How to encourage a 5 year old to deal with anger or frustration in a positive way.?

Question

My son is a wonderful boy and a happy and outgoing kid. When he gets frustrated or angry he doesn't deal with it very well. He likes to slam things or sometimes hit me. Everyone gets angry sometimes, it's how we deal with it that is important. What are some strategies of teaching my son to deal with anger in a positive way. I've tried encouraging him to count to 30 and take deep breathes etc. I've tried giving him an angry pillow where he's allowed to vent his frustrations. Nothing seems to help. Positive answers only from people who have experience similar situations. He does not have ADHD or anything like that. Just a phase we're having a hard time overcoming. Thanks

Answer 1

Its a common phase that almost all kids go through. Right now the best thing to do is to continue giving him positive things to vent his anger.. like a pillow to scream into, counting to 10 taking deep breaths. Try to catch him when you notice he is getting angry. If he acts out like slamming or hitting you then punish him but be sure to tell him that he is being punished for hitting you because that is not an appropriate way to behave. Ask if he knows the meaning of appropriate. Explain it to him. Say that he needs to vent his anger in other ways such as....
It's not gonna get better immediately just be patient and keep up with it. He will learn. My daughter is 9 and she still will get angry and act out. I try to catch her and have count to 10 taking deep breaths and when I get angry I make it a point of showing her how I deal with it. Take Care and Good Luck! You sound like a great mommy!

Answer 2

First of all, are there any new changes in his life to cause such anger (move, new school, new baby, family stress)? If there are, give him some extra love, attention, and support.

I like your ideas of encouraging him to count and take deep breaths. Maybe you can give him a designated area to vent each time he gets angry until he is calm. Don’t set a time limit. Just tell him the “When you are ready to calm down you can come back with me.” Be constant!

Empathize with him when he is feeling frustrated “I can tell you are feeling very (frustrated, angry, mad, upset, hurt..). How can I help you with that?” Empathizing with him will help him to better express himself and he will also notice that you understand him.

Do your best to make sure he is getting needs met. If children are not getting so angry and frustrated because they are ill, hungry, or tired, they will do so because it feels powerful, they get attention for it, they are testing limits, or they are simply feeling frustrated.

Help him to feel powerful and notice him when he is behaving by saying thing like “Look how fast you can run!” “You did that by yourself!” You stacked every block!” You can climb so high!” “You used so many colors on you picture!” These are intrinsic motivators rather than extrinsic rewards ("Good job," stickers, candy).These phrases are great ways to help your son feel powerful, gain confidence, and show attention in a positive way.

Do some role playing with him. This will help him to develop better strategies rather than lashing out. I would also model things that you do when you get upset. Point out when you make a mistake or are frustrated about something. Say, for example, you forgot to pick up the milk at the market. Say “Oops! I forgot milk. I better make a note so I can remember tomorrow.” Or say you were playing a game and lost you can say “Oh well. Maybe I’ll win next time.” Or if you get really angry model counting to 10 or something else that works for you. Get creative!

Just some thoughts…Hope this helps!

Answer 3

A councilor once explained to me that, if you use a clock to illustrate the good and bad behaviour of your child, how many hours of the day would represent good.
Praise the good and maybe the bad will take care of it's self because his self esteem will increase, we only become upset when we feel we are not measuring up to the ideals we have set for ourselves, praise his achievements more even if they seem trivial to you, you may see an improvement in the behaviour as he becomes more confident in himself his non achievements will become more trivial to him.