i kind of sort of really need A WHOLE LOT OF MATURE ADVICE! PLEASE!?

Question

my best friend (mark) is good friends with all these people in a band. one of those people in the band are named John. Mark called me with John on the other line. We talked for a while, and Mark showed John my myspace. Apparently, he thinks I am "insanely hot" and was talking to Mark about how bad he wants to "bone me." I was joking around on the phone and told John I'd give him a lapdance if he gave me and some friends a ride to the movies. So i probably led him on or something. Because I don't do things like that. Mark is having a party on Saturday and the whole band is going to be there. I'm afraid this guy John is going to try something on me and I'm not sure how to handle this. I've heard some bad things about John also, that he's an alcoholic and has a bad home-life. I know the typical answer is to "not go" to the party but I'm going to eventually meet this guy John somewhere because he's friends with a lot of people I know. And I really want to go to this party. what to do?

i'm a freshman, and he's a junior/senior (i'm not sure which.)

his favorite phrase apparently is, "It's not rape if you yell SURPRISE!"

Answer 1

I don't think you have any choice but to go to the party and give him a lapdance. Otherwise you are a liar. Just Kidding.

Here's my real advice. Go to the party and make sure you are with your friends at all times. Don't be alone, that will give him a chance to come up to you. Tell your friends who he is and if and when he tries to come to talk to you, have your friend make an excuse to go somewhere else and take you with her. Just basically try to avoid him all night. Also, tell your friend Mark to tell him you're not interested. Hope it works out!

Answer 2

First order of business, get rid of Mark, he allowed this to take place. Mark does not respect you well enough as a person to put a stop to this problem that he is more than likely responsible for. Second, just stay away from John and keep your real Friends real close to you during this party. And you could just forget about the party if it means you might get hurt or forced into something you know is wrong

Answer 3

There are times, I know, everyone has joked about things like rape, but not with someone you do not know well. Do not be surprised if John has not told all his friends & Mark about you offering the lapdance, who will now think you are easy. in the future do not talk about things like this that you know you will not go through with (even if you still might do them when your alone together) and do not offer things to people unless you have known them for many years. This is how vicious rumours get started about girls who are not easy. I have been in a similiar situation like this in the past, and I was very sorry afterwards for having such talk, so please take this advice from someone who truly knows what they are talking about.

In your case, I would only go to the party if I were with two or more friends, because things could go badly for you. Be certain your friends would be willing to uphold for you if you needed to leave. Please do not let Mark be the one friend you trust the night of the party.

If John is joking about rape, that could be a foreshadow of what might happen, and if it does happen, it will ruin your life forever. You might even become a joke to them as sad as it sounds, and it is even possible they might use drugs on you to knock you out. This has happened to many women, and many women have also been gang raped like this (drugs in their drinks, friends playing along, etc). Do not trust men at parties.

You also risk the possibility of being called degrading female names, I'm sure you know what I mean, but I will not say them here. Many times these things will start very innocently, with the girl saying things she believes only the one man may hear, like the lapdance or say she is willing to have sex, and the girl, not even thinking she had did anything wrong or acted a certain way, will later be labled a ****. I know this guy may be very good looking but you do not want to let someone take advantage of you or hurt you because of something you said.

In the future, do not ever make these types of remarks again to someone you barely know. later, you could be around someone you really care about, and they might hear that you offered the lapdance and think you are one of those types of girls who does anything.

Be careful and do not go alone to this party, please. If at all possible, do not go period.

Answer 4

Well go meet him and then tell him I will be right back and stay at the party and enjoy yourself. DOn't drink alcohol and also if your drinking water or a soda or whaever and you go to teh bathroom and leave your drink just there get another one when you get back because how do you know if someone didn't put anything in it. ANd also after you meet and talk to John tell your bestfriend your not interested with John and to be there in case you need him that way you can enjoy the party. ANd if anything happens tell John Surprise your under arrest pervert. Because nobody needs to put up with fools like that and if you go be carefull and talk to your friend and if he doesn't help wow what a friend you have

Answer 5

As soon as John approaches you you need to tell him that you want to make it clear that you were just kidding about the lap dance and that you don't really do things like that. Don't go anywhere that you will be alone with him like next to him on a couch or in a separate room from the party and you will probably not have to deal with him touching you. If he does try something just say NO and walk away. You could do this.

Answer 6

Go to the party, act like you don't remember the conversation, or as if it wasn't any big deal, and just be friendly, but not flirtatious, with this John person. Remember that just because you hear bad things about someone doesn't mean they're true. I doubt if he truly is going to try something on you just because you were flirting on the phone. Be confident enough to know that his thinking you're "insanely hot" and wanting to "bone" you is a compliment, but also confident enough to know that you're above giving that away just because some guy says he wants it. Smile, be friendly but cool, and move on as soon as you can.

Answer 7

Go to the party, but do not show any interest whatsoever in this John guy. Hang out with people who are normal and decent, and hopefully he will get the hint that he can't touch you- you are out of his league. And ask your friend Mark to tell this guy that you are off limits! As a friend, he should be willing to do that for you.

Answer 8

Ok, you know what is coming right......Don't GO! But I have raised four kids and I understand that you want toooo....so here are some tips.........don't like this guy...........he sounds like BAD news.......don't think that you can change him or that "he would never hurt me" he can and he just might try. Make certain at no time at the party you are alone, stick with your girlfriends or your guy pals or whatever............and most importantly because you are obviously aware that this guy could be trouble.....dont let our defenses down.......in other words.......if there is drinking going on...DONT DO IT cause that will just weaken your defenses. And if he does do something then scream while you are kicking him the nuts and get the hell out of there! GOT IT?

Answer 9

Well my advise is not to go and if you meet out somehwere by chance then he wont try anything, at the party your going to be his target. When booze and a drunk man that thinks his getting something is a bad combination, is the party worth the risk?? I think Not.

Answer 10

Oh sweetie.....trust it from someone who knows. You will be better off NOT meeting this guy. And..if you should happen to meet him, and he mentions the lap dance...telll him he is was too naive. And next time...don't be using that type of language! You should make sure anything you say will not get you into trouble in the future. Spare yourself! And besides, he is too old for you. And please be careful.