How do you tell a friend she is driving you CRAZY without hurting their feelings?

Question

I have a friend who has a lot of mental health issues (eating disorder, depression, anxiety) and is driving me CRAZY. She is a nice, smart, and wonderful person to be around when she is taking care of herself. But, lately she has been calling me in the middle of the night...telling me she wants to hurt herself, that she'd be better off dead, and that she is not eating and throwing up all the time (she has bulimia). I don't know how to tell her I am not qualified to help her. I want to be her friend...not her therapist. How do I tell her I can't cross this line and she needs to get professional help and not put this all on me as it is very stressful. Any helpful advice would be greatly appreciated!

Answer 1

You are a sweet friend, but try not to be a friend out of "obligation", just because she has a mental illness. If she is not taking the proper precautions or medication to help her to cope or fight this illness, then that is on her sweetie...You are a good friend, no doubt about that, and it appears as though she is taking advantage of your kindness. Remember, she has a mental illness and sometimes people use that against others by taking advantage of them based on that individual mental illness, and it also can be that she is manipulative, based on her illness. Try to avoid her calls, once she does contact you, let her know that you are going through some things yourself and you need time to deal with those things yourself. Or you can just be frank and tell her that you need time away from the friendship right now. If you are concerned that she might act out against herself, or fall deeper into a depression, try this:

Let's say her name is "Sally":

"Sally, you know I love you and I want the best for you, but if you don't get some type of therapy and medication for your illness, I am afraid it will worsen. So, if you don't do it for yourself, at least do it for me, because I want to spend time with you when you are happy and calm."

or

"Sally, it sounds like you might be going through personal issues that I am not qualified, nor do I know how to handle. Try this resource: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/mental-illness/HQ01079 This site gives you information on various illness, and they offer medical services for your mental illness.

or

"Sally, try to focus on getting yourself together by attending some support meetings:http://www.something-fishy.org/treatmentfinder/Support_Groups/5-0-0-1262-1.html This site offers information on your eating disorder and can be a great resource.

It will be hard to break the tie, but you just might have to do that because no matter what, what ever she is going through, she is going to have to be held accountable for that; especially if she truly has been diagnosed and is not trying to manage her mental health. Good luck to you sweetie..and be Safe...(smiles)

Answer 2

I dont consider him being shy must be a flip off due to the fact you could have continuously identified him to be like that so that you shouldnt wish him to difference.My boyfriend used to be like that after i met him and it kinda pissed off me in the beginning due to the fact he used to be no longer creating a transfer nut now we're going out and iam absolutely cool with him due to the fact thats what he's like and i love him jjust like that.... So when you nonetheless dont wish him are you gonna inform him that he demands to beef up up just a little due to the fact you dont like the truth that he's too high-quality...?

Answer 3

mail her a note that say's how you feel and how you can help. that is what friends do .