Ok trying to make a long story short. I had horrible parents. On and off drug addicts my whole life. Last time i was speaking with them they had just stoped doing drugs. Now they are hanging out with people they used to use with. I consider them both insane and slefish and imature. My mother once chased my husband with a butcher knife in a drunken rage. THe last time we were speaking, we had moved back in with them because neither of them were working and they need money help. Not only did we pay them $150 a wk. But we also paid for there food. Basicly they got mad when we decided to move out and stop taking care of them. I am now not sure what to do about my son. I know that he loves them, and they have never done anyhting to hurt him. But how do i explain why mommy and her parents do talk. Plus they dont want me to supvise them seeing him.My sister used to take him to see them, now she feel like i dont trust her becuase i only want them around w/ my supervision I dont know what to do
2007-01-10 12:33:06 · 9 answers · asked by coliepollie22 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
My son is almost 3 and i have another on on the way. if that makes any diffrence.
2007-01-10 13:09:35 · update #1
I strongly feel that in this situation, you really need to be a strong, loving and empowered parent. I did not see the actual age of your child mentioned, but for early childhood or less (0-8 yrs.) the best solution here is for you and only you to supervise these visits. Your sister is understandable hurt by that, but a really vaid reason that has nothing to do with how much you trust her is firsthand knowledge. You are the one that all of your child's experiences need to filter through at this age and the less people those experiences have to pass through to get to you, the better the filter works. You need to be only partially honest with your son at this point if he falls in the is age group. Let him know that as family, you love your parents very much, but that some of the things they choose to do, or not to do, do not match with your ideals for your own family. Remind him that it is still OK for you, and him, to love them and see them, but that you need to make sure what you teach him at home, as his mother, is what he is exposed to the most. Reassure him that you understand this may confuse him and that you love him with all your heart.
If your son is in his tween years, you can provide a little more information, but still keep it short. The main thing is to let him know it is OK to love them and that you do also. If, however, your son is a teenager, please be brutally honest with him as your comfort level allows. Let him know how terrifying certian situations were for you and use their bad choices as a clear example of how not to behave. He is, at this age, well aware of your parents "background" either directly or indirectly, and any cover-up of it will be seen as just that.
I really feel for you. I have a similar situation in my family, although not as troublesome, and it is a struggle to "expose" only what we want of our family member to our kids. On one hand it seems we are lying to him, but my better side knows that it really is for the best at this time.
Good luck and take care.
2007-01-10 12:53:10 · answer #1 · answered by imoffmynut 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would do what is best for my child.
My father is on drugs right now and my husband and I are trying for a baby.
I have been thinking on what to say when that child grows up and wants to know why they dont have a normal grandfather.
My husband's dad is crazy also. soooo....
If you dont feel comfortable with him visiting without you there then find other places to go with them all instead of just sitting down looking as if you are watching them. This is a hard situation. How old is your son?
If he is of age where you can explain to him some of the situation that would be good also.
Good luck
2007-01-10 12:40:24 · answer #2 · answered by princesandy2004 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They are your kids to supervise. And being brought up your parents house hold you have good reason to feel the way you do. Perhaps play dates at a park or chuckee cheese in a neutral setting may be the best way for your child to spend time with your parents. And expecting them to understand your piont of view is unthinkable, again you were raised by them you know they are not rational people. So don't feel that you have to explain anything but give them visitation on your ground rules. And they will take it or leave it.
2007-01-10 12:46:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your sole concern. IS YOUR CHILD!!! If you are unsure that your parents are capable of being good role models or caretakers for your child then you need to go with your gut instinct.
If they really want to be a part of your child's life, then they will have to accept the fact that you will be supervising the visits. It does seem hard but you really have to remove all of the emotional baggage from the situation and make your decision based only on facts.
I know this is hard...but really in your son's best interest!!
2007-01-10 12:53:40 · answer #4 · answered by yidlmama 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are right to go with your gut on this one.
I adopted 2 beautiful children from foster care, and they would NEVER allow someone with this type of reputation to see their child unsupervised.
I would explain to your mother that it's not her that you don't trust, it's her friends...whether that is your true belief or not.
I just offer this up in case you don't want to hurt her feelings.
If you don't care, then you just say, "supervised or nothing"...because you ARE the mother, and they ARE your children you are talking about.
2007-01-10 14:39:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is what it is.. you cant change that.. as much as you would like to..
i would keep them away from them umtil they decided to re prioritize their lives.. and make room for them in their lives.. it isnt important enough to have grandparents in their lives if they only provide toxic behaviors.. i got lucky.. my parents were wonderful.. im very sorry to hear this but if i were you .. i would lay out the ground rules.. it is a toxic combination.. drugs and children.. or even the suspicious behaviors of them doing them.. keep the kids away explain grandma and grandpa are sick right now.. and allow them the time to get it right or lose all chances of a normal life with them.. it really is their call.. good luck hun.. and do whats in your heart..
2007-01-10 12:40:10 · answer #6 · answered by Michelle M 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, he is your son, if he does not get to see their grandson it is their fault you are keeping him safe don't feel guilty. Depending on how old your son is explain to him about your parents and that you just worry about him. Also say the drink and drive with him and get arrested or worse how upset would you be. You are doing the right thing trust your judgement
2007-01-10 12:45:32 · answer #7 · answered by iseemen 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
do what is best for the child under NO circumstance would i leave my child alone with people like this, regardless if they are your parents or not. if they are hanging around the same people again, they are using again. tell them that they can gee their grandchild when they decided that they can be adults. sometimes you just have to tell children the truth. tell him that grandma and grandpa do some things that make you uncomfortable for him to be around.
2007-01-10 12:54:21 · answer #8 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
they deserve to spend some time with them before they pass away, but just stay with them when they do.
2007-01-10 12:42:09 · answer #9 · answered by Apache Rose Peacock 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋