ok here's the story summed up... for the past year and a half, ive been struggling with anorexia. in the past month or 2 ive been overcoming it and recovering. here's the thing, my dad never really understood my reasons for being anorexic and never even made the attempt to be the loving dad i needed to help me through it. he and i were always close when i was really little, but as i got into my teen years, i started loosing my respect for him for a number of reasons. i am 15 now, and i am REALLY having a hard time dealing with the things he said and did to me during my anorexic period. he would SCREAM at me, call me names, say i was just being immature, and never supported or comforted me. now, i find it hard to even be in the same room as him becuase i am so afraid of his outburst and cant forgive him for his actions and words that hurt me terribly. i WILL NOT forgive him ever, but i am willing to let it go. but i want him to be the first to apologize. what should i do????
2007-01-10 10:04:10 · 8 answers · asked by Sweetie 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
you guys are giving me SUCH great ideas!! thank you!! please keep it up... u seem to understand my situation PERFECTLY!
now... my mom has kinda been the 'in-between' person in this. she has been trying SO hard to understand me and really has shown the effort. she also has to be loyal to her husband, which i understand, and back him up when necessary, so she does take his side at times when i feel she should not. and yes, i am 15. so i do have 3 years left with my dad. i am currently seeing a couselor but my dad will not come with me to a session and i am not sure i would even want him to. thank you again for all this support!
2007-01-10 12:22:41 · update #1
o,honey...it sounds like that is alot more going on.first of all,men in general (not all) that dont understand illness unless they can see it.you may be the first person he has ever known with just such a problem.it may be a very crude way of dealing with you being sick.he can't be totally brain dead and has to of heard of anorexia before.he might never say he is sorry.he may think he has done nothing wrong.poor parenting skills,but the truth is the truth.
you do have to be in his home for a couple more years(you are 15,right?).something is going to give.a blow up. a screaming match.another outburst.hopefully you can find a common groud and agree to disagree.where is mom?
i a really happy that you made the effort to recover on your own.it does sound very mature.mature enough to not forgive but maybe put it on hold for a little bit.that way you and your dad might be able to make some kind of peace and you can show him how mature you really are.screaming is never going to work.you have every reason to to be scared,upset,pissed off,but you cant change dad.you can educate dad and influence him to change his mind about the illness.you are strong enough to change 1 person...YOU.YOU DID THAT AND KEEP DOING EVERY DAY.
good luck.
2007-01-10 10:41:07 · answer #1 · answered by cowgirlprincess08210 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am the opposite, I have had issues with my weight going up, and I am working on it now, but my father has always picked on my for my weight. Yes i love him, and yes I overlook most of it, but I can't forgive him either. When the people closest to you hurt you in such a personal way it scars for life. My suggestion would be to write him a letter, a very heartfelt one. Your best bet is to make it on a day when you will not be home, so he has time to plan his talk with you. It may help with the comfort level also. I don't know if this helps, but that would be my suggestion.
2007-01-10 18:31:40 · answer #2 · answered by Jamie C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your father may be feeling like a fish out of water - you are his precious little girl and now you've grown up overnight and have this problem -something that most men not only father know nothing about - and he can't see any way of helping you that he knows about. If you fall and cut your leg - he can clean it and put an plaster(bandaid) on it - but anorexi is a foreign to him as learning hebru.
I know this probably won't help - but give him things to read on anorexi - try writing down what your angle is and say you want to discuss it in 24hrs time with him.
I am a mother on 1 beautiful little girl and would find this situation imensly difficult - but i know her father would not have a clue how to hanlde the situation tackfully - I honestly thin he would do what your father is doing. it's all down to lack of knowledge and being afraid that they can't help the one person they hold closest to their heart. So it hurts them too.
Good luck and all the best for the future.
Rx
2007-01-10 18:36:55 · answer #3 · answered by Roxy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You could *try* to have a little heart to heart with him... tell him you want to talk to him about how he hurt you. Without mentioning the part that you don't respect him or that you won't forgive him or that you are willing to let go (most fathers' egos can't handle that). But let him know that you were hurt by his lack of understanding.
A quick warning though... if he could not understand anorexia when you were going through it, he probably won't be able to understand your hurt either. Chances are, he will be only bewildered with your chat and feel himself victimized.
My personal suggestion would be to just let go... time will heal this. Afterall, you are willing to let it go; why not just let it go completely?
2007-01-10 18:31:14 · answer #4 · answered by Developing Minds 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your dad is beating you up or anything i say to sneak out and call the police but if he isn't then i say try sending him letters unexpected letters telling him how you feel and make sure it is very neat and full of love
2007-01-10 18:38:24 · answer #5 · answered by Apryl L 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The two of you need to go to family counseling, where you can both get everything out in the open. After you both clear the air, things will be better.
2007-01-10 18:42:05 · answer #6 · answered by IthinkFramptonisstillahottie 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
try a counselor? are you off of being anorexic? just start doing nice things back to him, and letting him know that you still want to respect him, and when he does get tight with you, talk to him about it, cause rarley any guy confronts someone about an argument.
2007-01-10 18:45:23 · answer #7 · answered by Dan The Man 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
maybe u should go to one of those like family helping counslers. im sry about what youve been through!
2007-01-10 18:37:01 · answer #8 · answered by Mary!! 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋