My little boy cousin (3) was playing with dolls, and an uncle of mine remarked....?

Question

"He might turn out to be one of those *******."
My cousin's mother pretty much ignored him, and just told him to "shut up" in a playful tone. I became irate. I stood up and said "If he WERE what you just said he might be, would you hate him, you dumbass?" Everyone looked at me and
became silent. No one said anything to me afterward, includinbg my uncle.....Was I wrong? Should I have handled the situation differently. I can only take so much of stupidity after all! Even if I over-reacted, I have my reasons...I have been called that word in a non-joking way SO MANY times that I have considered suicide, weak as that may sound.......

Answer 1

Your uncle is an idiot! Playing with dolls does NOT make a boy gay!!! My younger brother had a doll when he was little, and he is NOT gay; in fact, my mother says that buying him a doll when he was little helped to make him the wonderful daddy he is NOW to his 2 year old little girl!
On the other hand, I played baseball, army, and a lot of other games little boys play, and I AM gay!
You uncle is a freakin' Neanderthal, and I would tell him that to his face! I APPLAUD you for doing the same! Good for you! Next time he makes any idiotic remarks like that, tell him to go back to his cave and shave his back!

Answer 2

Did you overreact? No. And I'm a very reasonable guy, that happens to be straight.

It's an unfortunate reality with all kinds of prejudice that people just let it go and don't confront bigots, even if they don't agree with them. And it sucks, but people don't confront bigots because the bigots are their family members and friends and seem like totally normal people in every other way. And they know that if they don't confront their relative's prejudice, then life can go smoothly without conflict. And maybe eventually the prejudice will die off as the older family generations die.

But I don't think it's dying. Anti-gay sentiment isn't as overt as it was with previous generations, but it's definitely still there. Some people will claim to be unprejudiced, but will say that they would be a little worried about gay parents having kids. If you ask them why they're worried, they might say, "well, then the parents might teach the child to grow up gay." But this is only a bad thing if you think there is something wrong with being gay.

It's an incredibly tough situation your family is in, with at least one family member a bigot. You do need to confront the uncle whenever he says anything like he did, but you need to recognize that it will make everyone uncomfortable.

It's only with people like you, who force others to recognize and reject bigoted people, that we can really move forward to a better world.

Answer 3

Well, using words like "dumbass" may not have been the best way to handle it. However, I disagree with your uncle that it's bad for little boys to play with dolls. I know a good poem on the subject by Carol Lynn Pearson where the narrator's boy asks Santa Claus for a doll and a father in the line makes fun because he says that he'll grow up to be the way he plays. Then, that father's boy asks Santa Claus for a tank and gun.

I'm sorry that you have considered suicide. Please get help from a mental health professional for that. You're a valuable person.

And my brothers and I all played with My Little Pony as well as G.I. Joe, and all three of us are straight.

Answer 4

Although i understand your anger, it was handled badly as the child may have also been embarrased by it.

You could hafve pointed out that he was learning how to understand interpersonal relationships between men and women.

Alos, what if the dolls were replaced with tools.

You then get a hammer and a pair of plaiers and do the exact same scene, but with tools instead of barbie.

This does a bunch of things.

First, it gets the people on your side.

Second, it pulls him up by the short hairs but in a classier way.

Third, the lesson is driven home.

Answer 5

Even you admitted that you probably could have handled the situation better, but I think you were in the right. Your uncle didn't have ANY right to say something like that. You were right to stand up for your little cousin. Family (and non-family) should accept everyone for who they are...especially the children. I think it showed courage to stand up for your cousin like that, even if it was also in your own defense.

And ignore those people who call you names like that. They are ignorant, close minded and their opinions are worthless because they stem from mindless prejudice. Don't commit suicide. Those people are nobodies. What they say might hurt, but if you don't let them get to you they won't be anybody in your life, and therefore powerless. Even if it seems like everyone is against you at times, there are loads of people who don't judge on sexual preference. They just might be harder to find because they don't go shouting out "I love gay people!" as often as the jerks mindlessly spew off hatred for things they know nothing about.

Answer 6

You could have left off the dumbass part, but other than that it was fine. I don't see what the problem with it was. Just because he was playing with dolls doesn't mean he'll turn out to be gay. Were those the only toys around? Was he playing with other children? When i was in kindergarten, 14 years ago, i remember the male students in my class playing with dolls, and none of them are gay.

Answer 7

Take it from an older woman, boys playing with dolls doesn't make them gay, in fact I've seen that boys who played some with dolls have now grown up to not be gay, but are better fathers. You just tell the boy, you are the dady to the baby. That way, they see their roll as a future father, just like girls pay being the mommy.

As for how you handled it, she didn't respond to him because she realizes he's a jirk who just wants to fight. He probably feels so insecure about his own masculinity that he has to make such uninformed, stupid comments.

I'm sorry you've considered suicide, don't kill yourself over what otehrs say or do, when you are an adult you'll see that people always can hurt you if you let them, so you learn to ignore the fouls of life who just want to go around saying hurtful things to tohers and you stand up only when someone's life is in danger or you can actually make a difference. Not to people like your uncle, they want to fight and get off on having fights.

If you are gay that is between you and your Heavenly Father adn he'd never want you or anyone else to kill yourself over being gay. I do believe it's a choice, and I even believe it's immoral, but you as a human being gay or not are valued, so don't off yourself. My sister was gay and I loved her anyway and she and I both undertstood that at least in her cause it was the abuse we'd endured that caused her to chose to be gay. She was very honest about that.

As to if you Uncle would hate him, he probably would because he has no idea how to truly love others. Loving others doesn't mean you accept everything, say do whatever you want, but love isn't mean like him and you never treat a child that way. If his child isni't gay, his making so muchof it will do one of two things. Convince the child as he grows up that he is gay, becuase dad thinks it, so he'll become gay or he'll end up hating gays like his old man. SAD.

Remember name calling is a sign of how week another person is; those who are truly strong and self confident don't need to call others names.

Answer 8

I think they might be wondering that of you now, but anyways I'm proud of you they deserved it, my duaghter plays with crocadiles and aligators. One day at the park she had those with her and another little boy had his doll us two mothers just looked at eachother and said go figure, no biggie they will be what they will be I think alot more would have to occure before coming to that conclusion I think it just there what do yo say homafobic and ignorant(sp). Oh the suicide thing stop please its just a matter of coming to terms with yourself life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it, right good luck Kim

Answer 9

Next time take the doll away from him and give him a boy toys to play with. That's how you could have handled part of the situation! I am not a person who is against gays and all that, and people become who they become...just be there for him as he grows and YOU can be a person to help him out in life and all that, to reassure him of life!?!?!?

Answer 10

Good for you! I believe that people NEED to speak up against bigotry and stupidity, and your uncle sounds like the poster child for both. Maybe everyone remained silent because they agreed with you, but were not gutsy enough to say it to your uncle's face. NEVER consider suicide because of what other people say- you're WAY better than that! (and them).