong relationship with God who helped me to survive and make something of my life.

Please feel free to contact me if you would like to email further.

Answer 5

Call a Crisis Center.

They may be able to fix you up with a therapist for a reduced rate.

Many therapists will work on a sliding scale.

Also, in some communities, there are counseling centers that are completely free to low-income people.

Since you are going to school, you may also want to check out your school's counseling office.

Hang in there. Life is worth it. You've been through a lot, but I think will help, you can see that there is so much more to life that hurt.

The best to you.

Answer 6

That's a rough place you are in, and I truly can relate.
First of all, try going outside and getting a little sunshine. Be sure to open all of the curtains and blinds in your apartment so that you can get all of the sunlight your home will allow you. Also, it may help to build up the motivation to go for a walk, or even to dance around your apartment when you aren't feeling your lowest. Exercise and sunlight can improve your body's ability to produce the chemicals that make you feel happy. When you are depressed it is easier to want to lay around in the dark and never crawl out of bed and linger on negative thoughts.
But if you can start little by little to think more positively, and do little things to help your body to help your MIND feel more positive, I promise it will go a long way.
If you want to feel better, you have to take the first steps. But after that it will be easier and easier. Trust me. No pill in the world will do you half as well as you will do for yourself. Good luck, take care!

Answer 7

You have inherited depression from your mother.You do not have to choose the same path as she did.
There are groups on line for people who are suicidal and want to talk to others in their situation.
Many medical places will see you free of cost or at a much lower price.
Places like Christan family services, Jewish family services see everyone regardless of religion and at reduced prices need be.
They may also help you out with food and seeking other sources of help.
i know how you feel. It is frustrating and feels hopeless.
Good luck.
I wish you the best.

Answer 8

wow, thats a very tough situation your in. I am terribly sorry about what happened in your younger years. If you hate your job, clean your self up and go apply for a new,better paying job. If you dont have money to go see a doctor, come to Canada. We have free health care here. But anyways. If you feel depressed do something that makes you feel better and if you say theres nothing cause theres always something that makes us feel better like for instance i draw and listen to dance music(dance music puts me in a better mood) and i just go for a walk and think everything out.
please, i dont know you. but dont do what your Mother did, i know its hard not to think about doing that but think of other things, like stupid things that can be quite funny, like Sponge Bob or Bevis and Butthead or SOUTH PARK. that stuff should make you laugh. If you need someone to tlak to add [e-mail] or send me a message thing on here.

good luck with everything and i hope you feel better :)

Answer 9

hey sweetie im so sorry keep working stay focused on school i know you can get help go to mental health at the health department i have a friend going threw the same problem she lost both her parents hang out with family and friends go to the health department at to talk to some one for help most places will help you i wish you luck you will be in my prayers

Answer 10

There are mental health clinics in your town. Look their number up and get an appointment. They will charge you based on ability to pay. Please do this ASAP. In the meanntime, call 911 and tell them you are suicidal and they will come get you and take you to the hospital.