Can someone help me? I am so confused?

Question

He used to want my help and then his father died and now he's turned to another girl. We've been through some rough times but through it all I thought he could see that I genuinely was a good person and would be there for him whenever he needed me. I mean I asked people and they told me that after his father died to just let him know I am there for him and that is what I did and I sent him a card which he never said anything about recieving. I would have been there for him and wanted to be so bad to help him with his loss but he didn't call me or talk to me online and I didn't want to bother him. Was I wrong in not talking to him all along? Now that he doesn't need me and has found another girl does that mean that my help wasn't good enough for him? I just feel like in life some people have beauty and some personality and personality is all I have to go by my looks won't get me very far so if my personality isn't working what else will I have? :(

He likes this girl and is probably gonna go out with her. I just feel like I've fallen off of a diving board into a deep sea of darkness. I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and I will never see it again.

Answer 1

You are trying to make this about something that is not right with you - it's not. His actions/inactions are a reflection on him.

Let your personality and caring be about how you want to be, not just in the hopes that someone will care for you in return.

(Real beauty is inside, it radiates outward - the people that notice that are the ones you should put your energy into.)

Answer 2

First, calm down and take a deep breath... Now... Your question is all over the place. Most of your details were left out in explaining the situation but it looks like to me that your instincts may be right. If you don't keep spending time with someone, how can you build upon a relationship? At first I thought you were talking about a boyfriend but looking over your question again it looks like a guy you are interested in, a friend even. If he is with another girl there really isn't much you can do about the situation. During times of grief or tragedy it is less likely that he would reach out to you and more likely he needed something or someone to take interest in him.

However, what is done is done and at this point just continue being a friend to him and show him that you care. I wouldn't recommend sending another card to him (most guys probably don't appreciate it so much anyways) but if his path intertwines with yours, then grab at the chance for a deep conversation.

Some more advice, don't let this situation hurt your self esteem and don't think of yourself as having only personality. Be confident in yourself and be strong. If you don't think you can do this on your own then maybe look into a counselor or therapist as they can help you get to a stable point in your life for relationship, closure, etc. I started going to a counselor for anxiety but now I go to him just to work things out in my life and I have never been more confident about myself! I hope that you will be able to see your beauty, and your inner beauty and find someone who sees it as well.

Much love,
Andrea

Answer 3

All right, i've been through this situation before, and I know how you feel.

Frustrating isn't it?

Confronting him is the best way possible. Getting someone to talk to you again after something tragic happened is hard, but can be done.

When you confront him, best to be alone when you do so, tell him that you WILL be there for him no matter what, that if he needs your help, you'll gladly lend it. Stuff along those lines.

If he still ignores you, ignore him. He doesn't appreciate what you have done for him, and if he turns to another girl, that shows how far you are in his 'best friends ranking' list.

He's obviously stupid if he tdoesn't turn to you since you guys have been together for so long.

Just remember to know when he really needs help, or he's clinging. Then you need to get a crowbar and kind of yank him off.

I've been through that when a guy turns to some girl he doesn't know, then a few months later, he comes dragging back in my door, expecting me to help him after he's ignored me.

Like I said, a crowbar. Handy for many things.


Also, your personality is obviously great and looks aren't everything, of course, but if someone doesn't appreciate you for who you are, go tell them to screw theirselves in the dark alleyway where they live.

Answer 4

Sweetie, Don`t give up. This guy may have thought of you as a very good friend and that is all. Now he has a girl and apparently she is fulfilling all his needs. Just move on. You say all you have is your personality because you are not pretty but it sounds to me that you have much more. You sound like you have a very big heart, compassion, understanding, a good listener, and oodles of love for your fellow man. Remember "BEAUTY IS ONLY SKIN DEEP" It`s whats inside that counts. Hang in there, there is someone out there for you that will treat you like you need to be treated. GOD BLESS YOU & GOOD LUCK

Answer 5

I've had lots of people in my life die. At first when this happened I had a hard time coping even though I tried to act like I was okay. But I would pull away from the people who mattered to me the most and hang around people I didn't care that much for, because I didn't want to be hurt so much if something bad happened to those I cared about. I figured if I distanced myself from them then I would distance myself from any hurt, but that was stupid and I realized my error after awhile. Maybe he's doing the same thing.

Answer 6

Answer to the question What else do I have??? - What you have is a kind heart that truly wants to be a friend that very few people get to have in their lifetimes... As far as the guy - 2 things... Number 1 you just want to be carefull not to offend both him or the other girl by being or trying to be "the other girl" and Number 2, you should just be honest with him by telling him how much you value his friendship and how much you enjoy sharing with him, in hopes that he feels the same! Good Luck Girl... Keep your chin up!!!

Answer 7

Brownie, you sound so sweet. Pls don't change by this one bad experience. the world needs more compasionate, kind and ready to lend a hand like you.Ok, back to him. You ought to be proud of yourself that you have offered to help and to be there. That he doesn't reciprocate in an appropriate manner is none of your business.It just proves that, between you and him, you are the better person.If you love him, well stop. It is senseless to love some one who doesn't care for you. Oh, just because this one person hasn't been won over by your sweet nature doesnt mean no body else will. Just move on, and wishing you well.

Answer 8

It appears that you are helpful, but do you help only when asked? From your description, you seem to be available only when he approaches you.
Have you taken the initiative to go to him even without him asking you? Have you shown concern for him by your actions? Sending a card is not much of a concern, compared with your presence during the crucial times.
If this relationship is lost, use it as a lesson for your future relationships. Looks is just one factor. What about other values like understanding, respect, cheerfulness, concern, etc?

Answer 9

It's not you it's him...Grief for a close loved one can change a man forever...or he might just need time alone to get through this...some men just want to work it out for themselves. The other girl could be a new girlfriend, but she could just be a better listener. Maybe he is trying to shield you from his suffering. Either way just ask him and be staight forward about it...just so you know what to do...move on or wait around a while? k...no big deal you just need to know what's up.

Answer 10

Continue to be the good and caring person that you are and don't let this guy get you down. Don't let him know how upset you are, there are many nice guys around, you just have to open your eyes. Be confident and stop thinking about the things you don't like about yourself and consentrate on the positive things. This one just isn't the RIGHT one for you.