Date Rape Question!?

Question

I went out to a bar and had several drinks with friends. This one guy who I'd flirted with offered to give me a ride home, and I accepted. We walked in to my apartment and I immediately went to bed and passed out. The next thing I know, I woke up and he then penetrated me. I was too shocked to say anything or to tell him to stop. Since I didn't tell him to stop does this mean I consented? After about 30 seconds he got off of being on top of me, and I immediately went out of the room and came back and told him to leave. The next morning I laid on the floor for about 3 hours in the fetal position sobbing my eyes out (I had a boyfriend at the time). What should I do?

Answer 1

Contact the police. They can answer all of your questions. He did something wrong. What's the worst that can happen if you report it? Good luck.

Answer 2

OK... You did not say stop. So in a sense, you did consent. But did you struggle to get him off? That is saying No.

Flirting with a guy and then accepting a ride home with him is saying Yes, in the guys mind.

When did this happen? IF this EVER happens again, or happened to some body reading this, ALWAYS go immediately to the hospital for testing and file a report. This is proof of intercourse to nail the guys *** to the ground. You need evidence to charge him.

Phone the police, call and tell the boyfriend.

There is victim services that you can call and talk to some body about this.

What a creep. Some people think they can take what they want with out having the decency or respect to ask.

If you see this guy again, try to ignore him. If you are going to press charges against him, dont tell him or threaten him, just ignore the guy. I wonder how many other girls he has done this to?
:o) DRINKING IS NO VALID EXCUSE FOR DOING ANYTHING THAT "YOU DIDNT KNOW WHAT YOU WERE DOING"

**In my younger days, I have been drunk a million times, but my friends would have never let me get a ride home from a guy I flirted with or from a guy who was drinking. Take no risks, honey, and limit your drinks. Choose your friends wisely.

Answer 3

I find it fascinating that most date rape situations occur in the context of inebriation. So, here's my advice:

1. Rape is never justified. Call the police. If you don't, someone else will be likewise victimized.

2. Seek counseling for your alcoholism. Blackouts are a sign of alcoholism. Poor judgement is a sign of drinking too much. Being an alcoholic doesn't justify the rape, but if you don't want that sort of thing to possibly happen again, you need to change your life.

3. If you have trouble with steps 1 or 2, think about what you said about HAD a boyfriend at the time. If you value having a respectful, committed relationship in your future, then take those first two steps seriously. Everything else is just excuses. What is done is done, but you still have choices to make and you have to decide every second who you are and if you are going to respect that person.

Answer 4

Um, I'm thinkin it would take more than "several drinks" to make you flirt with some guy, let him give you a ride home, let him into your apartment, and then pass out drunk on your bed while he's still inside your home. I'm thinkin you were completely blotto.

So is it date rape? Yeah, being passed out does not amount to consent. Will you get anywhere in court with it? Not a chance in hell. Juries and cops alike do not look kindly on women who cry rape after getting plastered and waking up in bed with a stranger. It's pretty unlikely the DA will sign off on an arrest warrent for this guy with zero evidence... no rape kit, no trip to the ER, no nothing to back you up, plus time has elapsed since it happened. Rape cases are tough enough when everything is in place, yours will be impossible to win, and DAs do not deal with cases that cannot be won.

I'm not condemming you darlin, been there, done that. But next time, maybe you should try stopping at 2 drinks so that you have the wits to not put yourself into this position again. In the meantime, get some counseling to help you through this.

Answer 5

I missed the "you were drugged" part some people are referring to. I don't get the "I woke up and he THEN penetrated me" part. Did you go to the bed alone? Did you pass out undressed? Were you in a drunken stupor - since you said that you "passed out"? It's so sad how things unfolded.

I wouldn't say that you consented if you didn't tell him to stop because you were in fear or shock. I'd say you were victimized but that the circumstances before and since the incident leave you with a difficult case for prosecution. Even so, feeling victimized, I would look into reporting it if you feel that you want to do that.

I'm very sorry for your suffering. No one should experience anything like this. All my hopes.

Answer 6

There are a lot of assholes posting answers on your question.
If you even have to ask, it was rape. Depending on how long ago and if there is any evidence, you might want to go to the police. Personally, I did and it was a mistake.
Definately - you should get a physical and make sure everything is ok. That was the one thing I was terrified of ~~ STDs, HIV.
If you have any close friends you may want to talk to them. That helps a lot. I didn't want anyone to know that it happened to me and the bumbling cops just made me feel awful and they never helped or really tried to help. In this crappy tiny town i live in, it was the highlight of their lame jobs. I would never recommend anyone go to the police.
Vengeance is also a possibility. No one should be humiliated like this -- EVER.
Did you ever tell your boyfriend?
Don't listen to these people here saying you shouldn't have drank or that since you didn't "stop him" it was consensual. It is your perogative to drink. We've all see "The Accused", right?
You were unconscious so of course you couldn't tell him to stop.
I'm with you sweetie. I've been there. I had to go and get stitches and be out of work for 2 weeks. It's hell and please don't feel ashamed.
I was raped a year and a half ago and I've got some PTSD and weirdness going on...but I'm still alive and I'm still trying to not be ashamed.
Be strong and at least get checked out. Next time you go out make sure someone cool's got your back. Or take a cab home. Please be careful. I'm sorry this thing happened to you.

Answer 7

I am amazed at how many people are throwing out answers in the assumption that Jerry (the questioner) is a woman.
Jerry is a MALE.
As to rape, your circumstances are questionable, but since you said or did nothing to stop the event, you have little chance of a rape case. Even saying "NO" just once could have made the difference.
As to the drugging, get to a lab ASAP for a blood and urine test. If those prove you have date rape drugs in your system, and if there's still any semen worth capturing, you might (MAYBE) have a thin case based on DNA and the drug screening.

Answer 8

First of all, do you know this man? If you do, ask him what happened... why he did what he did, etc. Next, know that you did nothing wrong, and nothing to provoke. Many people think that just because you were drinking, didn't stop it or whatever means that you asked for it. However, if you were passed out or not in the right frame of mind to say one way or the other then yes... he crossed that line. If you do not feel like going to the police, go to a mentor or someone that you feel like you can trust. Go to someone like planned parenthood or something like that... just because this is something that is going to weigh heavily on your mind for a long time to come if you do not address it immediately. From personal experience, know that this will affect your future relationships if you do not address it immediately. It does something to your mind, that is really unexplainable... but trust me you need to talk about it... posting on here was the first step... but you need to be strong and take the next few to deal with this.

Answer 9

PLEASE READ. To start off its definitely rape. Millions of people across America flirt everyday and invite people from the club to there houses but that doesn't grant them the right to have sex with you. Also, whether he drugged you is questionable but one thing is for sure you were tired, drunk, and probably not thinking clearly. And for him to time his actions for the moment you woke up was clearly premeditated rape. Finally, think about this, the reason why he waited for the time that you were just waking up is because he knew that you would be to drowsy, tired, or whatever (as we all are when first waking up) to say no or fight him off. Like many others have said don't wait any longer in front of the computer reading what people posted, get checked and report what he has done to the police and don't stop until justice is served. I hope god blesses you as he has blessed me and be careful with strangers. Readers indicate if you agree with what i'm saying or not thanks.

Answer 10

I'm very sorry that you had to go through that. I don't know how long ago it was, so it may be too late to go to the doctor/hospital for that kind of proof (I know it's awful to think of it like that) but you should definitely go to the cops.

At the very least, get some counseling, there are so many people who are there to help and it sounds like you really need it.

Good luck and stay strong because No, it wasn't your fault and you didn't ask for it!

Answer 11

Im so sorry to hear this. Well since you didnt tell him to stop and did allow him into your apartment, I think technically its not a rape.
You need to try to forget about this incident, and be careful next time of who you accept rides from.