how to treat a step son?

Question

My step son is moving in with us. He
is 10 years old. His father died. I have no kids of my own. I don't know how to deal with him. I am willing to be a good step father. advice needed.
Thanks much.

Answer 1

Treat him as though he was your own son. What would you do for a young person? Have you dealt with children before? Just treat them with kindness and love. You must, however, help discipline him as well - be sure you check with your wife first in this area. Her style may not necessarily be yours.

Answer 2

I am sorry to hear that his father died.
Just let him dictate the relationship.
One of the best things that you can do for him, is LOVE AND RESPECT his mother.
Do not raise your voice to her or curse at her or otherwise be disrespectful.
You are now his new role model and will play a very important part in his development from this point foward.
Since his mother and father did not 'make it' for whatever reason, it is doubtful that he has gotten to experience a loving relationship first hand!
He is probably going to be very angry or withdrawn, either way he will definitely be in need of some counseling.
Be supportive of him and try to help him get thru his grief. Put yourself in his shoes during some of the trying times. Imagine what it would have been like for you to have lost your parents at such a young age.
THis will help you to be compassionate towards his situation.
I bet he is very scared of all of the new changes in his life.
If possible, let his mother be the one to do the major discipling while he transitions to your house and your rules...
In the meantime, try bonding with him by taking him with you when possible to do 'man stuff'.
If you like basketball games or whatever he might like that too.
If you are working on the car, ask him if he can help you.
If possible play some video games with him or help him put together a model car.
It is a relationship like any other and it will grow and deepen over time.
You will also find that the better the two of you get along, the stronger your wife will bond with you! It will be a win win for everyone.

You will grow to love him as you see the best parts of your wife in him!
Good LUCK!
P.s. Even if his father was shot on the street by police after raping and old lady, NEVER say a bad word about his dad!!!!!!!!!!!!
NEVER, because he is still a part of the child

Answer 3

Since his father just died, he is going to be sad and difficult at first. Don't push yourself on him, but let him know that you are there for him if he needs to talk or wants to hang out. Plan some family outings for the 3 of you- Chuck E Cheese is always a big hit!!

I would also suggest that you get him therapy to help him deal with the grief and also the transition.

Treat this poor child as if he is your own- you are the only father he has now, but don't make him call you dad. Let him do that in his own time!

This is coming from personal experience, my kids's dad just up and abandoned them! But they now call my husband daddy- and it's because he's treated them as if they were his own, he's been there for them, and he's let them come to him on their own. I've also gotten them therapy!

My prayers will be with you all~ Good Luck and God Bless You!

Answer 4

Treat him as if he were your own, but don't put pressure on him to want to like you at the beginning, he just lost his father, and no one will ever be better than his father to him, but you could be a good father figure to him if you are caring, compassionate, and treat his mother with love and respect. You could try talking to other fathers that you know. Good Luck, sorry to hear about the loss of his father.

Answer 5

Take your time developing a friendship and trust with him.
Don't rush or push too hard, let him come to you.
Suggest doing things together, baseball games, hockey games, soccer, basketball.
Find out what his interests are and get involved slowly.
When you are out in the garage or bsmt fixing something ask him to give you a hand. Try to involve him in things that you are doing at home. Take an interest in his school and let him know if he needs any help you are willing to give it a try.
Treat him like a person and he will grow on you, and eventually you will care for him just like he is your own.

Answer 6

Treat him with love and respect. It may be a challenge since he is dealing with grief. Talk to a grief counselor about what to expect. Spend some quality time with him, talk to him, listen to him when he has something to say. It would be a good idea to have a couple of photos of his dad in your house or in his room so that he will know that you will all honor his memory. Last but not least, don't be afraid to discipline him fairly. This is important to get in place before his teenage years.

Answer 7

First and foremost let him know you love him.And you are not trying to take anyone place in his life.He is 10 make sure he knows you love him very much ask him to come to you if he wants to talk(about anything)and listen closly to what he says.Try going places with him but be firm and let him know also that you are the adult and you demand respect at all times.Don't try to shower him with a bunch of gifts to be his friend be his parent and please stop saying STEP he already knows you aren't his birth dad.There is a difference between birth dad and a father.You atr now his FATHER Good Luck..

Answer 8

One person said not to try and be the dad- this is true but let me make a related point- do not actually say "I won't try to be your dad" because to him, this is going to sound like saying "I won't try to be a piece of purple broccoli". Uh, duh, you aren't broccoli and you aren't his dad. His dad may be dead but that's still his dad.

(My stepmom told me 13 years ago that she'd never try to replace my mom, I still have contempt for her based on that comment. My mom isn't dead!! I have a mom! Why the heck would she try to replace her?)

Basicly: day, or maybe as much as week, one: Greet him, be friendly, don't push yourself. Observe, learn his interests. Video games? Biking? Sports?
Week 2-maybe month 2: Ask to join in his interests- he's playing video games, say "That looks cool, can it go on 2players?" You've seen he likes basketball, ask him if he'll (phrasing in such a way as though he's doing you a favor by saying yes) play a round with you after supper. Etc.

Finally, after a few months, when he's comfortable and friendly with you (in this situation it may even take longer) advance to offering advice in the form of stories: "I hated math too, so what I did was to finish it first, then everything else would go quickly." At this point, discipline should mostly be by mom, but if he does something that must be disciplined by you, you should explain why you must do this, perhaps even discuss options (lose tv priveledges, no friends over a few days, whatever). Stay gentle.
If you are gentle and loving but still firm, he should come to have respect and love for you.

Answer 9

You need to forget his your step son, I can't stand that word. Anyways, treat him as if he was your own son. He doesn't have his father anymore. So, he really needs a father figure. You're it, pal. Spend time with him, talk to him. Play with him. Soon you'll love each other very much.

Answer 10

You don't have to step in and be Dad, if you don't want to. But you will be an influence on him, so make sure the things you show, and how you act, are things that he can learn to become a man with good moral character. As for now, be someone easy to talk to.