Hey there...Husband abandoned me when he took a 36 month statation in HI. (He's whoring around with one of his soldiers) Anyway...he's left us desolate. I haven't been able to eat a meal (can't keep one down) and have only slept a total of maybe 13 hours in 12 days.....I don't know how I can support these lil men or catch up when I do start working again. (Yes, I have interviews...and talked to lawyers, JAG, his Chaplain..everyone and I am NOT wallowing) I am just at a total loss. I haven't told the boys, haven't talked to him in 9 days...I do not know what is going through his mind...I need to get some sleep but I even dream about the bills and it wakes me up. My tummy is in such knots that I vomit after i try to eat...my throat is so swollen that I can't swallow....the doc said "It just takes time"....so....ideas???
2007-01-10 10:07:54 · 10 answers · asked by Smiling Belle 2 in Politics & Government ➔ Military
God bless you, honey. You're in a challenge, but you can do it!
Here's some advice from someone who's been there: You need to get your priorities in order so you don't feel so overwhelmed. Write a list of all the things you need to take care of in order of priority: rent, electricity, groceries, phone bill, etc. Near the top of that list should be your own wellbeing. God bless you, honey, this is not easy. Be kind and gentle with yourself. You can do this. The doctor is right, it will take some time, but time is made up of one moment followed by another moment and another moment and so on. You can do this.
You have every right to be upset. Your world just exploded. Look around a find a healthy outlet: exercise, journaling, counseling. Anything to get those negative emotions out so you can let nourishment and rest in. Before you go to bed at night, write down your thoughts so they're not swimming in your mind while you're trying to rest. You need your strength right now.
Your children obviously see that you're upset and I'm sure that scares them (my parents divorced when I was 9). Pull yourself together, decide on a plan of action, and sit down with them to tell them the honest truth (you can leave out the part of infidelity for another time) and tell them that you've got it under control. Then, here's the most important part, keep your word. Pay the rent, talk to the lawyers, maintain your cool, deal with your emotions in a healthy way.
Pray, dear. God doesn't give us anything we can't handle. You can do this and He will give you strength. Every day you can deal with that day's tasks, no more/ no less.
2007-01-10 14:13:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 3⤋
We need more info to answer this question. So, you're still married? Why don't you have money... you have a joint account where his paychecks are going, right? If not... try the family support center (that may be solely an air force term... but, i'm sure the army has an equivalent)... at the very least, they should be able to work with the finance office to get you the family separation pay, if not half of his entire pay. Have you talked to his commander? If and when you do, I highly suggest that you try to stay calm and only discuss the financial issues. A ranting, jealous rage may not be the way to get what you want (you can let that out when you see your husband). You really shouldn't have to stress about having to find a job this instant, as you are still entitled to the money he is receiving now. And, once you divorce (assuming you have been married long enough, and you did not have your own career), you will be entitled to alimony. Unfortunately, as far as the emotional issue goes, I have no advice. But, I wish you luck anyway.
2007-01-10 11:18:22 · answer #2 · answered by hunting wabbit 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
OK this is what you do. If you are not getting satisfactory help from the Army your next step if you have not done so already is contact the commanding general of his division. If this gets you nowhere then your Congressman/woman. I guarantee you a congressman breathing down an officer's neck will get things moving. It never fails!!!!
As ex-Army it sickens me to read stuff like this. What you are going through happended when I was in. The problem is we do not teach our men when they are children any kind of code or standard of conduct. We live sadly in a society that when a man cheats he's a "stud." God help us.
My heart goes out to you. But do not give up without a fight. As I said a Congressman will get things moving!
Bye now and God Love you!
PWL
2007-01-10 10:50:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
First, if you are going to be overwhelmed by the bills you should seriously consider bankruptcy in conjunction with your divorce. It will allow you to get a fresh, clean start on the best circumstances possible.
Second, get a legal separation with an order of support and do it ASAP. The military will will get you the money you have coming whether he likes it or not.
Keep in close contact with the Chaplain and JAG.
Last, find a support group for people going through divorce. It will help more than you can imagine.
Best of luck.
2007-01-10 10:32:11 · answer #4 · answered by Yak Rider 7 · 1⤊ 3⤋
I'm VERY SADDEN BY YOUR STORY~I wish I could just tell you everything is going to be alright but I think things can go the other way. Trust in God let him guide you, he will set you free from all agony. Please don't give up, I was looking at your family pictures and you are a beautiful lady. Please leave me a message I would love to be your friend, I know it's hard I was also in a similar case except it was my father and mother going thru it and I was the daughter, I still remember like it was yesterday, my mom crying alot and not being able to eat or sleep. I wish to keep in contact with you~Take Care~
2007-01-10 10:48:40 · answer #5 · answered by YO~NO~FUI E 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
As an army wife you are entitled to what the army calls BAH type 2 it is a percentage of your total BAH. If you are not getting this from your husband I would contact his First Sergeant. If you do not get any results from him I would call your Congressman. I garantee you that if your Congressman gets involved you will get results. If you do not know how to find out who his First Sergeant is, go online and access the post locator for HI. Good Luck.
2007-01-10 10:34:41 · answer #6 · answered by Daniel J 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
My first question is, are you divorced yet? If not, call his command and inform them as to what is going on. He is a staff NCO I assume given your alias? You would want to talk with his 1st Sgt. One, the 1st Sgt should set him straight as far as fulfilling his responsibilities at home. Whether or not you two stay married, he has to help support you "little guys" as you put it.
If you are already divorced, you should receive child support from him. Child Support in the military is a little different. All the extra pay he receives for each child should come to you. He should also stop receiving extra pay for you.
As far as the infidelity, he can be charged under the UCMJ for that.
2007-01-10 12:04:22 · answer #7 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Hawaii?
I am not sure what you mean, he was transferred to Hawaii and you call that being abandoned? There has to be more to this. How do you know he is "whoring around"?
Try reading "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" by Dale Carnegie.
That book really helped in my sucky days.
God bless you.
Did he leave his car? Maybe you can sell it.
2007-01-10 10:30:17 · answer #8 · answered by Feeling Mutual 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Life sucks but it goes on. My ex wife cheated had a kid and said it was mine after 1 yr we had a DNA test and it proved I was not the father. Women can act the same way.
You have to move on and be tough for you and your kids future.
Exercise and a good talk with a close friend is much better than counselling with a stranger.
2007-01-10 10:35:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
Are you getting your share of the BAH? I see that those arent his kids, Im not sure that you would get child support for them.
Let us know if you're getting the BAH.
2007-01-10 12:23:03 · answer #10 · answered by michelle a 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋