My husband is in the military. Originally we were going to have our wedding in Dec. of 2003. He received military orders and he was told that no one could take vacation during that month. So, after discussing it, he and I decided to get married in a civil ceremony and have our dream wedding later. We have been married over three years now and are starting to plan the wedding. There are some problems though. We have had a rough time with my SIL's and I made the MISTAKE of telling my Mom once. She said that she does not care if she ever meets his family now. What a disaster! I know I never should have told her anything, but I had NO idea she would react that way! Our families have never met, because we move alot with the military. My Mom constantly tells me that she wishes my husband and I would take the money for the wedding(which we are paying for entirely) and use it to buy a house. I feel so discouraged and wonder if we should even have the wedding? HELP! Proud Army Wife
2007-01-10 14:08:55 · 16 answers · asked by Dolphin73 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Yep! Your wedding is your big day! Tell mom to suck it up and not ruin the biggest day of your life!
2007-01-10 14:12:38 · answer #1 · answered by The Notorious Doctor Zoom Zoom 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I understand the desire to have the in-laws like each other. I'm very lucky that my mom and my husband get along well.
On the one hand, I understand where you're coming from. You want a nice big wedding to celebrate.... On the other hand, I also see what your mom sees. I've been married for 7 years, and I'm glad I didn't waste money on a huge wedding. I made promises to my sweetie and to God. My sweetie made promises to me and to God.
Yes, I was lucky to have my family there, but our budget for the whole shooting match was under $100. I made my own dress ($60), we were able to have the wedding at a really nice (and free) place, the reception was in our home about a week after the wedding... Christmas decorations were still up, so decorations weren't an issue. My mom got the refreshments, but I don't think she spent over $50 on it. It was simple, low stress... nice.
A wedding is just a ceremony... A reception is just a party... The important part of the issue is the marriage- the commitment and the life you two build together. Sit and talk with your sweetheart about the $$, the choice. Go ahead and discuss it, but once you two decide what to do, don't let ANYONE make you feel guilty about your choice.
2007-01-10 22:41:52 · answer #2 · answered by Yoda's Duck 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I would NOT have the wedding.
Sure, you had a small civil ceremony. But it was still your wedding. Like it or not, you already had your wedding. The vows you said were just as important as they would be at this new wedding. Please don't diminish the importance of the day you got married by glossing it over with a frilly wedding.
I really don't see why a couple who is already married would ever want to go through the pain and drama of planning a big wedding...they get nothing out of it. Really, the only meaning it would have is just to be for show, right? It's not going to make you any MORE married than you already are.
Go for the house. If in 7 years you still want your wedding, then have your vow renewal then. Three years seems too soon for your vows to need renewing.
2007-01-10 22:15:47 · answer #3 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't hate Mom too badly, as she does have a point. Purchasing a house is a wonderful idea & a good investment.
Now you do realize that since you are married you must approach this event as a vow renewal & not as a wedding? You are already married and cannot be married again.
If you are renewing your vows to share with family & friends, that's great. But if you are doing this just because you feel you missed out, that's not really the reason people renew vows. Realize too that it would be unfair to expect pre-wedding parties and for guests to be expected to bring gifts; though some will on the line of a housewarming gift.
As harsh as it sounds, you & your husband did make together, the decison to marry. It wasn't as though there was a baby on the way that forced your hand.
And it sounds like there might be a bit of resentment on your mother's part as she feels cheated out of seeing you wed in a beautiful ceremony.
This is a tough call on your part. I wish you luck in whatever decision you make.
2007-01-11 00:46:35 · answer #4 · answered by weddrev 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen, sweetie. The most important is that you guys are already married. It's time to start thinking about your home. You dream wedding can always come later, but what if you become pregnant? You don't want your child to be going through that, right? All that matters is that you're married and know that one day(when he'll always be with you and not in the military) you'll have your dream wedding. I'm sure you want him to always be with you after the wedding. Try to get your home together and WHENEVER he permanently returns from the military, you can think about your dream wedding. God bless.
2007-01-10 22:23:30 · answer #5 · answered by lucy_babbie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Similar boat, we got married by the justice of the peace then had a normal wedding. We did our on a budget, I got a 2,000 wedding on sale dress for $250. Do a simple snacks thing after wards, cheese trays, meat trays, 6 foot sub cut in slices, soda. (keep it simple). latter for dinner we went out to eat and everyone paid for there own.
Our 2nd wedding, Actually anything but normal. MIl, hag must for got we 're already married was saying the whole entire time, don't marry her (behind my back).The best part, I learned from the one, having MIL and his family stay at my house before the 2nd wedding. They didn't do anything put get in the way. She even asked what the noise was in the bed room (trust me not sex!)Mil and her tag along left early, so every was happy!
I'm glade I had it. But if you have lot of friends? you could always have it later on down the road....
2007-01-10 22:20:29 · answer #6 · answered by Monet 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hon, it's three years later, and you are already married! You had the ceremony you had because of circumstances, and you need to be happy with that! There is absolutely no sense in having a "wedding", which would be a farce... I agree with your mom. If you want to have an anniversary party on your 5th or 10th, have a gathering of your family and friends over to your home for a nice dinner.
2007-01-10 22:13:51 · answer #7 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
After 3 years it's tacky to have a wedding. I personally would be insulted if someone invited me to a wedding and they had already been married for 3 years. It's selfish. Listen to your mother, she's right on about buying a house.
2007-01-10 22:14:01 · answer #8 · answered by Michelle G 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know this kinda stuff happens in weddings all over the world everyday. Heres what you do...Plan your wedding, invite them, if they come good for them, if they don't their loss...Also if you doing a renewal you don't have to have a ordained/clergy person do it. This will save you money, have a friend or relative do it for you it will make it even more special.
I have alot of renewal stuff in this mess called my room, vows and whatnot's...I havent been doing any wedding lately, i needed a break...
2007-01-10 22:43:31 · answer #9 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After three years of waiting, another wedding seems like a moot issue to me.
Buy a house, and enjoy living the married life!
2007-01-10 22:14:19 · answer #10 · answered by domesticgoddess 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You may want to renew your vows in front of a minister if you and your husband are church going people. It would be good to get that blessing. Just invite a very few people and use the rest of the money for your house. Remember you're doing all this for your children, even if they have not shown up yet. GOOD LUCK!!!
2007-01-10 22:16:02 · answer #11 · answered by seblexie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋